struggling with unexpected loss

[mads24]

hi everyone,

i recently lost a baby piggie i just adopted a week ago and i cant help but feel so guilty and so shocked by her passing. i have a senior piggie (Mochi, 6yrs) that i love to death. i’m a very anxious pet owner and am always able to catch when they’re under the weather. this time with baby Tutu i honestly barely noticed anything and had been meaning to get her scheduled for a vet visit as soon as i adopted her. i didn’t expect to only have her for a week . i feel so much regret and guilt that maybe if i was able to get her seen sooner she’d still be here.

just this past saturday 5/23 i woke up and noticed her breathing harder and knew that wasn’t a good sign. she was still eating and drinking and was very active, but i knew i had to act fast. just the previous day she was doing just fine, no hard breathing or anything. with it being memorial weekend none of the exotic vets were open around me, and the places i called said they weren’t specialized in guinea pigs. so i immediately drove her out 2hrs from my place to get her seen by a small animal/exotic vet. they took her in and placed her in an oxygen box and agreed with me that she had some sort of URI and gave me a couple of options treatment wise. either i could bring her home with antibiotics or i could leave her overnight so they could keep a close eye on her. i decided to leave her since babies are so fragile and if she needed care in the middle of the night they could get to her asap. afterwards, i went back to say goodbye to her and said i’d be back to get her. the doctor mentions to me that ill hear back in the morning sometime, but if i get a call at night it’s not usually good news. i’m back home and i can’t sleep and i get a call at 4am that Tutu suddenly started gasping for air and the team was performing CPR and wanted to know if id like them to continue. I'm in shock and tell them to keep trying. the team member hangs up and calls me again 5-10mins later and says that her heartbeat is very faint and she has stopped breathing. she said i could let them continue CPR or let Tutu go. i ultimately decided to let her go and didn’t want her to suffer anymore.

this is the first time i lost a pet and I'm a wreck. it’s crazy how much you can bond with a little piggie in over a week. i have so much love for her and didn’t think she’d affect me this much with her unexpected passing.

any words of encouragement or ways to cope with loss and lost time would be helpful. i just wish she was able to live a full life and wish i had more time with her. its so unfair, everything was cut short and for the past day or so i feel like I'm still in shock and complete sadness. i can’t go through my day without tearing up or breaking down. any words will help during this time, thank you.

 

[Truffolo]

Such a sad loss. Just as you were settling in the new baby something terrible happens. You did well to pick up that poor little Tutu wasn't well. Young piggies can be fragile as their immune systems are still developing. Instead of the happiness of a complete family you had sorrow. You cared for Tutu so well. I hope you can find peace of mind. Sleep softly little Tutu

 

[LucyP]

I'm so sorry to read this. You clearly went above and beyond and did everything you could, and the vets did too. She sounded very fragile bless her, I think sometimes genetics must play a big part in this? What a terrible shock for you and how sad. They are such delicate creatures and it's truly heartbreaking, but it sounds as though maybe her little body just wasn't quite strong enough for this world.

A week will never feel enough time, but at least she got to be with you and enjoy your love, it sounds like she honestly couldn't have been with a more caring owner. Be gentle as you grieve and hard as it is, try not to confuse grief with guilt or regret. You did everything right and you are a good piggy owner.

 

[Wiebke]

BIG

hi everyone,

i recently lost a baby piggie i just adopted a week ago and i cant help but feel so guilty and so shocked by her passing. i have a senior piggie (Mochi, 6yrs) that i love to death. i’m a very anxious pet owner and am always able to catch when they’re under the weather. this time with baby Tutu i honestly barely noticed anything and had been meaning to get her scheduled for a vet visit as soon as i adopted her. i didn’t expect to only have her for a week . i feel so much regret and guilt that maybe if i was able to get her seen sooner she’d still be here.

just this past saturday 5/23 i woke up and noticed her breathing harder and knew that wasn’t a good sign. she was still eating and drinking and was very active, but i knew i had to act fast. just the previous day she was doing just fine, no hard breathing or anything. with it being memorial weekend none of the exotic vets were open around me, and the places i called said they weren’t specialized in guinea pigs. so i immediately drove her out 2hrs from my place to get her seen by a small animal/exotic vet. they took her in and placed her in an oxygen box and agreed with me that she had some sort of URI and gave me a couple of options treatment wise. either i could bring her home with antibiotics or i could leave her overnight so they could keep a close eye on her. i decided to leave her since babies are so fragile and if she needed care in the middle of the night they could get to her asap. afterwards, i went back to say goodbye to her and said i’d be back to get her. the doctor mentions to me that ill hear back in the morning sometime, but if i get a call at night it’s not usually good news. i’m back home and i can’t sleep and i get a call at 4am that Tutu suddenly started gasping for air and the team was performing CPR and wanted to know if id like them to continue. I'm in shock and tell them to keep trying. the team member hangs up and calls me again 5-10mins later and says that her heartbeat is very faint and she has stopped breathing. she said i could let them continue CPR or let Tutu go. i ultimately decided to let her go and didn’t want her to suffer anymore.

this is the first time i lost a pet and I'm a wreck. it’s crazy how much you can bond with a little piggie in over a week. i have so much love for her and didn’t think she’d affect me this much with her unexpected passing.

any words of encouragement or ways to cope with loss and lost time would be helpful. i just wish she was able to live a full life and wish i had more time with her. its so unfair, everything was cut short and for the past day or so i feel like I'm still in shock and complete sadness. i can’t go through my day without tearing up or breaking down. any words will help during this time, thank you.

