Struggling with decision to euthanise guinea pig with bladder stone obstruction

[ceciliaxdee]

I am struggling with the guilt and regret around putting my 6.5 year old Guinea pig Custard to sleep around 3 weeks ago. She had lymphoma since she was just under 4 years of age but had been stable on daily steroids and diuretics since diagnosis (for 2 years 7 months! The longest her exotic vet has ever seen).

However she had a large bladder stone lodged in the nook in the urethra that was obstructing her from urinating. She had stopped eating at this point and had a low temperature.
Unfortunately my long term usual exotic vet was away overseas and so I rushed her to an emergency exotic vet clinic. The vet I saw was recommending against surgery as he didn’t think she would survive and recover.

They couldn’t milk it out as it seemed to be stuck behind a nook and there was a risk of her bladder rupturing and her dying painfully. We kept her there for the day to see if she could pass it or if she could urinate still but she didn’t do either. When the vet drained her bladder it was almost pure blood and yucky stuff that came out. We decided to let her go as she was struggling and it didn’t feel right to put her through anymore pain.

I have regrets about whether I should have thrown a Hail Mary at the surgery and given her a chance to see if she would survive and recover but on the day I struggled with whether it would be fair to put a senior pig who was already terminally ill through a major surgery. And I tried to make a decision not based on my selfish desire to keep her around but what would be best for her and not to cause more pain or suffering. I also worried whether she would start eating again or if she might just die on the surgery table too. Once I found out she had lymphoma, I always said I would let her go if she stopped eating and that was the first time she had ever done that. But my guilt asks if she would have started eating again once she felt better if she survived the surgery.

Now her cage mate is left as my last solo piggie and this is also adding to my guilt. Maybe if she survived, they would have had another 6-12 months together.

I’ve attached a photo of my beautiful girl Custard.

 

[Roselina]

I am struggling with the guilt and regret around putting my 6.5 year old Guinea pig Custard to sleep around 3 weeks ago. She had lymphoma since she was just under 4 years of age but had been stable on daily steroids and diuretics since diagnosis (for 2 years 7 months! The longest her exotic vet has ever seen).

However she had a large bladder stone lodged in the nook in the urethra that was obstructing her from urinating. She had stopped eating at this point and had a low temperature.
Unfortunately my long term usual exotic vet was away overseas and so I rushed her to an emergency exotic vet clinic. The vet I saw was recommending against surgery as he didn’t think she would survive and recover.

They couldn’t milk it out as it seemed to be stuck behind a nook and there was a risk of her bladder rupturing and her dying painfully. We kept her there for the day to see if she could pass it or if she could urinate still but she didn’t do either. When the vet drained her bladder it was almost pure blood and yucky stuff that came out. We decided to let her go as she was struggling and it didn’t feel right to put her through anymore pain.

I have regrets about whether I should have thrown a Hail Mary at the surgery and given her a chance to see if she would survive and recover but on the day I struggled with whether it would be fair to put a senior pig who was already terminally ill through a major surgery. And I tried to make a decision not based on my selfish desire to keep her around but what would be best for her and not to cause more pain or suffering. I also worried whether she would start eating again or if she might just die on the surgery table too. Once I found out she had lymphoma, I always said I would let her go if she stopped eating and that was the first time she had ever done that. But my guilt asks if she would have started eating again once she felt better if she survived the surgery.

Now her cage mate is left as my last solo piggie and this is also adding to my guilt. Maybe if she survived, they would have had another 6-12 months together.

I’ve attached a photo of my beautiful girl Custard.

She was a beautiful piggy
I can understand your thoughts but I think it’s the ‘grief’ talking ….there is always the what if, was it right, should I have ….
You made the best decision at the time for Custard and that is all she would have wanted you to do
To live to 6.5 years with lymphoma is amazing and she clearly was living her best life with you and her friend
Try to remember the lovely memories you have of Custard
Sending much love to you both

 

[weepweeps]

I’m so sorry you had to let Custard go. But it sounds to me like you did the right thing. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Sending you hugs. Take care

 

[Truffolo]

She was beautiful, lovely name for a lovely piggy. I would have made the same decision under the same circumstances. Very sad RIP sweet little Custard

 

[Claire W]

Custard was beautiful and to get to 6.5 years old while battling lymphoma is amazing.

Many of us, myself included have been there and asked the what’s ifs, buts and maybe’s but under the circumstances, I think you made the kindest decision for Custard and your decision was made out of love and was the greatest act of kindness we can give as you spared her any suffering.

