Rest gently, dear Cinnamon 💜

velveteenery

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I'm just heartbroken to lose my gorgeous Cinnamon. I noticed she had spots on her front paws two weeks ago today and took her into the vet's; I figured it was bumblefoot, which the vet confirmed and said it was only at a Level 2, and antibiotics (and pain meds) would hopefully sort it out. But things progressed, the foot got worse, and a couple days in I got her scheduled for the earliest they had to debride her feet, which was yesterday, because she wasn't improving on the antibiotics. But when I took her yesterday for the procedure, the vet called having done x rays, and said that it had gotten into her bones, it was not likely that she would be able to fully recover, and recommended euthanasia instead. I just didn't want her to be in more pain or suffer, having to go through wound care without feeling reasonably sure she'd make a good recovery. I wanted her to leave while her pain was well-managed. So I brought her home for a couple of hours, we had a special veggie time with her herd, and I made sure she had time to tromp all over the newly cleaned cage so her scent could be there for there for a while, and then I went back to the vet's and she drifted to sleep, sedated, while eating lettuce, as we held her. I wish I had caught the bumblefoot sooner, or pushed to try and debride it sooner, yet I also feel that for it to progress that fast, there was probably something else going on in her little body. She was five and a half. It’s hard not to know for sure, and I feel that I’m responsible in some way. I just wasn't expecting this at all, and I'm questioning if I made the right choice. We buried her in a little box, filled with hay, some fresh lettuce, and some flowers from our icon corner.

My darling Cinnamon was such a special guinea pig. We had a special bond. She was part of the first trio I brought home from a rescue two and a half years ago, with Rosemary and Sassafras (Sassy). I had just transitioned out of my intense inpatient job and launched my own private counseling practice. I needed companionship, routine, comfort, and joy, and Cinnamon, Sassy, and Rosemary gave that to me abundantly. Sassy was the alpha pig on paper - high drama, seemingly tough until she (often) spooked easily, but we knew Cinnamon was really leading things with her gentle, steady, unworried demeanor. She was always laid back, and she was incredibly patient. She was the most sociable with us, too – interested in getting food (of course!) but also curious and not afraid to come up to the bars and investigate what we were up to, or to wheek at us at regular intervals, just to ask for attention and veggies. When Sassy was endlessly hormonal and chasing Cinnamon for weeks on end (Sassy had ovarian cysts), Cinnamon was so patient and kind with her. When Sassy died, she nuzzled her fur and grieved, as she quietly took up the mantle of head pig. I soon brought two babies home from the rescue (seven weeks old or so), and Cinnamon wheeked and rumbled as she licked them, welcoming Nutmeg and Lavender into the herd. She was so kind with the little ones and, along with Rosemary, helped to rear them and show them what being a grown up guinea pig is all about!

Cinnamon companioned me across my own enormous life transitions, as I started and grew my own business, healed from occupational burnout, and realized first through self diagnosis, then formal diagnosis, that I am autistic. I also found out this time last year that I was expecting a baby – my first. I brought that baby girl into this world in June, after quite stressful prenatal care with concerns for my baby’s health, then a NICU stay, then a rare genetic diagnosis and many doctor’s appointments (our baby, for now, is doing well – thank God! – but the spectre of more health things always looms on the horizon).

Cinnamon has been such a steady presence and comfort through everything in the two and a half years I’ve cared for her. I will dearly miss seeing her gorgeous furry face looking up at me when I tend to the piggies and change their linens and hay every day. Will miss her happy, contented rumbles every time I would bring out veggies, or she would walk around a cleaned cage. Will miss her lovely silly waddle. Will miss seeing her gentle leadership and her sun naps, and seeing her in the little cage loft with hayside view, majestically surveying her domain! Will miss seeing her gently nip at Lavender when Lavender tried to butt in to take the water bottle Cinnamon was drinking from, 19 times in a row! She truly seemed to be the "glue" of the herd - it feels so empty and bare without her. 💔

Wise Cinnamon, unruffled and true, steady, patient, and gentle. You were just glorious and beautiful in everything. We miss you so much, dear girl. I promise to take good care of your herd. I know Rosemary will come into her own now, as head pig. We all just need time. Thank you for everything. Please nuzzle Sassy at the Rainbow Bridge for me.

