Not sure where to post - acute grieving guilt

amber horner

amber horner

Junior Guinea Pig
Joined
Feb 7, 2016
Messages
461
Reaction score
1,045
Points
555
As many of you know I lost my derek a little over 2 weeks ago. I'm still hurting and missing him so much, his pen mate Dave is doing good think it's helped having chinno in the pen next to him. My question is the last few days I'm having bad feelings of guilt. I keep thinking I gave up on Derek too soon, should I of tried longer to help him, would he of got better if I tried longer. I know he had pneumonia and heart failure but these feelings of guilt hurt so bad am I the only one who feels like this x
 
You're not the only one x
I felt like that after the passing of my wee Smudge, he was so young, but in reality there's nothing we can do x

I'm so sorry for your loss x
 
amber horner said:
As many of you know I lost my derek a little over 2 weeks ago. I'm still hurting and missing him so much, his pen mate Dave is doing good think it's helped having chinno in the pen next to him. My question is the last few days I'm having bad feelings of guilt. I keep thinking I gave up on Derek too soon, should I of tried longer to help him, would he of got better if I tried longer. I know he had pneumonia and heart failure but these feelings of guilt hurt so bad am I the only one who feels like this x
Click to expand...

BIG HUGS!

Self-doubts, feelings of guilt and failure and re-examining what has happened are very normal for the onset of the grieving process. We all experience them to some degree. They can be much stronger after pts/euthanasia or an operation/treatment that has gone wrong.
Please keep in mind that they are actually an expression of your being a very caring and responsible owner and NOT a sign that you have in fact done anything wrong. It is just that we humans are wired to reflect everything back onto ourselves (or outwards as anger).
There is nothing wrong with your decision or our instincts/reasoning that has led to your decision with Derek's wellbeing topmost on your mind.

Missing a beloved is also every normal; that is something that never goes away completely but that will hopefull fade with some to a bearable ache. The link below contains some tips on things you can do that can help the grieving and ultimately the healing process.
It is by no means a quick process, and depending on your bond it can be a rather painful process, too, as I know myself. Give yourself time.

Please take the time to read our new bereavement guide; you will hopefully find it helpful as you go through the various stages of the grieving process: Human Bereavement - Grieving, coping tips and support links for guinea pig owners and their children

Email or ring up the Blue Cross pet bereavement line tomorrow (if their line is manned) or on Monday. The best thing you can do is talk and hear the same from other people, too. You can find the links in the grieving guide.

It is never easy to say goodbye. Losing a piggy can catch us out really badly, no matter how long we have had a string of piggies for.
I usually struggle badly with losing younger piggies to a medical problem or a situation beyond my control because I still feel I should have noticed sooner or been able to do more about it, even when my head tells me clearly that I couldn't... :(
 
Last edited:
I'm so sorry for your loss, what you're feeling is totally normal. 5 months after losing my Bramble there are still days when the guilt and anger at myself are as bad as the day I lost her.
I have never had to make the call yet, regarding euthanasia, but I can guarantee that the place we're best in the position to judge when it is time is when we have the piggy in front of us and can accurately assess the quality of life and the prognosis for the future without the pain of grief and the massive sense of loss clouding how we see the situation. You made your decision with love and compassion, that's never a wrong decision ❤
 
So sorry for your loss. What you are feeling is natural and the feelings of a loving, caring owner. I lost my Bailey 6 years ago and there are times I still wonder if I made the right decision. Deep down I know I did, because I made the decision out of love for him. A loving decision to let go is never wrong.xx
 
Hi there,
So sorry hear about your loss but i agree with every body else ,it is normal to feel like that. They are so precious to us and i no its hard and painful but you did the right thing. big hug.xx
 
I am so sorry for your loss of Derek. Please give the Blue cross pet bereavement support service a call their number is 08000966606, the support line is open everyday from 8.30 am until 8.30 pm everyday including weekends, email support is [email protected]. They helped me so much when my beautiful spaniel Connie had to be put to sleep last year, she was over 17 years old, but I was absolutely devastated and still miss her everyday.
Please be kind to yourself, you did everything you could for Derek. get some support and time will help.
Sending you Hugs x
 
Don’t feel alone in your feelings, I’m feeling exactly the same after losing my Rupert on Monday. I had to make the horrible decision, keep thinking should I have carried on with the meds and the feeding etc but really in my head I know it was his time, just my heart telling me different. Especially when I’m seeing pics of him or talking about him. It’s hard to not feel guilty.

I can also vouch for the Blue Cross number above, I’ve called them twice now and they were lovely. About both of my chinchillas, Poppy who I had to put to sleep last year after I’d had her over 7 years and had lots of care with her bad teeth, and her brother Pedro, who I thought I was going to lose a few months back and was struggling to cope with just the thought of it. This brought back the guilty, horrible feelings I had with losing his sister too.

It’s really hard sometimes, just talking about it can help a lot but even that’s difficult when it’s so soon after losing them. Hope you can feel better soon xx
 
Thank you all so much for the kind words and reasurrance that I did the right thing for Derek. I love all 4 of my piggies so very much but I had an extra special bond with Derek he just knew when I was down he would come to the front of his pen and look at me and wait for me to pick him up. He would sit with me for ages just doing nothing. The morning of the day he passed I knew deep down this was it and at first I was adamant he would be ok but as the afternoon came my husband sat me down and talked to me and said that I had to do what's best for Derek I knew he was right. I held Derek all day I never put him down from the moment I found him in the morning till the moment he fell asleep. I will definitely call the bluecross number thank you all so much x
 
Sending you bug hugs, so sorry you lost Derek x
Please don’t feel quilts, you gave him a wonderful life and didn’t give up on him x
 
Sending you huge hugs. The loss we feel in our hearts after losing these little creatures is massive compared to their size on this earth. Feelings of guilt are part of the grieving process and many of us have been exactly where you are. Don’t be afraid to ask for help dealing with your grief. It may be natural but it can feel overwhelming at times. Go gently with yourself.
 
Grief takes time - a long time.
I still go back to the tributes I posted last year for Keziah and Merab as I find reading through helps me when I feel their loss.
Every loved pet leaves a hole in our hearts and healing takes time.
Allow yourself to grieve
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top