Please be gentle with yourself as you grieve x

 

[CTWC]

I am so sorry you had to make this heartbreaking decision we always question our decisions but we would never know how it might have turned out id you had taken a different path.
You made the decision with Custard's best interests at heart and whilst this won't mend your broken heart in time it may comfort you.

 

[Merab]

So sorry that you had to make that heartbreaking decision.
What if…
Should I have…
These are normal questions following a bereavement.
You gave Custard a wonderful life. She lived to a great age and you made the best decision you could for her.
Holding you in my heart

 

[thewheakybeans]

Sorry for your loss. Rest peacefully beautiful Custard

 

[Wiebke]

BIG HUGS

I am very sorry that you that you have had to make that decision for your stunning Custard. Please accept that you have done absolutely the right thing.

A blocked up urethra and then a full bladder is extremely painful. Once the urine backs into the kidneys, it is fatal and it is not the nicest of deaths.

The lymphoma would majorly impede any recovery and likely speed up because of the operation. We have seen this several times on here when lymphoma was found in piggies who failed to heal and which had to be put to sleep because of that. In your case, any operation would have been most likely just a very expensive euthanasia with lots of unnecessary suffering for Custard and even more heartbreak, stress and no less of a guilt trip for you.

As owners, these kinds of what I call 'between a rock and a hard place' end of life decisions are what we all never wish to be faced with but sadly are all too often because of our generally good care, allowing our piggies to get to an age when the much faster metabolism is turning against them and problems start piling up and playing into each other.

This is not helped by our own human species wiring to reflect everything back onto ourselves and to always seek fault with ourselves, even where there isn't any reason to.
You wouldn't experience those strong feelings of failure and guilt if you didn't care deeply. They are actually not an expression of you having done anything wrong (you haven't) but of how deeply you love - Custard was one lucky girl to have found you, as much as you were blessed to have her in your life.

Please take the time to read this link here and answer the questions with the additional information I have given you above. I hope that this will help you to break out of the pernicious grieving mind loop you are currently caught in and give you more peace of mind.
Operation, Terminal Care or Euthanasia? - Helpful Questions to Ask Ahead or in Hindsight

Here is our general guide for grieving owners, which contains a description of the more common places you can be taken to. Grieving is a much more complex journey than you would expect and it can take you to some truly weird places and some serious mental and emotional potholes; the guilt trap being the most common because we all care for our pets, irrespective of the species.
It also contains practical ways of how you can help yourself as well as places where you can find trained volunteers help if you struggle to sleep or function and develop symptoms of a PTSD reaction.
Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

Please bookmark this your personal ongoing support thread so you can easily pick it up again whenever you need to. Unlike social media we can give you personalised support for any length of time.
We provide ongoing understanding community support with our own shared experiences because we know where you are coming from and how it feels what you are going through right now so you do not have to feel alone or over the top. You are just going through what many of us do with their own much loved piggies.

 

[LucyP]

So sorry you lost the beautiful Custard. It sounds like she lived a great, long, happy life under your fantastic care and she would have been more than happy with the decisions you made, always with her wellbeing being your priority. Your love for her shines through.

As others have said, it really does sound like the odds were stacked against her and it was definitely the kindest thing to do. As a vet said to me once - 'just because we can intervene, doesn't always mean that we should. Sometimes the kindest thing of all is knowing when to call it day.' Hard as that is of course.

My thoughts are with you as you grieve. You went through so much together and I know how painful these losses are. But be very proud of the life you gave her and know that you did the right thing. All the best.

 

[ceciliaxdee]

Thank you all for taking the time to share your kind and comforting words. I am definitely struggling, Custard was my last girl in my herd and also my soul piggie. I’ve also lost a pig every 3-12 months for the past three years. Stormie to pneumonia and severe bloat, Evie to heart failure, Millie to a tumour on her kidney, Zoe to an aggressive Lymphoma, Luna to a mass in her neck. So it has been full on, and my heart is so heavy. All the others made the choice for me and it was palliative care and either a home death, a struggle with illness that didn’t respond to treatment or mad rush to the vet to PTS but not in time. The fact that I made the decision so suddenly for Custard weighs heavy on my heart and I miss her so much also.

I didn’t realise that the lymphoma affected healing that much! But that makes sense as it does make the immune system not work properly and also she was on steroids. She had been desexed before her diagnosis and recovered quite well from that surgery but the vet said the surgery to remove the bladder stone would be much more invasive, longer and also her age now and overall condition is different from when she was desexed. However my usual exotic vet (very experienced piggie and rabbit specialist) said she usually sees piggies do well from a bladder stone surgery so those two different veterinary views play on my mind.

