The Mystery Cage by Ruby

Swissgreys

Swissgreys

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Last night was a very strange evening in our home.
The big slave (the boring one) was clattering around for ages, which was very inconvenient as she chose the exact time that I was planning to clatter around and draw attention to myself.
She really is very inconsiderate.

After much clattering she called the little slave (my favourite) downstairs to look at a new cage.
I know what this means - the big slave is planning to get a new pet, and based on the size of the cage that pet is a hamster.
The little slave seemed concerned and said things like ‘it’s far too small’.
The big slave used her cheery, no nonsense voice to reassure the little slave, which was a bit worrying.
When the big slave uses her cheery no nonsense voice and says things like ‘it will be fine’ I usually end up having my nails clipped or visiting the vet.
But I tried not to worry, as this time there was no way they could be talking about me in relation to the new cage - did I mention it was tiny.

So then I wheeked and clattered around my own suitably large cage, and the little slave came over and fed me treats.
She kept saying things like ‘don’t worry Ruby, you will be fine’ which was strange as I was perfectly fine, and stuffing my face with green pepper (the only colour pepper I will eat this week).

Apparently we need the cage for Friday, so I will let you all know tomorrow which poor animal ends up jammed into the world’s smallest cage (although it would probably be ok for a very small hamster).

Love Ruby xx

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Hello Ruby,

Percy and Pepper here. We are very intrigued as to who is moving in. Keep us posted. We don’t like it either when our slave says “it’s ok” in a cheery voice. It means it’s NOT ok! Vets, nail clipping, mite treatments usually follow. 🤨

Good luck. Keep your eyes peeled. You are No 1 it that household. Don’t let them forget it. ❤️
 
Dear Ruby,

This sounds very worrying to us.
We hope it doesn't mean that you are going to tortured by being forced into a hamster cage.
Maybe there's going to be a new baby guinea pig coming to live with you.
We are looking forward to hearing what happens next.

Love from Priscilla, Phoebe and Micah
 
Hi Ruby,

We say don't let your guard down, it all seems highly suspicious to us! One time our slaves brought a big carboard box into our room and let a hedgehog spend the night in there! We never got a good look at this beast, but it didn't smell right to us. You need to remember that slaves are unpredictable and could need a good nip at any time to remind them who is boss. Stay vigilant!

Love from Trudy and Hazelnut
 
Dear Ruby,
Irrespective of the size of that cage - take a good look at what’s inside it. Is any of that furniture and fittings in there yours?
Please don’t lose any sleep over it. Just pity whoever appears inside it tomorrow….
 
Oh Ruby, keep.us and the GPU informed, you know they will be ready to step in, whatever part of the world you're in. Guinea Pigs of the world unite 👊✌️Those slaves need careful watching, they don't wheek our language and are not to be trusted! Thinking of you love Basil and Pedro, (purrrrr rumblestrut)
 
Hey Ruby... stay away from those hamsters, once I tried to make friends with one of the ones in my house and I got nipped on the nose! It made me very sad, but on the bright side the humans now make sure to keep those aggressive monsters far away from us!

Sincerely, Leela. Still sad about that nose nip. I was just being curious!
 
Dear Fellow Forum Piggies and members of the GPU,

I am afraid I have very, very bad news.
The tiny hamster cage was for ME!

IMG_8402.webp

Can you even imagine a piggy of my status and social standing being forced to live forever in such sub standard accommodation?
I was not happy at all, and made my feelings abundantly clear.
I was crashing around the cage and biting the bars and glaring at the big slave for all I was worth.
The big slave tried to distract me with a pile of my favourite and very special hay, and whilst I may have eaten the hay, I ate it in a cross way and certainly did not feel happy or grateful to have such a wonderful treat.

Thankfully after being trapped in my piggy prison for absolute days and days (even though the boring big slave said it was only a few hours), she finally saw sense and put me back into my normal, appropriately sized cage.
It has been a very long and gruelling few days (or possibly hours) my piggy friends.