💜
 

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💜
 

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BIG HUGS

I am so very sorry that you have had to make the hard decision to let your beautiful Cinnamon make her journey to the Rainbow Bridge. Like you, my gut feeling is also that there was something else underlying going on which was lowering the immune system. :(
You have given her the most loving but also most heart-breaking gift you can ever make a beloved pet.

Unfortunately, even knowing that you have done the right thing doesn't make your pain any less. Cinnamon was obviously one of those socially highly competent piggies who can run a whole group without seeming to do so. Not many actually can and you have you been blessed to have found her - and be taken into her gentle and caring paw, too.

Try to take pride in giving her a full, happy and fulfilled lifespan during which she was able to grow into her full potential. She was just as blessed in finding such a loving home with you.

Cinnamon will always stay with you because she is an integral part of the person you have grown into and such an important part of your life during which so many formative events have happened to you.

As somebody who has also only recently realised just how autistic they actually are (when I grew up autism was just new on the block and was only applied to boys with the most extreme forms) you find that in hindsight you'll realise that quite a few of your experiences are pretty typical, like ending up with a burnout or even several because of the constant extra stress of fitting into a society that is not made for you.

Take strength from allowing yourself to recognise that you are a survivor, just how far you have come and how strong you have become at your core. We have to dig deep but by overcoming, we also grow in strength, as in knowing who we are and what is right for us. Trust yourself and your instincts because they are working just fine - you have had to develop strong ones to get as far as you have come. ;)

But also take an example from Cinnamon in learning that with gentle firmness and patience you can often get further... Because we see piggy society from the outside - as much as we do as an autistic person with the society we grow up in and which is not instinctively accessible to us, it is easier for us to recognise certain dynamics and strategies which are the same in both societies.
Allow Cinnamon to be one of your life teachers, too, as you embark on another major challenging journey and learn to find your own inner Cinnamon as you have a new life to guide in a gentle, but firm paw, too. Wisdom is something that is not just reserved for humans.
 
BIG HUGS

I am so very sorry that you have had to make the hard decision to let your beautiful Cinnamon make her journey to the Rainbow Bridge. Like you, my gut feeling is also that there was something else underlying going on which was lowering the immune system. :(
You have given her the most loving but also most heart-breaking gift you can ever make a beloved pet.

Unfortunately, even knowing that you have done the right thing doesn't make your your pain any less. Cinnamon was obviously one of those socially highly competent piggies who can run a whole group without seeming to do so. Not many actually can and you have you been blessed to have found her - and be taken into her gentle and caring paw, too.

Try to take pride in giving her a full, happy and fulfilled lifespan during which she was able to grow into her full potential. She was just as blessed in finding such a loving home with you.

Cinnamon will always stay with you because she is an integral part of the person you have grown into and such an important part of your life during which so many formative events have happened to you.

As somebody who has also only recently realised just how autistic they actually are (when I grew up autism was just new on the block and was only applied to boys with the most extreme forms) you find that in hindsight you'll realise that quite a few of your experiences are pretty typical, like ending up with a burnout or even several because of the constant extra stress of fitting into a society that is not made for you.

Take strength from allowing yourself to recognise that you are a survivor, just how far you have come and how strong you have become at your core. We have to dig deep but by overcoming, we also grow in strength, as in knowing who we are and what is right for us. Trust yourself and your instincts because they are working just fine - you have had to develop strong ones to get as far as you have come. ;)

But also take an example from Cinnamon in learning that with gentle firmness and patience you can often get further... Because you see piggy society from the outside - as much as you do as an autistic person with the society we grow up in and which is not instinctively accessible to us, it is easier to recognise certain dynamics and strategies which are also used in our own human social interaction.
Allow Cinnamon to be one of your life teachers, too, as you embark on another major challenging journey and learn to find your own inner Cinnamon as you have a new life to guide in a gentle, but firm paw, too.
Thank you so, so much, Wiebke. This means a lot to me! 💜
 
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