I hope with time it will hurt less. Some days I feel I made the right choice, some days I am plagued with regret and what ifs. I did review some of the guides on this forum when I was making the decision and it did help me to come to the decision to not put her through the surgery.

I always knew I’d have to let her go but because of the lymphoma I thought it would be a slow decline and I would have time to process and make the choice when it came time but finding her not eating the Sunday evening, followed by a mad rush to the vet Monday morning, finding a massive bladder stone and letting her go that afternoon was something that took me completely off guard.

 

[Claire W]

Thank you all for taking the time to share your kind and comforting words. I am definitely struggling, Custard was my last girl in my herd and also my soul piggie. I’ve also lost a pig every 3-12 months for the past three years. Stormie to pneumonia and severe bloat, Evie to heart failure, Millie to a tumour on her kidney, Zoe to an aggressive Lymphoma, Luna to a mass in her neck. So it has been full on, and my heart is so heavy. All the others made the choice for me and it was palliative care and either a home death, a struggle with illness that didn’t respond to treatment or mad rush to the vet to PTS but not in time. The fact that I made the decision so suddenly for Custard weighs heavy on my heart and I miss her so much also.

I didn’t realise that the lymphoma affected healing that much! But that makes sense as it does make the immune system not work properly and also she was on steroids. She had been desexed before her diagnosis and recovered quite well from that surgery but the vet said the surgery to remove the bladder stone would be much more invasive, longer and also her age now and overall condition is different from when she was desexed. However my usual exotic vet (very experienced piggie and rabbit specialist) said she usually sees piggies do well from a bladder stone surgery so those two different veterinary views play on my mind.

I hope with time it will hurt less. Some days I feel I made the right choice, some days I am plagued with regret and what ifs. I did review some of the guides on this forum when I was making the decision and it did help me to come to the decision to not put her through the surgery.

I always knew I’d have to let her go but because of the lymphoma I thought it would be a slow decline and I would have time to process and make the choice when it came time but finding her not eating the Sunday evening, followed by a mad rush to the vet Monday morning, finding a massive bladder stone and letting her go that afternoon was something that took me completely off guard.

I’m so sorry for the tough time you have had and it’s hard when we lose our last remaining piggy in the herd but please take comfort that you loved your girls very much and that they’re all together at the rainbow bridge watching over you (((hugs))) x

 

[Truffolo]

Your piggies had good lives, they were so well cared for and loved. You must miss them so much

 

[Wiebke]

Thank you all for taking the time to share your kind and comforting words. I am definitely struggling, Custard was my last girl in my herd and also my soul piggie. I’ve also lost a pig every 3-12 months for the past three years. Stormie to pneumonia and severe bloat, Evie to heart failure, Millie to a tumour on her kidney, Zoe to an aggressive Lymphoma, Luna to a mass in her neck. So it has been full on, and my heart is so heavy. All the others made the choice for me and it was palliative care and either a home death, a struggle with illness that didn’t respond to treatment or mad rush to the vet to PTS but not in time. The fact that I made the decision so suddenly for Custard weighs heavy on my heart and I miss her so much also.

I didn’t realise that the lymphoma affected healing that much! But that makes sense as it does make the immune system not work properly and also she was on steroids. She had been desexed before her diagnosis and recovered quite well from that surgery but the vet said the surgery to remove the bladder stone would be much more invasive, longer and also her age now and overall condition is different from when she was desexed. However my usual exotic vet (very experienced piggie and rabbit specialist) said she usually sees piggies do well from a bladder stone surgery so those two different veterinary views play on my mind.

I hope with time it will hurt less. Some days I feel I made the right choice, some days I am plagued with regret and what ifs. I did review some of the guides on this forum when I was making the decision and it did help me to come to the decision to not put her through the surgery.

I always knew I’d have to let her go but because of the lymphoma I thought it would be a slow decline and I would have time to process and make the choice when it came time but finding her not eating the Sunday evening, followed by a mad rush to the vet Monday morning, finding a massive bladder stone and letting her go that afternoon was something that took me completely off guard.

A normal bladder stone operation is generally an operation with a good recovery rate unless there are major complications - and lymphoma is most definitely in the top category of possible healing complications.

What you are experiencing is very much a traumatic reaction, not helped by all your recent and not fully digested losses saying hello again. This is normal; but when you have had a few of them in fairly close succession or you are coming to the end of an era, then it can add quite a bit of extra grieving volume.

