Unexpected Loss 💔

[ells_x]

Hello everyone,
I just wanted to come on here for some advice.
I was on holiday in Iceland and whilst I was gone my Bertie became unwell with a suspected bladder stone. He underwent a surgery to remove it and whilst it was a very successful surgery.. my Bertie just wasn't able to wake up from the anaesthetic.
I am completely shattered, I've spent the last three days crying. My Bertie was my entire world, he saved me and I wish I could have saved him.
How do people navigate through this pain? I'm really struggling. Rupert (his brother) is still here, he seems okay. He's chattering his teeth and seems skittish. He's having more hugs and attention now but I'm incredibly anxious and scared to lose him too. I've never felt pain like this before. My whole life feels ruined.. I know to many people he was just a guinea pig but to me he was my joy and my happiness.
Thank you for listening to me, any advice is warmly welcome.
Bertie is my best friend in this life and in the next one too

 

[Claire W]

I am so very sorry for your loss It makes it even worse when we’re not with them and when it happens so unexpectedly

But please think of all the good times you have had with Bertie and take comfort that he had an amazing life with you and Rupert and he wouldn’t have suffered at the end.

Most of us on here have been in the position you’re in now and although it doesn’t feel like it right now, the pain you feel now with gradually ease and you’ll find comfort with the memories you have of Bertie You may find the following threads helpful as you go through the grieving process. (((Hugs))) Give Rupert a big cuddle as you grieve together x

You are welcome to write a thread for Bertie in our Rainbow Bridge section when and if you feel ready x

Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

 

[ells_x]

I am so very sorry for your loss It makes it even worse when we’re not with them and when it happens so unexpectedly

But please think of all the good times you have had with Bertie and take comfort that he had an amazing life with you and Rupert and he wouldn’t have suffered at the end.

Most of us on here have been in the position you’re in now and although it doesn’t feel like it right now, the pain you feel now with gradually ease and you’ll find comfort with the memories you have of Bertie You may find the following threads helpful as you go through the grieving process. (((Hugs))) Give Rupert a big cuddle as you grieve together x

You are welcome to write a thread for Bertie in our Rainbow Bridge section when and if you feel ready x

Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

Thank you so much, truly.
I didn't want to feel alone in this grief and this is the perfect place.
I appreciate your kind words and I'll be sure to look through those threads.
Thank you

 

[Claire W]

Thank you so much, truly.
I didn't want to feel alone in this grief and this is the perfect place.
I appreciate your kind words and I'll be sure to look through those threads.
Thank you

You’re not alone. We’re all here to support you through your grief and offer practical advice

 

[Wiebke]

HUGE HUGS

I am so very sorry. A tragedy like yours always comes as such a huge shock; especially when you cannot be there and feel even more helpless. And even more so when you are on holiday.

Sadly, it does happen occasionally. I have lost three piggies that way over the last 15 years - either to heart failure right at the end of an operation or to them not coming round again. It's always ever so upsetting for the vet team, too, who are always trying their best.
It was always a massive shock and took me longer to come to terms with than other ways of dying, since none of them was supposed to be a borderline make-or-break operation and I was not braced for the bad news. Surprise deaths are always a lot more difficult to deal with.

Please try to take consolation in that you have not failed Bertie in any way. Without the stone operation he would have faced a more gradual decline in great pain, which in its different way would have caused you loads of soul pain, too - especially when you would have been facing the difficult decision whether to pts (put to sleep/euthanise) or not and finding the right point of time for that.
This way at least he has not suffered and the pain is all on you - on the bottom line, would we not rather choose to bear the heavier burden were we given the the time to make a deliberate choice? What is making your turmoil worse right now is that you haven't been given the control that comes with those choices, as painful as they may in themselves.

Give yourself time to not be OK. You are dealing with both the huge shock and the pain of loss all at once in rather traumatic circumstances. It takes time to even get as far as starting to make sense of it all and even more time to process it all.
Right now you are feeling like you have been caught in a huge tsunami wave and are being tossed around without having emotional ground under your feet, something to hold onto and land in sight. Your reaction is perfectly normal for the traumatic circumstances.

Please contact the free (UK only) Blue Cross pet bereavement platforms if you find that you cannot sleep or function for days. Talking it out of you is the best thing you can do to deal with such a traumatic event.

Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

Pet Loss Support

When you can, please focus on Rupert but don't knee jerk. Give him time to grieve - as long as he keeps eating and drinking - and give yourself time to make enquiries. Most bereaved singles, unless there is a strong emotional dependency, will hold for 1-4 weeks. It is more important that you get it right for him than that you get him company quickly that causes you more problems than it solves.

Looking After a Bereaved Guinea Pig

Single Guinea Pigs - Challenges and Responsibilities

My thoughts are with you and Rupert.

 

[CTWC]

I am so sorry that you lost your precious boy Bertie and you're right it is heartbreaking. Those photos clearly show the love you shared.
Be gentle with yourself as you grieve

 

[ells_x]

HUGE HUGS

I am so very sorry. A tragedy like yours always comes as such a huge shock; especially when you cannot be there and feel even more helpless. And even more so when you are on holiday.

Sadly, it does happen occasionally. I have lost three piggies that way over the last 15 years - either to heart failure right at the end of an operation or to them not coming round again. It's always ever so upsetting for the vet team, too, who are always trying their best.
It was always a massive shock and took me longer to come to terms with than other ways of dying, since none of them was supposed to be a borderline make-or-break operation and I was not braced for the bad news. Surprise deaths are always a lot more difficult to deal with.

