Cold Hay by Ruby

Swissgreys

Swissgreys

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Today we had fresh hay trays - this in itself is actually quite nice (I love my hay tray), but the big slave (the one who is usually quite boring) put it in my cage, I jumped in, squeaked a couple of times and jumped straight back out.
Then I jumped in again (fresh hay trays are so exciting) and squeaked and jumped out.
At this point the big slave looked worried and picked me up.

I do not like it when the big slave touches me, so I tried to give her a sneaky nip, but it seems she is becoming wise to this and avoided my teeth.
Then she started checking my eyes and saying silly things like ‘Oh no Ruby, please tell me you don’t have a hay poke’.
Of course I didn’t have a hay poke - the big slave really has no idea.
But she kept trying to check my eyes and touching me which I did not like at all.

Eventually she put me back in my cage and I hopped back in my hay tray and did a few small, angry squeaks.
So she got me out AGAIN, and started looking at my bottom and muttering about bladder sludge.
By this point I was extremely cross so I did a rather big wee to let her know I did not have bladder sludge, and she needed to put me down immediately.

After all of this she finally got the idea (she really is not very easy to train despite my ongoing efforts) and put her hand in my hay tray to try and work out that the problem was.
She decided that I was probably squealing because I like to burrow in my hay and the hay was cold.
She mentioned something about over indulged diva pigs, but I wasn’t really listening at that point.

So the latest injustice in my life is that my fresh hay tray was made up with cold hay.
Cold hay - can you even imagine.
The big slave was full of dull excuses about something called Winter and not being able to store all the different types of hay inside the house, but I know that is just her being difficult. If we have room for a sofa then we have room for more hay (if we removed the sofa).
Clearly she just isn’t cut out to care for a sensitive and sweet natured guinea pig like me.
I have attached a photo of me in my hay tray (after it warmed up to an acceptable temperature) chewing on a mulberry branch and looking very sweet.
If only the big slave could see how blessed she really is to have me in her life.
Sadly she was too busy mopping the floor and muttering about demon diva guinea pigs.

Love Ruby xx
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Oh Ruby, you’re really going to have to work harder on that behaviour management! Slave needs to know her place!

On another note I’m sorry about the cold hay. I can understand why you were complaining.
 
Aw Ruby, Tallulah says you are missing a trick by not having a tame husboar!
Husboars do have their uses, Tallulah likes to pretend to be submissive and let Ollie into the haytray first. Lots of submissive squeaks and ear fluttering... 15 minutes later once its all warmed up and the tickly bits are squashed down she goes and climbs on his back then jumps up and down very hard with all 4 paws making her nagging wife chuckle noise. Perfect! Warm flattened hay. Ollie retreats to a fleecy tunnel. 15 minutes later Tallulah climbs on Ollie's back, jumps up and down with all 4 paws making her best nagging wife chuckle noise. Ollie is reluctant but slowly gets squeezed out of his fleecy tunnel like toothpaste with all the jumping. Tallulah climbs in, its lovely and warm! Ollie settles down in the wooden house on a fleecy cushion... Ollie gets shunted around the furniture all day and night in winter like a very handsome mobile snugglesafe who can be coerced into pre-warming anywhere his lovely chocolate naked scheming wifepig wants to go next!
 
PigglePuggle said:
Aw Ruby, Tallulah says you are missing a trick by not having a tame husboar!
Husboars do have their uses, Tallulah likes to pretend to be submissive and let Ollie into the haytray first. Lots of submissive squeaks and ear fluttering... 15 minutes later once its all warmed up and the tickly bits are squashed down she goes and climbs on his back then jumps up and down very hard with all 4 paws making her nagging wife chuckle noise. Perfect! Warm flattened hay. Ollie retreats to a fleecy tunnel. 15 minutes later Tallulah climbs on Ollie's back, jumps up and down with all 4 paws making her best nagging wife chuckle noise. Ollie is reluctant but slowly gets squeezed out of his fleecy tunnel like toothpaste with all the jumping. Tallulah climbs in, its lovely and warm! Ollie settles down in the wooden house on a fleecy cushion... Ollie gets shunted around the furniture all day and night in winter like a very handsome mobile snugglesafe who can be coerced into pre-warming anywhere his lovely chocolate naked scheming wifepig wants to go next!
Click to expand...

Dear Tallulah,

Thank you for your kind and helpful advice.

I do love the idea of a Hus-boar, and your Ollie does indeed sound most useful.
Sadly after trying to live with over 10 different piggies over the past 5 years, it seems I do not have access to the sweet and wonderful type that you have found in Ollie. All the piggies I have lived with have resulted in me filling for piggy divorce.
It's not me personally, it's just the other piggies.
It's hard when you are a sweet and amicalble sow like me, but other piggies just haven't appreciated me as much as they should.

Your Ollie sounds nice - maybe he fancies a trip to Switzerland?

Love Ruby xx
 
Oh dear Ruby, you need to train hooman slave. Cold hay will not do! I mean, what are they expecting us to do with that!? My hooman is very good and already well trained and always provides the warmest hay. I luv jumping in hay piles and popcorning and squeaking and hooman knows this is my happy dance.

I speak to my neighbor Oreo and she says she get the warmest hay too. She says she luv it so much she does a happy dance too.

i recommend using treats to praise hooman slave and if they're really good gib some of the finest Timothy. If they're naughty pee on them until they get it right.

luv Chunk
 
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