Piggy’s Secret Diary (shhh, don’t tell mummy! 🤫)

Abisquartet

Abisquartet

Junior Guinea Pig
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I, Toffee, the smartest and bravest of the 4 piggies have discovered mummy’s website where she talks about us to other piggy slaves. Can you believe the nerve!

Anyways this is our chance for revenge, we are taking back control starting with this thread and documenting our own lives for a chance… take that mummy!

This is my best pose - if mummy sees me sitting like this she says “draw me like one of your French girls!” whatever that means. I can only assume it’s because I look incredibly sophisticated 💅🏼
 

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Bill & Ted said:
Oh Toffee you do look very sophisticated, we piggies always like to hear the gossip!

Love from Ginger, Posh, Kiki and Hector 😻
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Nice to wheek you all!

It’s nice to be recognised as sophisticated for once! Mummy says that eating my own poop doesn’t go well with being sophisticated but here I am to prove her wrong 😇
 
It's great to meet you! Keep us updated on your adventures, and please ban your slave from here. Slaves shouldn't have the privilege of magic glowing boxes. We all know who invented those. . . . .guinea pigs did! So there, slaves!

WHEEKS,

Clover and Stella
 
Nice to meet you Toffee, we look forward to hearing about your adventures.
Wheeks Hector &Hamish
 
Afternoon all!

My name is Simba, but the hoomans call me Bimby, Big Ears, Tufty and Wolvie (apparently because my facial hair looks like Wolverine? Whoever he is he must be very handsome!)

Our mummy was trying out new hay with us yesterday and this is me trying to get to the new Timothy hay. I do hope she picks this one, it was all of our favourites!

Must run, I think I hear the hoomans coming!

Wheeks,

Simba 🦁
 

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Hello fellow piggies
We, Geoff and Bobby think this is a great idea and especially to ban hoomans from it.
Our Mummy thinks she knows exactly what we get up to but….she doesn’t ….we have great fun running about and jumping when she disappears and the lights go out. When she’s about we like to hide.
Altho there is a black thing with a little blue light that clicks sometimes….we don’t know what that is yet.
She calls us babies but we’re 2 and 1/2 years old so that’s not right.
But we get the best hay, lots of lovely grass but only a few vegetables….despite wheeking for more she’s so mean and doesn’t give us more. We think she’s eating them all and she says she’s a ‘veggie’ whatever that is….she doesn’t
take any notice when we tell her we hate having our nails trimmed….altho we don’t mind having our fur brushed.
It’s lovely to know what’s going on in your lives fellow piggies
Happy wheeking
Geoff and Bobby
 

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Geoff and Bobby,
That is totally unfair! You should write the GPU about your dearth of vegetables and the naughty human that's depriving you. Also, wheek more loudly and often. The One and Only Thea of the GPU gave me some advice in regards to assuring that the humans do not neglect us piggies ... I'll share it with you here:

1. Wheek loudly whenever you hear your Hooman on the stairs (this should be quite often if the loo is upstairs).
2. Wheek loudly whenever you hear your Hooman downstairs
3. Wheek whenever you feel like it.

Our room is upstairs, if yours isn't, you may need to adjust your tactics ... or get some more personalized advice from the GPU.

Good Luck,
Latte
 
Toffee,
Of course you're sophisticated! I know a thing or two about being sophisticated (I am a princess, you know), and there's nothing wrong with a little coprophagia. The humans just don't understand the true sophistication that we have as guinea pigs.

Simba,
Humans have funny thought processes. I heard about a piggy that used to live in our room before me, and her name morphed several times to the point where it wasn't very similar at all. Apparently, she actually liked the new name better and let the humans know by responding more it, so be sure to tell your humans which name you like best. They may actually listen ... eventually.

Sincerely,
The magnificent Princess Dustmop, Lexa
 
Dear Geoff and Bobby

I apologise that I didn't pick up on your dilemma earlier! I'm usually not so remiss in giving my advice. You'll have to forgive me. Lexi has been in season and it gets a bit chaotic when that happens as she rumbles and generally makes my life a bit miserable as she tries to throw her weight around.