You also have to take into consideration that with Custard you have had the shock of her impending loss unexpectedly coinciding with her actual loss (pts on the spot without warning); this usually results in enhancing the trauma response and the guilt reflex, as I know from my personal experiences of losing piggies of my own in several 'stampedes to the Rainbow Bridge' batches over the years, as well as from supporting forum members over the years. It is always much harder when you cannot brace for a sudden loss, and even harder when the case is not quite so urgent that the decision is basically taken out of your hand.

Your losses are actually all down to the kind of nasty health problems you get to deal with much more often when you - as a very good owner - prevent all the preventable issues. What you are left with is are the less nice ones, unfortunately, that come down to what goes massively wrong in the body first and then whether/how soon there is a knock-on effect.

But please try to rather see that as a testament of your good ownership and not as bad luck. What none of us can do is to eliminate any all health issues in our mass-produced small pets with a much faster metabolism, so the risk of things going wrong sooner or later is higher.
Sadly, we can never choose what from and in which form the end comes. That is a tiger we have to ride wherever it leads us, whether that is our pets or our human relationships and family.

Give yourself time to be sad but try not to feel bad. There is no reason for the latter. You have done all the right things and you have made most definitely the right decision. We just tend to forget that piggies are only small animals with much shorter lives because they pack such a punch in terms of personalities.

And we grieve to the extent that we love, irrespective of the species. It is the bond that counts. That is not something we can just walk away from with the shrug of a shoulder; not with how deeply we all love our little furry ones...

Talking about it, writing a diary about your feelings and recording with special memories with Custard and her friends can help you with the processing. Just try to see it as a heaped double portion platter with some added remnants from old sundries jars - but you can only eat so much and so fast, so it takes time to work your way through it all and come to terms with it.

Losing a special piggy makes it all the harder... Try to cherish having had Custard for so long and that you have spared her any further unnecessary suffering and pain.
What matters most is that Custard and her friends have all had what they wanted out of their lives: many happy todays in your loving care filled with good company and a minimum of suffering at the sharp end.

HUGS

 

[LucyP]

It does sound so upsetting, I really feel for you. Maybe worth holding in your mind that even if she had made it through the operation (which sounds touch and go in her case) the recovery could have been hard work for her and not very nice for her, only to possibly succumb to the lymphoma quite soon anyway, and then you'd be beating yourself for putting her through the op. Sometimes we just can't win whatever we decide, but I think sparing her the operation was definitely the right decision.

I do feel for you re the speed of events. In December I had to rush a pig to the vets at 8am one morning, (she seemed fine the day before), they scanned her and found inoperable masses, and we had to let her be PTS the same day. I am still in shock tbh, but sometimes their little bodies can only take so much. Heartbreaking. For such small animals they certainly occupy a lot of our hearts.

Take care as you grieve.

 

[ceciliaxdee]

A normal bladder stone operation is generally an operation with a good recovery rate unless there are major complications - and lymphoma is most definitely in the top category of possible healing complications.

What you are experiencing is very much a traumatic reaction, not helped by all your recent and not fully digested losses saying hello again. This is normal; but when you have had a few of them in fairly close succession or you are coming to the end of an era, then it can add quite a bit of extra grieving volume.

You also have to take into consideration that with Custard you have had the shock of her impending loss unexpectedly coinciding with her actual loss (pts on the spot without warning); this usually results in enhancing the trauma response and the guilt reflex, as I know from my personal experiences of losing piggies of my own in several 'stampedes to the Rainbow Bridge' batches over the years, as well as from supporting forum members over the years. It is always much harder when you cannot brace for a sudden loss, and even harder when the case is not quite so urgent that the decision is basically taken out of your hand.

Your losses are actually all down to the kind of nasty health problems you get to deal with much more often when you - as a very good owner - prevent all the preventable issues. What you are left with is are the less nice ones, unfortunately, that come down to what goes massively wrong in the body first and then whether/how soon there is a knock-on effect.

But please try to rather see that as a testament of your good ownership and not as bad luck. What none of us can do is to eliminate any all health issues in our mass-produced small pets with a much faster metabolism, so the risk of things going wrong sooner or later is higher.
Sadly, we can never choose what from and in which form the end comes. That is a tiger we have to ride wherever it leads us, whether that is our pets or our human relationships and family.

Give yourself time to be sad but try not to feel bad. There is no reason for the latter. You have done all the right things and you have made most definitely the right decision. We just tend to forget that piggies are only small animals with much shorter lives because they pack such a punch in terms of personalities.

And we grieve to the extent that we love, irrespective of the species. It is the bond that counts. That is not something we can just walk away from with the shrug of a shoulder; not with how deeply we all love our little furry ones...

