Pawz
Adult Guinea Pig
- Joined
- May 16, 2016
- Messages
- 4,239
- Reaction score
- 5,460
- Points
- 1,425
You passed over a long time ago yet it has taken me this long to understand our time together. I still cry for you if I think over the details of your final moments but I am proud to have been a part of your life, you were such a gift and your paw print forever remains stamped on my heart.
You were officially a “senior” when our eyes first met through the glass of the animal home you had been left at. You were shaven and tatty looking but there was something in those huge sky blue orbs of yours that had me transfixed. I had not even gone looking for a cat that day, it had been a fund raising Saturday and I’d decided to look around after the event.
Nobody looked at you, everyone passed by and although you came up to the glass when I had walked over, I noticed you didn’t do it for anyone else when I moved along. I walked back towards you and you greeted me again and again, your beautiful eyes looking at me and only me all the while.
I reserved you on my way out, I was told I had until Monday to come and get you else the reservation would be cancelled. I didn’t even have permission for a cat where I was living at the time but I had the whole weekend to get around that obstacle, you were coming home with me..of that I was absolutely certain! Long story short after an entire weekend of pleading and bothering I managed to get the permission I so badly needed in order to be able to collect you on the Monday. I felt so relieved, I would have been devastated to have let you down even in those early days.
Monday rolled around and I headed off to get you, I didn’t mind that transport was a problem that day and I had to walk for over an hour to get you and then an hour back to the nearest bus with you almost breaking my arms! I don’t think anything could have wiped that smile off my face.
We arrived home and you tentatively took your first steps into your new environment. You made a huge effort to stay near me and followed me around, something you would continue to do for the rest of your life. You also purred incessantly, you only ever stopped when in a deep sleep. Honestly I thought there were moments when I wondered if some sort of breathing issue was causing it but the vets checked you over and announced that you were just a very happy boy. I didn’t realize it at the time but it was just your way of saying thank you for every extra day you had. You were scheduled to be put to sleep if I had failed to collect you that Monday, you had been at the shelter a long time and no one had ever shown an interest, I found this out as I was signing your paperwork that fateful day.
Over time your fur grew back and the “ugly cat” no one understood why anyone would want blossomed into a beautiful ball of fluffy long fur. Everyone who saw you commented on how handsome you were and few would believe me that it was the same sorry looking creature that I’d been so passionate about taking home. You had always been beautiful to me, even when we first met, I knew the kindness of your little soul hidden within the depths of those enchanting eyes.
We shared such a strong bond, you always knew when I was coming home even if I was dropped off by a taxi at an odd hour you’d come racing out to meet me without fail. If I came home in my car you’d leap in my lap the second I opened my door and shove your head in my face. When I was sad you’d be there rubbing your little head on my cheek and drying my tears, when I was happy you were always the first I would cuddle and share the news with. And of course in all this time...you...never...stopped...purring.
Of course there are certain downsides to being so close, when you fell ill I noticed IMMEDIATELY that you were not quite right even if you tried to hide it. The prognosis wasn’t good and although you lived for years following the diagnosis I knew that eventually we would loose that fight. You soldiered on through the medication and continued your happy life pain free until one fateful day. On that day you never came to greet me when I arrived home and instantly I felt a sense of dread. As I entered the house there was still no sign of you, I called your name...nothing...no jingle of a bell, no thundering of paws to greet me. I put down my things and began to climb the stairs to look for you, as my head reached the height of the floor above there you were huddled in a corner. I looked at you and spoke your name softly, questioningly. You looked back at me with such a sadness that I knew in that instant you were dying, you struggled over to me in the dim evening light (I’d been so concerned with looking for you I had not even flipped a light switch). I scooped you up gently and we sped off in the car to the emergency vets. I don’t even remember calling them and I can’t even remember if I placed you in your carrier, I don’t even recall the drive there.
The vet took some blood and you had to stay there for the night on a heat pad, I cried and begged you to be ok as I had to leave and you rubbed you face into my tears and purred. It was the beginning of the end, we both knew it but neither of us wanted to accept it. The blood results came back and the vets did everything they could to make you better. You’d had the odd lapse over the years but nothing like this one. After 3 days of you being there the vet called to say you seemed to be doing better, you were purring away, walking around, eating and just seemed better in yourself. He asked if he could run the tests again and I agreed, they came back even worse than before...he was shocked you were even still alive never mind that you were swanning around pretending to be as happy as a clam. With those test results came a choice, I could wait things out even though he felt you’d die within the next 24-48hours regardless of your acting skills, or I could ease your suffering and help you to go. It was such a hard choice to speak aloud, of course I knew what had to be done for you but I knew the massive void you would leave behind when you left.
