Playing The 'what If' Game

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LozzyBee

LozzyBee

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I can't seem to stop myself and I'm driving myself crazy!

For anyone who doesn't know, we had to have Barnaby PTS on Sunday morning. He had a dental abscess and sadly did not respond to treatment.

I took him to the vets as soon as I suspected something was wrong, I followed it up when he still wasn't better the next day, I asked them to try treating him even though I was 90% certain that he wasn't going to make it. There's literally nothing more I could have done. But I keep beating myself up about it, even though I know I did all I could.

I seem to have all these "what if's", but they're not even valid because I wouldn't have done anything different...but I still can't stop the cycle.

This isn't a post so I can get lots of 'you did all you can' responses...I kind of know I did, but at the same time I keep kicking myself.

Anyone else been here?
Laura x
 
This is one of the down sides to being a caring owner Laura . I was exactly the same when my boar Max passed after bladder stone surgery .

:hug:
 
I was the same when losing my mallow. She became ill and passed away within 12 hours.. She was 18 months old.

She had an infection but they couldnt figure out where.. It was possible meningitis. She saw the vet twice in 12 hours, didnt spike a fever until 6 hours into it all and didnt lose any weight at all.. Thats how fast it hit her.

I wondered if i couldve done more, but with no temp or any abnormalities at the first visit within an hour of seeming "off" , there was nothing for the vet to go on..

You will feel like this for a while but once your emotions calm down you will realise it is just one of those horrible things in life and you'll no longer blame yourself- trust me x
 
((HUGS.)) I have been there too, especially when one of my early pigs passed away (also due to a dental abscess.) At the time I wasn't as knowledgeable and I didn't have as good a vet. Her treatment wasn't as good as my current vet would give (I left the old practice after my experience with Frenzy.) I still feel bad because I feel with my current vet, she might have survived. At the same time, I know that I did everything I knew how to do at the time, and would do even more now because I know more now. We did the best we could. Unfortunately, every life has to end, no matter how much we do to prolong the life of pets we love so much. But yes, I can identify with feeling this way. I think eventually you have to let go, realize that you did everything possible in his illness, and that in all the time leading up to that moment you gave him a beautiful life, and that's the most important thing you could ever do for him.
 
I'm sorry for your loss,grieving process starts with lots of emotions,it is full of what ifs,take your time your much loved companion has left a big hole.be kind to yourself.:hug:
 
The what if's are a huge part of grief.... It is the unreasonable guilt that happens whenever we lose someone or something close to us. Have experienced it every time I have lost a piggy.
Remember what makes a life is not just those final few hours or days but the love we give them throughout their stay with us.
Be kind to yourself and have a hug
 
@Freela
Your experience sounds the same as mine. I would do different now that it's happened, but at the time I did all I could. The second vet was a lot more knowledgeable and I do wonder if Barnaby would still be here had he been seen by him when I first noticed he wasn't right on the Friday...but on the Friday I thought the vet I saw was knowledgeable.

I know time will heal, maybe it's too new for me to be questioning my feelings at the moment.

Thank you everyone for replying. Glad to know I'm not alone, but sad that I'm not alone xx
 
I'm so sorry for your loss (((hugs))) i honestly think that 'what ifs' are completely normal in the grieving process, I still do that with my dog and cat that I lost 5 and 6 years ago even though I know it was old age! Please don't be hard on yourself you have given your piggie the best home possible while they were with you xx
 
Like others have said I think it is part and parcel of being a caring owner.
It is only natural to go through the 'what if's', and as life is rarely perfect I think there will always be questions in our minds.
It is never easy - thinking of you.
 
Oh those troublesome "what ifs"... We've probably all had them. Each time I've lost a piggy I am tormented by what ifs. I now recognise them as a part of the many stages of grief, but they still burrow into your thoughts. Try not to torment yourself. You loved him. You cared for him and got him treatment when he was poorly. You aren't to blame in any way. Be kind to yourself xx
 
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