Talking about it, writing a diary about your feelings and recording with special memories with Custard and her friends can help you with the processing. Just try to see it as a heaped double portion platter with some added remnants from old sundries jars - but you can only eat so much and so fast, so it takes time to work your way through it all and come to terms with it.

Losing a special piggy makes it all the harder... Try to cherish having had Custard for so long and that you have spared her any further unnecessary suffering and pain.
What matters most is that Custard and her friends have all had what they wanted out of their lives: many happy todays in your loving care filled with good company and a minimum of suffering at the sharp end.

HUGS

Thank you so much. I really appreciate all the guidance and read this a few times as I processed things this week. It’s been rough, I have been crying randomly and been overwhelmed with pain and sadness at missing Custard. She was my soul piggie and best friend and I miss her so deeply. I was able to take some time and watch a few videos of her back fondly and be reminded of happy times which I guess is some progress. It’s really hard to pass her cage where my single desexed Boar, Archie, still lives in solo now, and not see her run out and greet me like she always does.

I was needing some closure so I reached out to my regular exotic vet and asked her what percentage of success in her opinion she thinks the operation would have been if I had thrown a Hail Mary at it. She said upon reflection, Custard had been slowly losing weight over the past year so she thinks we were starting to near the end. She said around 10% chance she’d be discharged with high risk of ongoing complications. Which is very low. We will never know but I hope that the decision I made with love spared her any further suffering.

I hope this stage of extreme sadness passes soon.

 

[ceciliaxdee]

It does sound so upsetting, I really feel for you. Maybe worth holding in your mind that even if she had made it through the operation (which sounds touch and go in her case) the recovery could have been hard work for her and not very nice for her, only to possibly succumb to the lymphoma quite soon anyway, and then you'd be beating yourself for putting her through the op. Sometimes we just can't win whatever we decide, but I think sparing her the operation was definitely the right decision.

I do feel for you re the speed of events. In December I had to rush a pig to the vets at 8am one morning, (she seemed fine the day before), they scanned her and found inoperable masses, and we had to let her be PTS the same day. I am still in shock tbh, but sometimes their little bodies can only take so much. Heartbreaking. For such small animals they certainly occupy a lot of our hearts.

Take care as you grieve.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your piggie also the speed of events is never easy, I’ve had a few fine the day before only to suddenly go down hill. The shock is so bad, it is heartbreaking. They do take up so much in our hearts and for such short life spans, it’s so difficult.

I agree, I had a feeling the lymphoma was progressing and she was starting to slow down a lot. I didn’t want her spending her last moments trying to recover from major surgery. It didn’t seem fair to make her go through that. This is the grief again, but I just hope I didn’t take another year away from her if she was able to make it through

 

[LucyP]

Thank you for your kind words.

10% is very low, and I think you could so easily have regretted trying the operation (even though there are no wrong answers). You did incredibly well to get her as far as you did, but in all likelihood it seems that your lovely girl was sadly reaching the end of the road, and what you did was give her the kindest of gifts with a gentle passing, free from invasive procedures and complications.

This is all still very raw, it's so recent, and the loss of a piggy as loved as Custard is bound to hit hard, but it will get easier and it won't always feel so acutely painful as it does right now. Be gentle with yourself in the meantime. And be proud of the amazing life you gave her! You did her proud, from the beginning to the end. She knew how loved and cared for she was. That counts for everything in their little worlds, not the numbers of days.

 

[Wiebke]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate all the guidance and read this a few times as I processed things this week. It’s been rough, I have been crying randomly and been overwhelmed with pain and sadness at missing Custard. She was my soul piggie and best friend and I miss her so deeply. I was able to take some time and watch a few videos of her back fondly and be reminded of happy times which I guess is some progress. It’s really hard to pass her cage where my single desexed Boar, Archie, still lives in solo now, and not see her run out and greet me like she always does.

I was needing some closure so I reached out to my regular exotic vet and asked her what percentage of success in her opinion she thinks the operation would have been if I had thrown a Hail Mary at it. She said upon reflection, Custard had been slowly losing weight over the past year so she thinks we were starting to near the end. She said around 10% chance she’d be discharged with high risk of ongoing complications. Which is very low. We will never know but I hope that the decision I made with love spared her any further suffering.

I hope this stage of extreme sadness passes soon.

10% success rate is very close to hoping for a miracle for your own sake. Those are not odds you want to have an elderly piggy operated on who would essentially either die during the operation/recovery phase or die in major pain and discomfort in the wake of the operation.