Hi and welcome

BIG HUGS

What horrible shock for you! I am so, so sorry that little Tutu didn't even get the time to settle in properly and start thriving.

It could have been likely one of two things - one of the respiratory bugs your baby may have likely arrived with as respiratory bugs seem to be sadly rampant in US chain shops where they have an ideal breeding ground in getting passed around by stressed youngsters with not yet fully developed immune systems in close contact that at that age can sadly can hit and kill within hours.

Alternatively, it could have been congenital heart failure - again something your baby arrived carrying the fuse which was lit by the added stress of moving to a new place yet again when the still developing immune system temporarily dipped; even though it was a wonderful place and just waiting to become a home.

Nothing more you could have done and nothing you could have changed in the outcome because medication needs time to work, which there wasn't. Just sheer random bad luck. Life is sadly not fair, and you have come up against one of the most heartbreaking ways: the destruction of so much potential before it could even start to develop.

Please try and take comfort that you have nevertheless made this little life count, that you have shown Tutu that there is love and care, and not just commercial profit - even if it was just for a few days. Never underestimate the power and the preciousness of your gift. Tutu is not just going to disappear into the mass of nameless and unknown deaths. Her life, however short, matters and by remembering her you can keep that tiny flame alive.

You are welcome to post a tribute to her in our Rainbow Bridge section if you feel that this would help you to keep Tutu's memory alive.
Rainbow Bridge Pets

You could also create or wear a tangible reminder of her in your home or as a piece of jewellery or as a tattoo, if that is your inclination, so she is going remain close to your heart. I hope that this is going to help bring you peace of mind.
You can also get a bag of larger seeds like nasturtium and plant one in a pot of soil whenever her loss feels overwhelming or get a bowl and a bag or two of marbles and place a marble in the bowl instead. There are of course other ways and you may have one that feels right for you.
More ideas of how you can express your feelings and help to process them in a way that speaks to you: Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

Please give yourself some time and space to not be OK for a little while while you try and digest this very traumatising shock. You are too caring and too loving to just walk away, even more so when Tutu's loss has come hard on the heels of another one. But try to be proactive in expressing your thoughts and emotions.
You may able to access more pet bereavement support in the US via this link Grieving the Loss of a Companion Animal | PETA

 

[Merab]

So very sorry to read of your sad loss.
Holding you in my heart
Hugs

 

[mads24]

thank you everyone for your kind words! i definitely feel more at peace. Tutu will be remembered forever, her presence, although short, gave me so much joy. if the outcome had been the same i’d still choose to do it all over again. i still have so much love for her and will forever

 

[Wiebke]

thank you everyone for your kind words! i definitely feel more at peace. Tutu will be remembered forever, her presence, although short, gave me so much joy. if the outcome had been the same i’d still choose to do it all over again. i still have so much love for her and will forever

What a little cutie!

Glad that we have been able to settle your guilt a bit. It's a horrible but entirely misplaced feeling that we have to learn to recognise and then work through every time because of our own human hang-ups. It's not got anything to do with what has happened, only as an indicator of how much we care.

My trick is to work through it by looking at it as if I was another forum member, as to whether I really have made a major mistake or was in control of all circumstances.
If I would tell others that they have done what they reasonably could under less than ideal circumstances - because we are dealing with life and not a dream world and should never hold ourselves up against perfection because that is unattainable -, then I know that I am dealing with the trap in my own brain and not with any real mistakes for which I have to pay in terms of regrets and the determination to learn and use that to help other piggies down the line...

It's the intolerance towards ourselves where we are holding ourselves up against unachievable standards and are unable to accept and forgive what we would in others that is at the bottom of much of our anxiety and mental anguish. Learning to forgive ourselves and be kind with ourselves is one of the most difficult lessons in life - and in this time when our world is less than perfect and increasingly dominated by intolerance to others as well sadly one of the most needed.
The next step is then to use anything we have learned from it constructively to help future pets. We can never pay back but we can pay forward and help to make the future a better world in the little things. A few ten thousands of piggies down the line for me, I can tell you that you will always regret what has happened, but you can make peace with it and you can work past the trauma at the end to rediscover the wonderful pigsonality you have been blessed to share your life with, however long or short in your happier memories to do them justice.