I drove to the vets during my lunch to tell the vet and you my decision. But I could not do it right at that moment, I just wasn’t ready to let go and also the vet did not want to rush through it between appointments. I promised to come back in the evening after hours and begged you to wait for me, that I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet and that I was coming back. I did come back although later than agreed because fate decided to throw me in a traffic block and I was almost in pieces by the time I arrived worrying I’d be too late, that the vet would not wait or that you would have already passed.
I got there and the relief I felt to find you were still alive almost made me forget for a second why I was there. I apologized to you for being late and if I had caused you any extra pain in waiting for me. You of course just purred at me as if I was being silly. I still wasn’t ready to say goodbye but as I carried you from the holding rooms to the vets room I explained to you that I had to do this for you, that if I could I would do ANYTHING to save you, I didn’t care what it would cost but sadly there was nothing left that could be done. All I could do to help you now was to take your pain away, the pain you so skillfully pretended not to have. You must have felt so ill but you denied it so well. You died in my arms as the vet administered the injection into your drip line , you purred the whole time as I told you I loved you and that I was sorry I could not save you. I knew you were gone when the purring suddenly stopped, and then I just sobbed into your fur for what felt like the longest time, not wanting to let you go knowing that I would never hold you again.
The vet and his staff assistant were also in tears and I will be forever thankful to them for not rushing me despite it eating into their out of hours time.
Loosing you was hard, even writing that took a lot of pauses to regain composure. But when I look back at your life now I realize that every little purr was a “thank you”, “thank you for stroking me, thank you for saving my life that day at the shelter, thank you for brushing me, feeding me, spoiling me and treating me like a prince, for loving me. For fighting alongside me and never giving up” I never saw it at the time, I didn’t see it for a long time after, I was just too sad about any memory of you because it brought back the pain of loosing you. I could not even imagine ever having another cat after you, I just couldn’t. But now I look back and realize...I did save you, I didn’t let you down and although I do not know what kind of life you had before you joined mine, I do know that in your years with me you were happy, warm, loved and looked after.
And this is why, thanks to you and your unwavering gratitude, I was able to once again open my heart to other rescue cats. To give them a chance to have the good, loving, pampered home they deserve. You changed me from shop to adopt, you showed me the difference it made to you, from sad and unwanted in a lonely cage to happy in a home full of love and attention. So thank you my friend, no one will ever replace you and although we have a long wait I know one day we will see each other again. But most of all, I want to say thank you for choosing me.
You were officially a “senior” when our eyes first met through the glass of the animal home you had been left at. You were shaven and tatty looking but there was something in those huge sky blue orbs of yours that had me transfixed. I had not even gone looking for a cat that day, it had been a fund raising Saturday and I’d decided to look around after the event.
Nobody looked at you, everyone passed by and although you came up to the glass when I had walked over, I noticed you didn’t do it for anyone else when I moved along. I walked back towards you and you greeted me again and again, your beautiful eyes looking at me and only me all the while.
I reserved you on my way out, I was told I had until Monday to come and get you else the reservation would be cancelled. I didn’t even have permission for a cat where I was living at the time but I had the whole weekend to get around that obstacle, you were coming home with me..of that I was absolutely certain! Long story short after an entire weekend of pleading and bothering I managed to get the permission I so badly needed in order to be able to collect you on the Monday. I felt so relieved, I would have been devastated to have let you down even in those early days.
Monday rolled around and I headed off to get you, I didn’t mind that transport was a problem that day and I had to walk for over an hour to get you and then an hour back to the nearest bus with you almost breaking my arms! I don’t think anything could have wiped that smile off my face.
We arrived home and you tentatively took your first steps into your new environment. You made a huge effort to stay near me and followed me around, something you would continue to do for the rest of your life. You also purred incessantly, you only ever stopped when in a deep sleep. Honestly I thought there were moments when I wondered if some sort of breathing issue was causing it but the vets checked you over and announced that you were just a very happy boy. I didn’t realize it at the time but it was just your way of saying thank you for every extra day you had. You were scheduled to be put to sleep if I had failed to collect you that Monday, you had been at the shelter a long time and no one had ever shown an interest, I found this out as I was signing your paperwork that fateful day.
Over time your fur grew back and the “ugly cat” no one understood why anyone would want blossomed into a beautiful ball of fluffy long fur. Everyone who saw you commented on how handsome you were and few would believe me that it was the same sorry looking creature that I’d been so passionate about taking home. You had always been beautiful to me, even when we first met, I knew the kindness of your little soul hidden within the depths of those enchanting eyes.