It is bascially an even more stressful, expensive and horrible way of euthanasing for you because you would be put through the ringer hoping for a miracle and dreading it not happening and the next hoop of Custard either coming home in a very bad state or having to stay on and not making at the vets in the after the op. We have seen this with other members, and I can assure you that it is in some respects even worse for any owner to cope with and to walk away from.

You have given Custard the most heart-breaking but at the same time the kindest gift by sparing her all this and also sparing her to having to die naturally in pain and discomfort when her body would have given up on its own. You have been strong and courageous for her when it counted. Never forget that and never underestimate yourself.

Try to see it like this: Would we not rather live with a bleeding heart than seeing our beloved ones suffer unnecessarily because our fears of letting go are greater than our love?

PS: If you need more trained grieving support in your country, try this link. I think that services are free.
NALAG Grief Support

HUGS

 

[ceciliaxdee]

Thank you both. I’m not sure if my vet said 10% to make me feel better as she knows I’m grieving hard but logically in the past, whenever it was 50% or less for an elderly piggie I’ve said no to surgery. I guess in this case with the bladder stone it’s a generally more common surgery that pigs do recover from while I’ve said no to surgery for tumours on kidneys etc where in my view are much more risky with major organs etc.

I think because Custard was a very tough piggie who always recovered quite well from anaesthesia I am struggling more. With her my gut was very torn both ways, as she isn’t as sensitive as my others. While with my girl Millie with the kidney tumour, she was super sensitive and when she was younger, struggled even after a standard spay so when she got the tumour on the kidney, I knew the right choice was palliative care vs surgery on a senior pig, I just knew she wouldn’t be able to handle it nor want to.

With Custard, I did feel very torn as I think she would have wanted to live more and had done quite well with prior procedures (including draining fluid from her lungs when she first got diagnosed with lymphoma). When she was first diagnosed with lymphoma, she was 3.5 years old ish and had to stay in the ICU for 5 days. All the vets told me to euthanise her but I didn’t and when my current usual exotic vet was rostered on, she diagnosed her and with her amazing skill set managed to drain so much fluid out from her lungs. And then she was absolutely fine and stable for another 2 years 7 months! It was nothing short of a miracle then.

So this decision now to euthanise her, was more a decision I made on her behalf to weigh up odds and prevent further suffering given she’s much older at 6.5 years. I do struggle with accepting it still knowing that she had come back before from risky procedures. Hopefully with time it will get easier and these kind of doubt and thoughts settle.

 

[ceciliaxdee]

10% success rate is very close to hoping for a miracle for your own sake. Those are not odds you want to have an elderly piggy operated on who would essentially either die during the operation/recovery phase or die in major pain and discomfort in the wake of the operation.

It is bascially an even more stressful, expensive and horrible way of euthanasing for you because you would be put through the ringer hoping for a miracle and dreading it not happening and the next hoop of Custard either coming home in a very bad state or having to stay on and not making at the vets in the after the op. We have seen this with other members, and I can assure you that it is in some respects even worse for any owner to cope with and to walk away from.

You have given Custard the most heart-breaking but at the same time the kindest gift by sparing her all this and also sparing her to having to die naturally in pain and discomfort when her body would have given up on its own. You have been strong and courageous for her when it counted. Never forget that and never underestimate yourself.

Try to see it like this: Would we not rather live with a bleeding heart than seeing our beloved ones suffer unnecessarily because our fears of letting go are greater than our love?

PS: If you need more trained grieving support in your country, try this link. I think that services are free.
NALAG Grief Support

HUGS

I should also say, I had a desexing operation go wrong around 6 years ago as the vet (not my usual one) made a mistake. She ended up having to remove one kidney and my boy Remy was hospitalised for a week but he never recovered. I had to put him to sleep after that week and one of my biggest regrets is putting him through that week of pain trying to recover from this major surgery. That did play on my mind and into my decision with whether to put Custard through surgery also.

 

[CTWC]

@ceciliaxdee
My heart does go out to you and I wish words could help to ease your pain. It is clear to everyone on here how much you adore and cherish your guineas and we understand that when heartbreaking decisions are made we will always question them
Do you have a Blue Cross type organisation where you are as here they have pet bereavement advisors to help

 

[Wiebke]

I should also say, I had a desexing operation go wrong around 6 years ago as the vet (not my usual one) made a mistake. She ended up having to remove one kidney and my boy Remy was hospitalised for a week but he never recovered. I had to put him to sleep after that week and one of my biggest regrets is putting him through that week of pain trying to recover from this major surgery. That did play on my mind and into my decision with whether to put Custard through surgery also.