Please try to take consolation in that you have not failed Bertie in any way. Without the stone operation he would have faced a more gradual decline in great pain, which in its different way would have caused you loads of soul pain, too - especially when you would have been facing the difficult decision whether to pts (put to sleep/euthanise) or not and finding the right point of time for that.
This way at least he has not suffered and the pain is all on you - on the bottom line, would we not rather choose to bear the heavier burden were we given the the time to make a deliberate choice? What is making your turmoil worse right now is that you haven't been given the control that comes with those choices, as painful as they may in themselves.

Give yourself time to not be OK. You are dealing with both the huge shock and the pain of loss all at once in rather traumatic circumstances. It takes time to even get as far as starting to make sense of it all and even more time to process it all.
Right now you are feeling like you have been caught in a huge tsunami wave and are being tossed around without having emotional ground under your feet, something to hold onto and land in sight. Your reaction is perfectly normal for the traumatic circumstances.

Please contact the free (UK only) Blue Cross pet bereavement platforms if you find that you cannot sleep or function for days. Talking it out of you is the best thing you can do to deal with such a traumatic event.

Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

Pet Loss Support

When you can, please focus on Rupert but don't knee jerk. Give him time to grieve - as long as he keeps eating and drinking - and give yourself time to make enquiries. Most bereaved singles, unless there is a strong emotional dependency, will hold for 1-4 weeks. It is more important that you get it right for him than that you get him company quickly that causes you more problems than it solves.

Looking After a Bereaved Guinea Pig

Single Guinea Pigs - Challenges and Responsibilities

My thoughts are with you and Rupert.

Thank you,
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I've felt numb today but with a heavy feeling in my chest and tears just won't come out.
I am so devastated, there's just no words. I am sorry that you have had to experience similar situations to me. I honour your strength to continue on taking care of piggies after such heartbreaks - it's something I fear I'm not strong enough for now.
I've been doing a lot of "is this feeling normal?" So I am glad to hear that it's normal and part of the grieving process.
I gave Bertie the absolute best chance.. it kills me because it went so well and in the last minute it all changed. Bert's vet was absolutely devastated, she's never lost a piggie before and even gave him mouth to mouth to try and bring him back. Our vet has invited us to go and talk to her about the whole process etc as we wasn't in the country to be there and understand the full story. I feel so thankful.
Sorry to sort of spill everything out but I feel less alone in my pain and more understood than anything.
Thank you, so much.

 

[Wiebke]

Thank you,
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I've felt numb today but with a heavy feeling in my chest and tears just won't come out.
I am so devastated, there's just no words. I am sorry that you have had to experience similar situations to me. I honour your strength to continue on taking care of piggies after such heartbreaks - it's something I fear I'm not strong enough for now.
I've been doing a lot of "is this feeling normal?" So I am glad to hear that it's normal and part of the grieving process.
I gave Bertie the absolute best chance.. it kills me because it went so well and in the last minute it all changed. Bert's vet was absolutely devastated, she's never lost a piggie before and even gave him mouth to mouth to try and bring him back. Our vet has invited us to go and talk to her about the whole process etc as we wasn't in the country to be there and understand the full story. I feel so thankful.
Sorry to sort of spill everything out but I feel less alone in my pain and more understood than anything.
Thank you, so much.

It is lovely from your vet to offer having a talk about what exactly happened. I hope that it helps both of you getting some ground under your feet again by making sense of it. Right now, it doesn't for you and that is part of why you feel so overwhelmed.
Of course you are not ready for new company when you are in a total emotional mess. As long as he is eating and drinking, Rupert will hold until you get some ground under your feet again.
That is why I wrote about not making knee jerk decisions just because you think you need to.

There is however a wonderful link to a very insightful post by a forum member 'On Grief and Hope' in the bereaved companions GUIDE link, which you may find inspiring and helpful when the time is right and you are out of the current emotional tsunami.

Of course, you cannot think about the future while you are swimming for your life and feeling like you are drowning in your emotions right now. And of course you are not ready for a new path right now. Give Bertie his due first. The rest will come in time; just don't put yourself under pressure about it right now. Take everything step by step and don't try to swallow everything at once and solve everything at once. You'll get there and we continue to be here for you throughout the whole time.

You may want to bookmark this thread so you can pick it up easily again at any point.

PS: I know that it is rather cheesy but I find this link here very comforting and soothing. it works for all ages. And as my own Dryw ('Wren' in Welsh) has just made her own journey to the Bridge while I was typing my first post in this thread (she's been slowly slipping away since Sunday so I have already done a fair bit of the grieving), that is what I am going to do for myself right now.
Rainbow bridge video I made, I hope it can bring some comfort to others

Take care of yourself, be kind with yourself and most importantly, give yourself time and space to grieve. It is not something you can hurry on.

 

[Merab]

So sorry that Bertie didn’t recover from the anaesthetic.
What a horrible shock for you.
We do understand the pain of loss.
These little animals occupy a huge space in our hearts.
Sending you hugs

 

[Mrs Tiggy Winkle]

Please don't apologise for "spilling it all out". That's part of what this thread is for!

I'm so sorry you lost Bertie so suddenly. It's clear from the photos how much you loved him.