We lost our 3.5-year-old girl, Tomie, suddenly on the morning of Halloween. She was being treated for hyperthyroidism since July, we were working on getting her methimazole dosing balanced. In the month before she died, we finally hit a balance where she was maintaining and even gaining some weight. About a week before her death, I noticed she was breathing heavily, with abdominal muscles involved. We got her in for an emergency appointment first thing the next morning. She was given antibiotics for suspected pneumonia. I was sleeping on the couch to keep an eye on her overnight. Within 24 hours, her breathing was much less labored. She looked good. We were optimistic. The antibiotics put her off her food, which she really couldn't afford because of her hyperthyroidism, so we started giving her Critical Care by syringe, which she honestly ate pretty well and was quite good about. On Halloween morning, my husband and one of my kids saw her between 7:30 and 8 a.m. She was on her feet, walking around, looking normal. Husband went to work and kiddo went back upstairs. I came down around 10 or 10:30 and she was collapsed in the hay, I picked her up and she was clearly out of it and in the process of dying, we rushed her to the vet but she passed in the car in my daughter's arms. It was a shock... I realize that she had underlying health issues that we may not have fully understood the extent of (i.e. I know there's a wide differential for hyperthyroid, including cancers, and that we were treating the symptoms without really knowing the cause.) I know that being underweight and having her metabolism running out of control while we did testing and tried to get the medication straight could have caused more underlying organ damage. I know that pneumonia can be fatal even without the underlying issues. But she REALLY looked like she was beating it. Clearly something abrupt happened to go from seemingly fine to dying in a matter of hours... I'm thinking her heart just couldn't take the strain.
I don't blame myself, I know I did everything I possibly could do to manage her health situation over the past six or eight months of testing for her thyroid, and I know I got her to the vet as soon as possible when she started having respiratory symptoms, I know I did everything 'right' and sometimes the outcome is still not positive. But I just feel sad. I've had small pets since I was a kid (mostly various rodents) and as a result, you see a lot of loss. We actually lost our really senior hamster the same week as Tomie. But I've gotten very good at accepting the loss of pets who have lived a normal lifespan for their species. Living to old age feels like a win. I know they can't live forever. But dying in middle-age at 3.5 years doesn't feel like a win. I know that Tomie didn't know how long she was 'supposed' to live, I know that we gave her a great life for those 3.5 years. But it still feels 'wrong' that she's not here. She should be here. I was ready to lose her at 5 or 6, I wasn't ready to lose her now.
We did add a new pig for Misa... her name is Dahlia and she's very sweet. But I sometimes look at her and think, "You aren't supposed to be here yet." And it's harder for me to have that bond with her. I know it will come in time, I know this is just my pattern when a pet dies in a way that feels before their time. Years ago, we lost one of our pigs at about 1.5 years from a severe dental infection that turned to sepsis, and I felt the same way about the pig that followed her for awhile. And then I came to love her a ton. I know it just takes time and it was such a shock that I don't even think I started processing it for the first week or two. I know it'll feel better, but right now I just feel sorrow and like it's not fair. I really wanted to manage her issues and see her through to old age and when she finally went it would have felt like a win to get her that far. I'm just so sad that I couldn't give that to her. She deserved to grow old, she was a sweet sassy girl and I guess I just wish she was still here.
I don't blame myself, I know I did everything I possibly could do to manage her health situation over the past six or eight months of testing for her thyroid, and I know I got her to the vet as soon as possible when she started having respiratory symptoms, I know I did everything 'right' and sometimes the outcome is still not positive. But I just feel sad. I've had small pets since I was a kid (mostly various rodents) and as a result, you see a lot of loss. We actually lost our really senior hamster the same week as Tomie. But I've gotten very good at accepting the loss of pets who have lived a normal lifespan for their species. Living to old age feels like a win. I know they can't live forever. But dying in middle-age at 3.5 years doesn't feel like a win. I know that Tomie didn't know how long she was 'supposed' to live, I know that we gave her a great life for those 3.5 years. But it still feels 'wrong' that she's not here. She should be here. I was ready to lose her at 5 or 6, I wasn't ready to lose her now.
We did add a new pig for Misa... her name is Dahlia and she's very sweet. But I sometimes look at her and think, "You aren't supposed to be here yet." And it's harder for me to have that bond with her. I know it will come in time, I know this is just my pattern when a pet dies in a way that feels before their time. Years ago, we lost one of our pigs at about 1.5 years from a severe dental infection that turned to sepsis, and I felt the same way about the pig that followed her for awhile. And then I came to love her a ton. I know it just takes time and it was such a shock that I don't even think I started processing it for the first week or two. I know it'll feel better, but right now I just feel sorrow and like it's not fair. I really wanted to manage her issues and see her through to old age and when she finally went it would have felt like a win to get her that far. I'm just so sad that I couldn't give that to her. She deserved to grow old, she was a sweet sassy girl and I guess I just wish she was still here.