We shared such a strong bond, you always knew when I was coming home even if I was dropped off by a taxi at an odd hour you’d come racing out to meet me without fail. If I came home in my car you’d leap in my lap the second I opened my door and shove your head in my face. When I was sad you’d be there rubbing your little head on my cheek and drying my tears, when I was happy you were always the first I would cuddle and share the news with. And of course in all this time...you...never...stopped...purring.
Of course there are certain downsides to being so close, when you fell ill I noticed IMMEDIATELY that you were not quite right even if you tried to hide it. The prognosis wasn’t good and although you lived for years following the diagnosis I knew that eventually we would loose that fight. You soldiered on through the medication and continued your happy life pain free until one fateful day. On that day you never came to greet me when I arrived home and instantly I felt a sense of dread. As I entered the house there was still no sign of you, I called your name...nothing...no jingle of a bell, no thundering of paws to greet me. I put down my things and began to climb the stairs to look for you, as my head reached the height of the floor above there you were huddled in a corner. I looked at you and spoke your name softly, questioningly. You looked back at me with such a sadness that I knew in that instant you were dying, you struggled over to me in the dim evening light (I’d been so concerned with looking for you I had not even flipped a light switch). I scooped you up gently and we sped off in the car to the emergency vets. I don’t even remember calling them and I can’t even remember if I placed you in your carrier, I don’t even recall the drive there.
The vet took some blood and you had to stay there for the night on a heat pad, I cried and begged you to be ok as I had to leave and you rubbed you face into my tears and purred. It was the beginning of the end, we both knew it but neither of us wanted to accept it. The blood results came back and the vets did everything they could to make you better. You’d had the odd lapse over the years but nothing like this one. After 3 days of you being there the vet called to say you seemed to be doing better, you were purring away, walking around, eating and just seemed better in yourself. He asked if he could run the tests again and I agreed, they came back even worse than before...he was shocked you were even still alive never mind that you were swanning around pretending to be as happy as a clam. With those test results came a choice, I could wait things out even though he felt you’d die within the next 24-48hours regardless of your acting skills, or I could ease your suffering and help you to go. It was such a hard choice to speak aloud, of course I knew what had to be done for you but I knew the massive void you would leave behind when you left.
I drove to the vets during my lunch to tell the vet and you my decision. But I could not do it right at that moment, I just wasn’t ready to let go and also the vet did not want to rush through it between appointments. I promised to come back in the evening after hours and begged you to wait for me, that I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet and that I was coming back. I did come back although later than agreed because fate decided to throw me in a traffic block and I was almost in pieces by the time I arrived worrying I’d be too late, that the vet would not wait or that you would have already passed.
I got there and the relief I felt to find you were still alive almost made me forget for a second why I was there. I apologized to you for being late and if I had caused you any extra pain in waiting for me. You of course just purred at me as if I was being silly. I still wasn’t ready to say goodbye but as I carried you from the holding rooms to the vets room I explained to you that I had to do this for you, that if I could I would do ANYTHING to save you, I didn’t care what it would cost but sadly there was nothing left that could be done. All I could do to help you now was to take your pain away, the pain you so skillfully pretended not to have. You must have felt so ill but you denied it so well. You died in my arms as the vet administered the injection into your drip line , you purred the whole time as I told you I loved you and that I was sorry I could not save you. I knew you were gone when the purring suddenly stopped, and then I just sobbed into your fur for what felt like the longest time, not wanting to let you go knowing that I would never hold you again.
The vet and his staff assistant were also in tears and I will be forever thankful to them for not rushing me despite it eating into their out of hours time.
Loosing you was hard, even writing that took a lot of pauses to regain composure. But when I look back at your life now I realize that every little purr was a “thank you”, “thank you for stroking me, thank you for saving my life that day at the shelter, thank you for brushing me, feeding me, spoiling me and treating me like a prince, for loving me. For fighting alongside me and never giving up” I never saw it at the time, I didn’t see it for a long time after, I was just too sad about any memory of you because it brought back the pain of loosing you. I could not even imagine ever having another cat after you, I just couldn’t. But now I look back and realize...I did save you, I didn’t let you down and although I do not know what kind of life you had before you joined mine, I do know that in your years with me you were happy, warm, loved and looked after.
And this is why, thanks to you and your unwavering gratitude, I was able to once again open my heart to other rescue cats. To give them a chance to have the good, loving, pampered home they deserve. You changed me from shop to adopt, you showed me the difference it made to you, from sad and unwanted in a lonely cage to happy in a home full of love and attention. So thank you my friend, no one will ever replace you and although we have a long wait I know one day we will see each other again. But most of all, I want to say thank you for choosing me.
He really was very special to me and even though I had not banked on getting a cat that day....I’m sure glad I did, I loved him from the moment I saw him and he brought such joy.