Try to take comfort in that you have done your best for Custard and have spared her any unnecessary suffering; especially as you have personal experience about the kind of thickets that a make or break decision can get you. It is always harder on any of us when the case is not clear cut and you are racing for an emergency pts (putting to sleep).

We can never choose when and what from our beloved ones die but we can often choose to spare them pain, even if that comes at the cost of some major soul-searching and extra grieving for us. Euthanasia is never a decision any of us makes lightly but it can be the most loving and precious gift we make them because of the emotional cost for us.

This link here is very cheesy but it is also surprisingly effective in soothing and comforting not only kids but also adults. Please give it a try. Rainbow bridge video I made, I hope it can bring some comfort to others

 

[Mrs Tiggy Winkle]

With Custard, I did feel very torn as I think she would have wanted to live more and had done quite well with prior procedures (including draining fluid from her lungs when she first got diagnosed with lymphoma). When she was first diagnosed with lymphoma, she was 3.5 years old ish and had to stay in the ICU for 5 days. All the vets told me to euthanise her but I didn’t and when my current usual exotic vet was rostered on, she diagnosed her and with her amazing skill set managed to drain so much fluid out from her lungs. And then she was absolutely fine and stable for another 2 years 7 months! It was nothing short of a miracle then.

So this decision now to euthanise her, was more a decision I made on her behalf to weigh up odds and prevent further suffering given she’s much older at 6.5 years.

Custard sounds like a miracle guinea! I had a couple of miracle guineas in my time and partly because they were strong in themselves and had a strong will to live and beat vets' prognoses again and again, as well as sometimes needing special care from me, I think I grew even more attached to them than to some of the others. I don't know if it's the same for you.

I agree with other posters upthread and with you yourself too - that you made the decision to euthanise Custard with her well-being in mind, to prevent any further suffering. 6.5 yo is a respectable age for any guinea, for a guinea where the vets suggested she be euthanised at 3.5 yo, well, she was a guinea Methusalem.

I don't have my own guineas any more, but when I did I regularly second-questioned myself on my decisions on euthanising - whether or not, now today or wait a bit, or maybe next week - and then noticing: I wish I'd taken the guinea in question to the vet's yesterday etc etc. I feel for you, it's a hard decision, especially for those of us who question ourselves.

If I may, I'd like to suggest a method to help with this questioning in one's own head. There's a method called EFT, Emotional Freedom Tapping, which my therapist taught me when I got stuck for a while. You take a particular sentence and repeat it to yourself tapping through specific accupressure points on your head, face, hand and upper torso. A sentence for you could be something like: "Even though I feel really bad (guilty?) at having had Custard euthanised, I accept myself fully" (or if you can manage, then: "I love, honour and accept myself fully"). If you google the method, you'll find youtube versions where they show you the correct accupressure points. Some versions start with the top of the head and some with the hand. It's important to start with the "Even though..." and for you also to feel what's the correct sentence for you (do you feel bad, guilty, ashamed? - tap on that.). There are people who suggest you do it for 5 mins, 15 mins, an hour... I often did it 3 times through and was so exhausted afterward, I couldn't continue, so duration is up to you. A short tapping session every day for a few days can be more helpful than 1 hour all at once.
There are also versions online where they vary the sentence in the middle of the exercise. I'd suggest that only if there's a sudden sentence change in your head, because that would be your intuition speaking up.

If this sort of method is totally not your thing, just ignore.

I wish you peace in your heart.

 

[ceciliaxdee]

Custard sounds like a miracle guinea! I had a couple of miracle guineas in my time and partly because they were strong in themselves and had a strong will to live and beat vets' prognoses again and again, as well as sometimes needing special care from me, I think I grew even more attached to them than to some of the others. I don't know if it's the same for you.

I agree with other posters upthread and with you yourself too - that you made the decision to euthanise Custard with her well-being in mind, to prevent any further suffering. 6.5 yo is a respectable age for any guinea, for a guinea where the vets suggested she be euthanised at 3.5 yo, well, she was a guinea Methusalem.

I don't have my own guineas any more, but when I did I regularly second-questioned myself on my decisions on euthanising - whether or not, now today or wait a bit, or maybe next week - and then noticing: I wish I'd taken the guinea in question to the vet's yesterday etc etc. I feel for you, it's a hard decision, especially for those of us who question ourselves.

