The guilt of grieving

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Bell12

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I'm struggling with the guilt of grieving. I remember this when lost my first piggie last year but even worse this time.
My beautiful hilarious boy Ollie had to be pts last night and although I know it was the right thing to do and no choice as his death was imminent and by time got to vet his heart rate so slow but I couldn't let him suffer and already felt guilt of leaving it one more day. He wasn't showing signs of suffering but hadn't eaten for too long and refused water.
It meant the children and I got to say goodbye and I know he felt loved and wasn't alone but I'm now feeling guilt for not taking him to the vet as soon as I thought something may be wrong.
I thought he would be fine and then he rapidly deteriorated from being fine to having died within a few days.
I thought red on newspaper was wee from strawberries but now wonder if blood. He next day stopped eating and pooing although didn't seem in distress at all. I fed him water through syringe once he stopped coming out of his cosy bed.
My husband says there's nothing I could've done to change the outcome, it was his time, but I can't help this guilt. Hurts so bad.
I gave him so much love, care, attention, cuddles and adored him and so it's hard to feel I let him down. Feel I let kids down too especially my daughter who was fantastic with him.
What if he could've been cured?
Thanks for listening x
 
:hug:
Firstly be very kind to yourself while you grieve.
Loss is difficult for everyone and it is almost impossible not to think of the 'what if's'.
But it is very clear from your post that your boy was deeply loved and well cared for and that is all a guinea pig wants in this life.
You took him to vet and didn't allow him to linger and were able to comfort him right up until the end.

You have set a wonderful example of compassion and responsibility for your children, by showing them that sometimes the kindest thing to do is allow a life to end peacefully.

Guinea pigs hide illness well, and sometimes by the time we notice something is wrong it is already too late.
Please feel free to post a tribute in our Rainbow Bridge section when you are ready.
I am sorry for your loss.

Human Bereavement: Grieving, Coping and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children
 
Hey, we have all been were you are now. Guilt is the unreasonable part of grief and in some ways the most difficult and cruel emotion we face when grieving, we search for answers and try to think how we could have changed situations, our mind is tryign to make sense of what happens and we naturally apportion unwarranted blame onto ourselves.
Guinea Pigs are tricky little creatures with any illness, with prey instincts they hide illness and serious illness so well, it rarely gives us any chance to react to anything major. So please don't torture yourself. It is plain to see how loved and cherished Ollie was, and that is all any of us can want for in life, and when he needed you the most you were there for him to help ease his pain across the bridge, PTS is the final act of love we make for our pets. You did not fail him, you loved him.
Loss hurts so much because of love, they are the flip sides of the same coin. I am sorry, this feeling will ease with time, be gentle to yourself.

Hugs x
 
Grief is such a hard emotion to cope with. Part of trying to make sense of it all is to blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. Guinea pigs live for today and you gave him lots of happy todays and that is all a guinea pig needs and wants. As soon as you realised how ill he was you gave him your final act of love and helped him over the Rainbow Bridge. He is out of suffering now and is making new friends and popcorning away with all his favourite food. Someone once told me that the more you grieve the more you have loved and that grief is love with nowhere to go. :hug:
 
Thank you for your kind, compassionate and thoughtful messages. Its really helping me and a comfort.
As these feelings of guilt come and go, I will come back to your words to remind me that despite anything I think of that I could/should have done, only now with the power of hindsight, I absolutely was a great guinea pig mummy who gave lots of love and care and that the reason I'm grieving so much is because I loved so much. Thank you for reminding me of that.
Thanks again xx
 
I hope one day soon you will be able to look back and smile at the good times, with the knowledge you gave Ollie a loving home. You did all that you could and should have done for him. Sending you hugs and my very best wishes.
 
We have almost all of us been where you are now and fully understand the toll it takes on our human emotions. You have been called on to make the toughest decision out of love for your piggy and it’s natural to ask “what if...”. Go gently on yourself. You are grieving. It’s a tough call having to make that trip to the vets. Don’t underestimate the hole in your heart these little guys leave behind when they leave.
 
So sorry you lost your boy, I know how awfully sad you are feeling right now. You did everything you could have done and Ollie will have known the love you had for him, treasure your memories when things are less painful x
Sleep tight little man 🌈
 
So very sorry that you had to make that tough decision but it is a decision made out of love.
Grief is hard and painful.
Guilt is a normal part of the grieving process as we work through the ‘what ifs’.
We are here to support you as you grieve.
Be gentle with yourself.
 
