I read this article and had to double-check that the article had actually come from The Guardian, it reads like it was written by an intern who had come in on that day with a hangover, or someone whose partner declined to go for dinner on account of having to cuddle their guinea pigs. Perhaps their only experience caring for pigs was the "had a pig in a hutch in the bottom of the garden and wondered why it didn't do much whenever I stopped by." in which case, I'm not surprised that they had such a bad relationship and experience with their pigs.
You get back as much as what you put into your relationship with your pigs <3
What does the writer know about guinea pigs, anyway? Sticking some eyes on a cushion, indeed - everyone who is anybody knows that guinea pigs are potato's with legs.