I know iv posted a lot of threads about my pig patches dieing but i just need someone to talk to. Its an emotional roller coaster, but I'm feeling better.... but not totally great. Iv excepted my pigs death although i miss him and i wish i could hold him and care for him and give him toys, yard time etc. i know i cant. I feel comfort when i think of my baby. I know i did my best given my situation and i would do anything for them if i knew it would make them happy. But after the comfort comes guilt, overwhelming guilt... but i know there is no reason too... i know i was a great mama. Yet i feel almost like I'm sinking. I ask myself what if i had held him he night before or even the day he died i would have noticed something and i would have helped him. I ask myself did i hold him enough?( i have 6 other pigs so its not easy holding them all at night which i usually do) I worry, Was he happy?... He seemed happy but i cant speak pig. Its winter here and way to cold for them to go eat grass in the park or go in the backyard. In the winter most of their time the are in their cages. In spring they are always playing outside. My other pig peanut broke his tooth off and i have had to give him special attention, which is hard because it makes me wish that i would have done even more for patches. ( i did take care of him, i have him medicine and everything) but he didnt seem like he needed anything more then what i gave him, he seemed normal... nothing super out of the ordinary. So imagine my horror and shock to find him dead... its the most horrifying, heart breaking, guilt filled experience of my life. We got him a stone with his name and the other things you put on a headstone and flowers. I sleep with a picture of him and a stuffed animal that looks like him.
I feel like I'm cheating him by holding the other pigs and giving them everything. I wish he was here to enjoy the love and stuff with my other pigs. He was only 3, my pigs are going to enjoy this life forever and he wont be here for all the new toys and treats... he wont get to experience new things with his family. Idk... trust me my pigs have seen and experienced many things. They are spoiled.... but i feel like he is gettin cheated by not being here... I'm afraid to give my pigs new things he didnt get because then i will feel even guiltier. I SHOULDNT FEEL GUILTY! he had a great life but i cant get passed this feeling thats a lie. Please help... how can i get past the feeling of cheating him by giving my pigs new things and stuff.... i just want him to be here to enjoy it.
I feel like I'm cheating him by holding the other pigs and giving them everything. I wish he was here to enjoy the love and stuff with my other pigs. He was only 3, my pigs are going to enjoy this life forever and he wont be here for all the new toys and treats... he wont get to experience new things with his family. Idk... trust me my pigs have seen and experienced many things. They are spoiled.... but i feel like he is gettin cheated by not being here... I'm afraid to give my pigs new things he didnt get because then i will feel even guiltier. I SHOULDNT FEEL GUILTY! he had a great life but i cant get passed this feeling thats a lie. Please help... how can i get past the feeling of cheating him by giving my pigs new things and stuff.... i just want him to be here to enjoy it.