I see that Latte @Princess Dustmop has already kindly shared the advice I gave her. If your cage is upstairs the advice is very good. However, if your cage is downstairs, as suggested by Latte, a change is tactics is required. Bite at your bars (but not so hard you break your teeth!) this annoys Hoomans very much, if you already bite the bars do it more often and whenever your Hooman walks into your room, they will be so worried that you may break your teeth they will give you some food (hopefully veggies) just to stop you doing it. Also you need to gang up on your Hooman so that whenever she appears you need to turn around and show her your bums (you will need a secret signal for this so that you all do it at the same time).

Yours hoping that you never lack veggies ever again.

The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward
 
Happy wheekend everyone!

I believe we may need to become involved with the GPU. That’s some excellent advice that has been provided and we need to get in on the latest hooman tricks to ensure our fair share of veggies!

We, Gizmo and Domino, can attest that we shout as much as we can when we hear any packet rustle just in case it’s for us - and when it isn’t for us it damn well should be!
 

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Yes, yes! One of the humans here was playing around with the green beans yesterday, and we had concern that she might eat too many or somehow neglect to give us ours, even though the other human had told her to give us green beans if she was going to eat any. I squeaked extra louds and lots, and the human did remember that the best green beans go to us.
 
Princess Dustmop said:
Yes, yes! One of the humans here was playing around with the green beans yesterday, and we had concern that she might eat too many or somehow neglect to give us ours, even though the other human had told her to give us green beans if she was going to eat any. I squeaked extra louds and lots, and the human did remember that the best green beans go to us.
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Good, good! Your slave is learning!
 
Princess Dustmop said:
Geoff and Bobby,
That is totally unfair! You should write the GPU about your dearth of vegetables and the naughty human that's depriving you. Also, wheek more loudly and often. The One and Only Thea of the GPU gave me some advice in regards to assuring that the humans do not neglect us piggies ... I'll share it with you here:

1. Wheek loudly whenever you hear your Hooman on the stairs (this should be quite often if the loo is upstairs).
2. Wheek loudly whenever you hear your Hooman downstairs
3. Wheek whenever you feel like it.

Our room is upstairs, if yours isn't, you may need to adjust your tactics ... or get some more personalized advice from the GPU.

Good Luck,
Latte
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Dear Latte
Thank you for that great advice…. Our room is downstairs and we’ve definitely been wheeking more and more loudly.
She’s not got the idea of more veggies but we did get more grass yesterday.
We decided to get in the way while she was cleaning our home and it made her laugh - is that good ?
She’s still eating all the veggies but we got some parsley today !
The One and Only Thea has great advice but I think she is on a training course atm.
Thank you Latte
Happy wheeking Bobby & Geoff
 
Abisquartet said:
Happy wheekend everyone!

I believe we may need to become involved with the GPU. That’s some excellent advice that has been provided and we need to get in on the latest hooman tricks to ensure our fair share of veggies!

We, Gizmo and Domino, can attest that we shout as much as we can when we hear any packet rustle just in case it’s for us - and when it isn’t for us it damn well should be!
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Dear Gizmo and Domino
We get that ….there is often lots of packet rustling in this house but it never comes our way!
What is it with these slaves ? We need to train them better we think 😂
Happy wheeking
Bobby & Geoff
 
Dear Gizmo and Domino (@Abisquartet),

I am back from my Training Course now and it was very inspirational! I have lots of new advice for you on training your slaves.

First of all I'd like to thank Latte (@Princess Dustmop) for passing on my advice to you and I hope that in some way it helped your lack of veggies. As you live downstairs, the advice of course will be different to that of upstairs piggies. The advice I have already given Bobby and Geoff above is very good to follow, but also you can try this new bit of advice I learnt on my course: be very quiet whenever your slave comes near you, don't wheek and stay hidden. I know this is difficult but it will worry your Slave and she will want to feed you just to make sure you're OK. Don't do it too often as otherwise she will take you to the nasty vet man to be prodded and poked and we wouldn't want that!

