Struggling To Bond With The Piggies

[anniedabannie]

Before I start I just want to say that I absolutely love my piggles to bits. They are my two best friends (who can resist, just look at their scrummy faces )


The person struggling to bond with them is my sister.

The story is that we got Poldark and Sage as a joint responsibility... but Nelly hasn't ever taken an interest in looking after them other than snuggles. So they've become my special boys really (which is cool with me!)

We've had a family cat called Jeeves for as long as we've had my little sister - they have the same birthday! - so she and Nelly were extremely close because they grew up together. Sadly, yesterday Jeeves died suddenly and now Nelly is saying she misses the bond with a furry friend.




We're all very sad, so I brought her the boys to cuddle this morning but she doesn't seem so interested. I'm hoping that they can help her feel better... But she says she doesn't love them.

I've said to her that you get out what you put in If she loves the pigs like her own children, they'll be just as affectionate as Jeeves was!

I don't really know what I'm asking. How can I help her bond with them? It's killing me to see her so unhappy

 

[Swissgreys]

Firstly I am really sorry to hear about Jeeves. It's never easy to loose a family member.

Right now I think your sister probably just needs time.
Whilst it is hard to see her so unhappy, you also need to let her be sad for a while - it's ok to be sad when you experience a major loss, and some people need to grieve for longer and in different ways than others.

And your piggies are gorgeous.
I am certain that in time your sister will come around to loving them just as much as you do.
You are doing exactly the right thing - giving her the opportunity to be involved and create a bond with them, and this will eventually happen.
But right now she is possibly feeling slightly resentful towards them because they are here, and Jeeves is not.

You sound like a really caring owner and wonderful sister.
Nelly and your pigs are very lucky.

 

[anniedabannie]

Firstly I am really sorry to hear about Jeeves. It's never easy to loose a family member.

Right now I think your sister probably just needs time.
Whilst it is hard to see her so unhappy, you also need to let her be sad for a while - it's ok to be sad when you experience a major loss, and some people need to grieve for longer and in different ways than others.

And your piggies are gorgeous.
I am certain that in time your sister will come around to loving them just as much as you do.
You are doing exactly the right thing - giving her the opportunity to be involved and create a bond with them, and this will eventually happen.
But right now she is possibly feeling slightly resentful towards them because they are here, and Jeeves is not.

You sound like a really caring owner and wonderful sister.
Nelly and your pigs are very lucky.

Thank you for saying so I so desperately want to make it right I didn't really stop to think about any of that... so thank you for the gentle reminder x

 

[Deleted member 114675]

Hugs to you and your sister

I agree with everything Swissgreys has already said. I know it's not easy - but sometimes the only healer it time.

 

[Wiebke]

Before I start I just want to say that I absolutely love my piggles to bits. They are my two best friends (who can resist, just look at their scrummy faces )

View attachment 45434
The person struggling to bond with them is my sister.

The story is that we got Poldark and Sage as a joint responsibility... but Nelly hasn't ever taken an interest in looking after them other than snuggles. So they've become my special boys really (which is cool with me!)

We've had a family cat called Jeeves for as long as we've had my little sister - they have the same birthday! - so she and Nelly were extremely close because they grew up together. Sadly, yesterday Jeeves died suddenly and now Nelly is saying she misses the bond with a furry friend.


View attachment 45433

We're all very sad, so I brought her the boys to cuddle this morning but she doesn't seem so interested. I'm hoping that they can help her feel better... But she says she doesn't love them.

I've said to her that you get out what you put in If she loves the pigs like her own children, they'll be just as affectionate as Jeeves was!

I don't really know what I'm asking. How can I help her bond with them? It's killing me to see her so unhappy

Don't try to force the boys on your sister. It is normal that you have a closer bond with some pets rather than others. Your experience is not at all rare when you have shared pets as siblings; they generally end up sticking with one family member rather than several unless you all go for them by your own choice.

As far as your sister is concerned, your boys can never come close to filling the void that Jeeves has left and that she is currently grieving over. Your gesture has been well meant, but as each bond is unique, you cannot just switch your affection. What your sister wants right now is cuddles with Jeeves - because he is pet that she has the kind of bond with you have with your boys...

You cannot force feelings and you can't manifacture a bond; the more you push, the more your sister is going to resist, unfortunately.
The piggy boys are happy with you; your sister has to go her own way and have her own bonds with animals and people that speak to her heart. It is much more likely that she'll rather click with another cat eventually when she is over the acute loss of her special pet, but that decision has to come from her, not from you. That is something you have to accept.

Just be there for your sister if she wants company and would like to talk about Jeeves. People react differently to a loss. Some have the need to share their feelings, others withdraw when they are unhappy. In the latter case, you have to wait until they come out of their shell again. But this is not about your guinea pigs (which is what they are emotionally for your sister), but about her and Jeeves. Give her little tokens of affection that show that you care about her and Jeeves, but that she is not required or expected to act upon.

 

[Freela]

I'm sorry for your loss. Losing pets is never easy. Sometimes we can have a special bond with one animal and having another animal present doesn't necessarily fill the void. Your sister probably needs some time to grieve the unique relationship she had with Jeeves... nothing is going to replace that relationship, as it was unique and special and nothing else is going to fill that void right now. In time she may come around to bonding more with the pigs, or she may not... which I think is fairly normal. I have three kids and two of them are very attached to the guinea pigs and the other not so much (although she does routine care like making sure they have food and water, but she doesn't love on them like the other kids do. She says she would like a pet that is 'just hers,' so maybe we will do that for her at some point.) But my point is that grief when you lose someone is normal and, much as it's hard to see her hurting, you can't 'fix' something that isn't fixable. I can understand what she says about not loving the pigs... I know after losing a guinea pig I always end up with another pig pretty quickly so that my remaining pig won't have to spend too much time alone, but I always felt that acute sense of not being attached to my new pig. I really didn't want them, they were just there to be company for my other pig. I didn't want them... I wanted my other pig not to be gone. However, given some time to heal and some time to get to know the new addition, and I warmed up to them and ended up loving them just as much, but I certainly wasn't emotionally ready to do that immediately after a loss.