Are you saying your girlfriend and family are making you feel inadequate? If so you really have to question if it is of any benefit to be with people who are not having a positive impact. I think life with mental illness is hard enough without people making things worse.
Yea I am. I've never felt good enough to my mum because she's always praised my brothers more than me. They've always been able to just get on with things and she'd 'joke' that it was easier bringing up boys than girls, even if I was with her. That began when I began having my mental health issues, I was about 12-13. I began wishing I'd either never been born or had been born male, maybe then I'd have pleased her.
My dad just doesn't really take any notice of us and never has done, but I've noticed now he'll talk WITH my younger brother about things, but he'll just talk at me and patronise me, if I'll ask him to buy me something in town, knowing I can't physically go there myself due to not being able to use buses alone, he'll just sit there ignoring me for what can be all day, pretending he's asleep or he'll turn the TV up, and then eventually he'll go and get me what I need. He won't say yes or no if he will/can do, and I don't mind if he won't or can't, I just don't get a response at most of the time, unless I keep on at him but then I know my mum had that problem with him as well so it can't just be me I suppose. I do think he's sexist to be honest more than anything.
My older brother has lived in Kent/London for 11 years now so I don't really know him. When he went to Uni, I was the eldest child at home and felt pressured to match his determination to succeed, and match his qualifications. I never did and I used to get it rubbed in my face all the time. Now my younger brother is succeeding in things, working and getting on with his life, I'm getting patronising and abusive remarks from him, and he's the one who used to try to stop my mum beating me black and blue as I was growing up, so I feel like he's stabbed me in the back. He would get bullied at school because his sister 'liked girls' and was 'mental'.
With my girlfriend, well I can't give the exact details why because this is a forum used by young people too, but lets just say I can't biologically give her what she's once told me, she's wanted me to give her. That's played on my mind ever since and reminds me of the pain I feel and felt growing up, not being just what my mum wanted me to be.
But, I depend on them all, well not my brothers, but I depend on my mum for support when we go to appointments anywhere or if I need to get anything in town, she'll take me. I depend on my dad for the house I grew up in for almost 19 years, he feeds me and lets me stay here for free. And I depend on my girlfriend because she's the only one, despite every single verbally abusive argument we have, that will always be genuinely pleased that I'm in their life.
Sorry that is a really personally and quite horrific thing to just come out with on here but that's how I feel every day, just constant conflicting emotions. No wonder I can get along with any animal but very, very rarely can I get along with people.
