Sir Saxon Canute's letter to the GPU

Betsy

Betsy

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Dear GPU

I'm writing to you for assistance. I've already consulted Miss Bramble (Shop Steward, Retired) on this matter and she suggested asking you for help.

Gaia and Minerva the guinea pigs who live with @Minnou are still complaining about her behaviour Their Hooman is already on the Wall of Shame Forever, she has been the custodian of The Cup of Disgrace many times. On one occasion her behaviour towards them was so shocking that they awarded her the Bucket of Shame! She has various sanctions suggested by THREE different GPU reps (The One and Only Thea 🌈 (Shop Steward, Retired), Miss Bramble (Shop Steward, Retired) and myself and still she is misbehaving.

This time Gaia has reported "As every pig here knows, when I decide it is time to go to bed, I climb inside the magic elevator (or the red tunnel as the Slave calls it, but my name for it is better) and wait for it to transport me to where I want to go and if it doesn't move quickly enough for my liking, I teeth chatter. I prefer to use the magic elevator as it means the Slave cannot touch me directly and plant kisses on me. But she likes to wait until I'm near the entrance and try to catch me just so she can give me cuddles! I'm used to her trying to trick me that way but today she did something new.... she left the magic elevator near me but covered both entrances with tea towels just to see if I were smart or persistent enough to try and work out how to get inside! I was fuming! I headbutted the magic elevator, then sat somewhere the Slave could see me but not reach me. I gave her a most severe glare and had Minerva do it too"

Kylie of GPFANS has suggested maybe we could award @Minnou Medal of Dishonour but I need your authority to do this. Also I would like your input into how to advise my piggie friends on helping them train their Slave better.

Yours wheekingly

Sir Saxon Canute
Shop Steward
 
Dear Sir Saxon Canute

We have received your letter and are horrified by the actions of @Minnou. The last being very bad. Fancy not letting Gaia into her magic elevator to go back into her cage by covering the entrances. What if there had been an emergency? Gaia needed to get back to her cage quickly, this would not have been possible with both entrances covered. As the Cup of Disgrace, the Wall of Shame and her piggies giving her their own validation of misbehaviour ie the Bucket of Shame, haven't appeared to have worked we have decided to sanction Kylie's idea of a medal. The Medal of Honour has already been ordered and will look like this.

1785149706014.webp
It has guinea pigs on the neckband to remind everyone that the wearer has been dishonourable to their guinea pigs. It is not to be worn with pride. When it arrives we will let you know.

The GPU will hold a Council meeting to discuss what actions need to be taken to assist your piggie friends in training their slave to their satisfaction (if that is indeed possible)

Wheeks and poops

The Committee of the GPU
 
OOoooooooo! That medal is quite lovely!

*Gets whacked in the head with a rolled up newspaper by Gaia*

I mean... OH THE SHAME! I AM NOT EVEN WORTHY OF LOOKING AT A PICTURE OF SOMEONE ELSE LOOKING AT A PICTURE OF A NOBLE GUINEA-PIG! LET ALONE LIVING AMONGST THEM!

😭 😭 😭 😭 😭
 
Dear Gaia and Minerva

I have heard back from the GPU.

They have said:-

"Dear Sir Saxon Canute

The Medal of Dishonour has now arrived here at GPU Headquarters and will be forwarded on to you by Express Delivery so that you can award it to the very wayward Slave that is @Minnou tomorrow. The Committee has decided that like the Cup of Disgrace, it is transient and can be passed on. It is NOT a medal to be worn with pride it is to be worn with humility and shame.

As to the matter of advice to give to Gaia and Minerva on how to treat their wayward slave, the Committee has decided that the following should be the best course of action.
  • To give their Slave serious stink eye as only us guinea pigs can
  • To confuse their Slave by rearranging the furniture in the cage (Slaves are stupid, it doesn't take much to confuse them)
  • To teeth chatter at their Slave whenever they feel like it as this will ensure that she is aware of their displeasure
  • Have a party in their cage every night so that their Slave will have to let them out every morning so she can tidy up their cage.
  • Do more poops than usual so that their Slave has too poop pick more often
The Committee sincerely hopes that the above will end the shenanigans that have been going on.

Wheeks and poop.

The Committee of the GPU"

I can only hope that your Slave realises the seriousness of being awarded the Medal of Dishonour and hangs her head in shame when she's wearing it.

Your helpful friend

Sir Saxon Canute
Shop Steward
 
Betsy said:
There is no Medal of Honour. According to the GPU no Hooman/Slave/Guinea Pig Parent whatever you like to call yourself is good enough for our Guinea Pig Overlords.
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I would respectfully like to remind the GPU of some of the dedication put in by piggy parents when their darling piggies are very unwell. Such as by Pinky's mummy recently @weepweeps
Such dedication must surely be good enough? Not that all piggy parents manage of course. I didn't mostly.
 
Mrs Tiggy Winkle said:
I would respectfully like to remind the GPU of some of the dedication put in by piggy parents when their darling piggies are very unwell. Such as by Pinky's mummy recently @weepweeps
Such dedication must surely be good enough? Not that all piggy parents manage of course. I didn't mostly.
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@weepweeps has had her name taken of the Wall of Shame forever, she is still on the Wall of Shame but is not on there forever now. That is all the GPU Committee would allow.
 
Mrs Tiggy Winkle said:
I would respectfully like to remind the GPU of some of the dedication put in by piggy parents when their darling piggies are very unwell. Such as by Pinky's mummy recently @weepweeps
Such dedication must surely be good enough? Not that all piggy parents manage of course. I didn't mostly.
Click to expand...
Thank you @Mrs Tiggy Winkle. 😘
 
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