If I may, I'd like to suggest a method to help with this questioning in one's own head. There's a method called EFT, Emotional Freedom Tapping, which my therapist taught me when I got stuck for a while. You take a particular sentence and repeat it to yourself tapping through specific accupressure points on your head, face, hand and upper torso. A sentence for you could be something like: "Even though I feel really bad (guilty?) at having had Custard euthanised, I accept myself fully" (or if you can manage, then: "I love, honour and accept myself fully"). If you google the method, you'll find youtube versions where they show you the correct accupressure points. Some versions start with the top of the head and some with the hand. It's important to start with the "Even though..." and for you also to feel what's the correct sentence for you (do you feel bad, guilty, ashamed? - tap on that.). There are people who suggest you do it for 5 mins, 15 mins, an hour... I often did it 3 times through and was so exhausted afterward, I couldn't continue, so duration is up to you. A short tapping session every day for a few days can be more helpful than 1 hour all at once.
There are also versions online where they vary the sentence in the middle of the exercise. I'd suggest that only if there's a sudden sentence change in your head, because that would be your intuition speaking up.

If this sort of method is totally not your thing, just ignore.

I wish you peace in your heart.

Thank you so much for your lovely kind words and advice. Yes you hit the nail on the head, I definitely grew more attached to her as she had beat the odds and over and over again, it almost felt like death would be further away as every time I prepared myself for her potential passing, it never arrived. And then when we went through the long stable period, it came out of nowhere and swept me off my feet again. She definitely was a special piggie

 

[ceciliaxdee]

Thank you all for your replies. I watched the piggie rainbow bridge video, very cute. I have been processing the grief more and feeling somewhat better but every time I do think about her, I still get very teary so I think it will just take time.

I am currently keeping a close eye on my solo desexed boy left. I’m not wanting to continue the cycle but he’s looking pretty sad so I’m looking into potentially getting him a foster friend.
I’ve been playing piggie sound videos and bought him a soft toy piggie. He’s started acting a bit out of usual behaviour, like doing intense zoomies the other morning around his cage (he’s nearly 5 so definitely not usual) and lying in his hay stack in the open and staring at me.
Is there anything I should keep an eye out for? I just don’t want him to pine and become depressed/pass also which I have heard is a thing.

 

[Wiebke]

Thank you all for your replies. I watched the piggie rainbow bridge video, very cute. I have been processing the grief more and feeling somewhat better but every time I do think about her, I still get very teary so I think it will just take time.

I am currently keeping a close eye on my solo desexed boy left. I’m not wanting to continue the cycle but he’s looking pretty sad so I’m looking into potentially getting him a foster friend.
I’ve been playing piggie sound videos and bought him a soft toy piggie. He’s started acting a bit out of usual behaviour, like doing intense zoomies the other morning around his cage (he’s nearly 5 so definitely not usual) and lying in his hay stack in the open and staring at me.
Is there anything I should keep an eye out for? I just don’t want him to pine and become depressed/pass also which I have heard is a thing.

I am so glad that the very worst of the immediate grief and your feelings of guilt are easing a bit now.

The tearing up will continue und it can mug in you in a dark memory lane for a long time to come although the intervals should gradually lengthen. It's the random little things that trigger it that you cannot brace for (and therefore can really get you) as well as any anniversaries. The first year and all the firsts are usually the most difficult. You are always welcome to come back here whenever you find yourself struggling again because we understand.

Here is our singles piggies guide. It looks at singles piggies in different situations and also contains a chapter about how to spot when a single piggy transfers their social needs on you.
Single Guinea Pigs - Challenges and Responsibilities
Here are enrichment ideas that look at lots of different areas, from sensual stimulation to interaction: Enrichment Ideas for Guinea Pigs

I am glad that you have found the video comforting in acute attack of the blues. It makes you smile.

 

[ceciliaxdee]

Thank you, it helped to share my grief with others here that understand. I am doing much better but I do need to compartmentalise the thoughts of Custard as I do get teary when I think of her still and it still feels fresh. The feelings of guilt have settled and I can see more clearly that I did make the right decision for her given the circumstances.
Really appreciate everyone’s kind words and support and guidance!

 

[Wiebke]

Thank you, it helped to share my grief with others here that understand. I am doing much better but I do need to compartmentalise the thoughts of Custard as I do get teary when I think of her still and it still feels fresh. The feelings of guilt have settled and I can see more clearly that I did make the right decision for her given the circumstances.
Really appreciate everyone’s kind words and support and guidance!

I am glad that you are feeling better and are no longer caught in the awful guilt loop.

The sadness is going to come and go at random, and occasionally can really catch you out. We continue to be here for you; even more so for any anniversaries or those moments when you cannot brace for it and it is all rushing back.