Of course the big slave was full of all sorts of ridiculous excuses for her rude and disrespectful behaviour.
Some silly story about having all the shutters replaced on the front and side of the house, and the windows being open for several hours, meaning the Ruby Room (previously known as the living room) was too cold and noisy for me.
So not only was I squeezed into a tiny cage, I was also moved to another room at the back of the house which is not as lovely as the Ruby Room at all.
Honestly I think she did it just to stop me wheeking at the workmen, so they would tell the big slave I was starving and she needs to give me more treats.
I was totally ignored by everyone for the entire morning.
It will be days before I get over this terrible trauma, and the big slave is in for a very firm nip next time the chance arises.

Thank you all for your kind and supportive messages during this traumatic time.
Love Ruby xx

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Oh Ruby, poor you, the bare faced cheek of it! Moving you to another inferior room in a small cage like that, the upheaval must have been torture. Can’t these workmen work quietly around you, have they no manners leaving the windows open for all that alpine air to flood in in winter, that’s really not on is it. Make sure you give that “Big Slave” a good old bite next time she tries it on and don’t succumb to any amounts of treat, mark her card!

Love
Ginger, Posh, Kiki and Hector
 
Oh Ruby

This sounds absolutely terrible how dare big slave put you through all this!

I’m sure little slave will give you lots of extra snacks for the trauma you have been through!
 
Oh Ruby, what an absolute outrage. Were the shutters for your benefit? If not, I’d definitely think a few nips are in order. How dare they think that any self respecting guinea pig could be treated so shabbily?
 
Dear Ruby,

We can just see the trauma in your face there, you poor starved, squashed-in-a-tiny-cage piggy! Honestly, these humans, how could they remove you from the Ruby Room and the style to which you are accustomed for SOOOO LOOOONG? We're guessing the small slave must have been sent off to school because we're sure she would never have gone along with this plot. Make sure the nips only go to the big slave - she is clearly the culprit here!

Wheeks of supportive outrage from
Trudy and Hazelnut
 
Dear Ruby

I have read of your plight and I have draughted a letter to the GPU for you and you will find it below. I have forgone the usual poops and pawprints as this is clearly an outrageous betrayal of trust that needs to be sorted immediately.

Yours wheekily

Betsy



Dear GPU

It has been brought to my attention that one of our overseas members, Ruby, has had a very traumatic experience. She was put in a hamster cage (outrageous) and put in another room which was very small and not up to the usual standard of her magnificent Ruby Room. The big slave did this to her. She says that she was in there for days and days while workmen put new shutters on the house. Frankly, Ruby doesn't believe her as the Ruby Room looks exactly the same as it did before. She will take a long time to get over this terrible treatment. Even her favourite slave abandoned her "to go to school". Ruby thinks that a good bite will teach the big slave not to treat her like this ever again.

Many wheeks of outrage for Ruby

The Ever Beautiful Betsy (Shop Steward)
 
Dear Ruby,

How awful! We are hoping that you get your lovely Ruby room back and never have to go into the awful hamster cage again. Our big human was also very rude to us today. She put us together in a cuddle sack and then into a carrier. We were bumped around in the car; her driving was awful! We don't believe her that there was construction and lots of pot holes in the road. Then we arrived at the vet! We had to be examined and the worst part was getting our temperature taken. Do you know where that thermometer goes?!?!?!? That area is strictly for poos!

Hopefully things improve for you!
Wheekly yours,
Cocoa and Oreo
 
Dearest Ruby,

Please accept our heartfelt sadness at your treatment today.

A tiny cage, a different room. Don’t these slaves know that we’re a delicate species which needs respect at ALL times. We are both disgusted at your treatment today. We are very pleased to see that the Ever Beautiful Betsy is on the case and has already sent a letter to the GPU.

We are sure that you will find an appropriate way to educate your slave for her misdemeanours (🦈).

ps at least there was no killer hamster and you didn’t get bitten.

Love Percy and Pepper
 
Dear Ruby:

We are so, so sorry for all you have been through! Please feel free to shun those humans until you feel they have learned their lesson!

At least no hamster will be around to nip your nose though!

Sincerely, Leela (still mad about that hamster nip) and Tomie
 
Dear Ruby, we feel for you.
What a traumatic day you have had.
We are very happy to offer special piggy counselling if you need it to help you recover.
We are very happy to see the Ever Beautiful Betsy has already written to the GPU.
We would be happy to offer the poops 💩 she has so kindly let you off paying.
Love from Priscilla, Phoebe and Micah
 
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