Merab's Slave said:
So very sorry that you had to make that tough decision but it is a decision made out of love.
Grief is hard and painful.
Guilt is a normal part of the grieving process as we work through the ‘what ifs’.
We are here to support you as you grieve.
Be gentle with yourself.
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Thank you so much, that's really kind x
 
Bill & Ted said:
So sorry you lost your boy, I know how awfully sad you are feeling right now. You did everything you could have done and Ollie will have known the love you had for him, treasure your memories when things are less painful x
Sleep tight little man 🌈
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Thank you, that means a lot x
 
We had rain showers today. I haven't seen a rainbow in so long but just as I drove down the road of my daughters school to pick her up this afternoon I saw the biggest brightest rainbow I've ever seen directly above her school.
My daughter cried when I told her but we were both really comforted by it too x
 
sport_billy said:
Hey, we have all been were you are now. Guilt is the unreasonable part of grief and in some ways the most difficult and cruel emotion we face when grieving, we search for answers and try to think how we could have changed situations, our mind is tryign to make sense of what happens and we naturally apportion unwarranted blame onto ourselves.
Guinea Pigs are tricky little creatures with any illness, with prey instincts they hide illness and serious illness so well, it rarely gives us any chance to react to anything major. So please don't torture yourself. It is plain to see how loved and cherished Ollie was, and that is all any of us can want for in life, and when he needed you the most you were there for him to help ease his pain across the bridge, PTS is the final act of love we make for our pets. You did not fail him, you loved him.
Loss hurts so much because of love, they are the flip sides of the same coin. I am sorry, this feeling will ease with time, be gentle to yourself.

Hugs x
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Reading this again is helping me as the guilt coming up again. Thank you x
 
Merab's Slave said:
The nature of grief is that it comes in waves.
As @sport_billy said, remember the love, the pain fades in time.
Grief cannot be rushed.
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:Hugs
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Thank you. In between the sadness I've been able to talk more about the love and his funny little ways with my daughter (15) this afternoon which was lovely. It comforted her after she had been upset bless her x
 
piggieminder said:
I hope one day soon you will be able to look back and smile at the good times, with the knowledge you gave Ollie a loving home. You did all that you could and should have done for him. Sending you hugs and my very best wishes.
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Thank you so much x
 
The fact your grieving shows how much you loved ollie and how much you still do. I'm sure you did the very best you could. And that final act of love which was hard for you.

Ollie was lucky to have you has his human. Be kind to yourself, give yourself space to breath. But please dont blame yourself.
 
dan3008 said:
The fact your grieving shows how much you loved ollie and how much you still do. I'm sure you did the very best you could. And that final act of love which was hard for you.

Ollie was lucky to have you has his human. Be kind to yourself, give yourself space to breath. But please dont blame yourself.
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Thanks so much x
 
I just wanted to thank everyone for the kind and compassionate support last week when my grief was so raw and all consuming.
I miss my Ollie boo so very much, but I'm at a place where I can start to think of all the wonderful memories without sobbing and know that we gave him a lovely life full of love and care.
I wouldn't have gotten through this past week in the way I have managed without all your comments and support and I'm deeply grateful.
best wishes
Claire x
 
I am so glad Ollie had such a wonderful family, he was so loved. We always want to blame ourselves because it's so difficult to come to terms with what happened. Guinea pigs can be so delicate, things like this just happen sometimes. And it is not your fault. Keep Ollie safely tucked away in your heart, there he will always be.

Enjoy the Bridge and sleep tight, little gentleman 🌈
 
Bell12 said:
I just wanted to thank everyone for the kind and compassionate support last week when my grief was so raw and all consuming.
I miss my Ollie boo so very much, but I'm at a place where I can start to think of all the wonderful memories without sobbing and know that we gave him a lovely life full of love and care.
I wouldn't have gotten through this past week in the way I have managed without all your comments and support and I'm deeply grateful.
best wishes
Claire x
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The Forum is always here to lend a listening and compassionate ear when times are tough - we've all been there. We are also here to have fun. So when you're feeling up to it have a rootle around and see what you can find.
 
Glad the rawness is easing for you.
Please remember that grief will still hit you in waves for a while.
This is perfectly normal and we will be hear to support you, just as so many of us have been supported.
 
Merab's Slave said:
Glad the rawness is easing for you.
Please remember that grief will still hit you in waves for a while.
This is perfectly normal and we will be hear to support you, just as so many of us have been supported.
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Thank you so much x
 
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