The rustling of bags and getting you all excited thinking food is coming and it doesn't is in contravention of Page 7, Paragraph 5, Subsection 2a of the guide "How To Get Your Slave To Feed You When You Hear a Bag Rustle" This clearly states that "If your Slave should open a bag that makes any kind of noise whatsoever, your Slave should feed you some (if not all) of the contents of the bag". To ensure that this happens you should
  1. Do your best to look extra cute
  2. Stand at the bars
  3. Do zoomies around your cage and jump over things in your way.
  4. Stand on your hind legs independently
Your Slave is bound to be very impressed by your newly acquired behaviour and will feed you to reward you and think that you are very clever.

Yours hoping that a treat comes your way very soon

The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward
 
If I may, I would also add that the humans here think it's cute when I stand with my feet in my empty food bowl and seems to understand it as an indication of my starvation, creating a desire to feed us; apparently one of the doggies does this with her water bowl, too, (stare at human, place foot in bowl to demonstrate emptiness) and she reports the human responds pretty well to it for her, as well. Lexa also runs to different objects in her cage to try to maximize what we get out of visits from humans (hay-drop site, bowl, water bottle); looking forlorn and disappointed really helps this (but it's really, really hard!).

-Latte
 
Betsy said:
Dear Latte

I would like to add your tactics to get food of your Hooman Slaves to my list of helpful hints to help fellow piggies in distress. Would you mind if I used them?

Yours thinking your are very talented,

The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward
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Excuse the typos in the above, I am very tired after my Training Course. There was a lot to take in and I have paw ache from all the notes I took!

Yours one very exhausted piggy

The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward.
 
Betsy said:
Dear Latte

I would like to add your tactics to get food of your Hooman Slaves to my list of helpful hints to help fellow piggies in distress. Would you mind if I used them?

Yours thinking your are very talented,

The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward
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Of course! You're very welcome to use our begging tactics. Like I'm sure the information at Betsy Towers has been, some have been passed down through several piggies.

Latte

PS We look forward to benefitting from your time at this training course and hope you get to rest your paw some to help it feel better ... maybe you can work the pity angle on your human to get an extra treat while your human checks you over.
 
Princess Dustmop said:
Of course! You're very welcome to use our begging tactics. Like I'm sure the information at Betsy Towers has been, some have been passed down through several piggies.

Latte

PS We look forward to benefitting from your time at this training course and hope you get to rest your paw some to help it feel better ... maybe you can work the pity angle on your human to get an extra treat while your human checks you over.
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Dear Latte

Thank you so much. You can be assured at the next Training Course (a four day event) next weekend where I am honoured to be a Guest Speaker, I shall be suggesting your begging techniques to all the newbies at the start of their very long training.

Yours very grateful to have your permission

The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward

PS I like your idea of playing the pity angle. I might have to limp a bit (but not too much for too long or I'll have to go to the nasty vet lady) to get extra treats
 
We, the quartet, would like to pass on our most sincere gratitude to those in the GPU.

We followed your instructions to the T and it resulted in not only our mummy buying us more treats but also giving us them 😱

Here’s some pics we managed to snag, though Simba and Domino took off with theirs too quickly to be able to capture this historic moment.

Wheeks,

The Quartet 🐾
 

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Abisquartet said:
We, the quartet, would like to pass on our most sincere gratitude to those in the GPU.

We followed your instructions to the T and it resulted in not only our mummy buying us more treats but also giving us them 😱

Here’s some pics we managed to snag, though Simba and Domino took off with theirs too quickly to be able to capture this historic moment.

Wheeks,

The Quartet 🐾
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Dear Quartet

It so nice to get feedback on my suggestions and it's lovely to know when they work!

Yours delighted

The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward
 
We are fortunate enough to live in a nice, cool house, but the humans keep whining about how hot it is here, too. Apparently, it's "miserably hot" and the plants keep wilting. I think they said it was around 90°F (31°-33° C) and is supposed to be even a bit worse next week (93°F/34°C). No thank you!

- Latte and Lexa
 
Princess Dustmop said:
We are fortunate enough to live in a nice, cool house, but the humans keep whining about how hot it is here, too. Apparently, it's "miserably hot" and the plants keep wilting. I think they said it was around 90°F (31°-33° C) and is supposed to be even a bit worse next week (93°F/34°C). No thank you!

- Latte and Lexa
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Latte and Lexa your hoomans sound the same as mine! It’s far too hot but that means more cucumber for us! Make sure your hoomans follow suit!
 
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