Guilt over putting my boy to sleep

[Sarah1515]

Hello.
I’m not sure where else to turn, and I’m not sure what I am hoping to achieve from my post, but I hope there are people that have been through this that can maybe offer some advice.

Yesterday, I made the decision to have one of my boys, Peanut, put to sleep.

He was around 5 years old. He came to us in march 2025 after his previous companion from the last owner passed away. His previous owners did not want to get more piggies, and so we gave him a home. The previous owners did was a colleague of my husbands.

Peanut settle in great, and we bonded him with one of our solo boys, Coco.
They got on so well, and were always just happy in each others company.

Early December, Peanut got haypoke. He was given drops and pain relief, and it soon resolved itself in a week or so.
A few days later, he had a white patch on the centre of his other eye.
I naturally thought he had managed to poke himself in the other eye!
Off to the vets we went, but the vet was pretty certain that it was actually a cataract.
She told us that they don’t typically get treated, and that peanut would adapt to the reduced vision etc. we were told to just keep an eye on him, and take him back if anything worsens etc.

Until yesterday, peanut was his usual chilled self, eating, drinking, pooping etc which was a relief.
Until…..I noticed his whole eye had clouded right over and looked moist and a bit gungy.
My immediate thought again was a hay pole that had just happened (his eye was fine an hour before when I fed them)

As it was Sunday, I got in touch with the out of hours vet. They gave me an appointment at 12pm.

After a good examination, and her discussion with a colleague, she came back with unfortunate news.
She said his eye had ruptured.
Likely from a secondary problem of the cataract, being glycoma. She explained it as a build up of pressure at the back of the eye.

She told me that I had two options. One was surgery to have his eye removed, the other was to let him go.

I had a chat with her about her thoughts on how he would handle the surgery, and the recovery.
She said the risks would be higher due to his age, but did say that his heart and lungs sounded good. Obviously she couldn’t make any guarantees either way, which I fully understood and appreciated.
I did ask about the likelihood of him developing cataracts in the other eye, and she said it would be quite common for the other eye to follow suit, but again could not say for definite.

I made the decision to let him go. I didn’t want him to have the stress of surgery, recovery and to maybe have to face the issue again in the short term future.

My heart broke.

As we were talking, peanut was in his carrier happily munching on hay, and that is all I can picture now. If we didn’t have the eye issue, then I would have no concerns over him.
I feel I’ve failed him over something as small as an eye.

I just don’t know what I am expecting from this. But what I do know is that I desperately miss my Peanut, and wish I had given him the chance to get better.

Thank you for reading x

 

[KathT]

It is always a difficult decision to make, to let one of our animal friends go to save future pain and stress. And then the guilt always follows. You did what you thought was best for Peanut after careful discussion with the vet. You are a brilliant piggie owner for what you have done so please don’t beat yourself up. It’s hard I know, I have had to do it a few times but I knew it was the right thing to do - it doesn’t stop the guilt though. Just know that he will not suffer any more and you gave him a lovely last few months with a companion he liked - he lived his best piggie life.
So sorry for the loss of Peanut - it will get easier.

 

[Wiebke]

Hello.
I’m not sure where else to turn, and I’m not sure what I am hoping to achieve from my post, but I hope there are people that have been through this that can maybe offer some advice.

Yesterday, I made the decision to have one of my boys, Peanut, put to sleep.

He was around 5 years old. He came to us in march 2025 after his previous companion from the last owner passed away. His previous owners did not want to get more piggies, and so we gave him a home. The previous owners did was a colleague of my husbands.

Peanut settle in great, and we bonded him with one of our solo boys, Coco.
They got on so well, and were always just happy in each others company.

Early December, Peanut got haypoke. He was given drops and pain relief, and it soon resolved itself in a week or so.
A few days later, he had a white patch on the centre of his other eye.
I naturally thought he had managed to poke himself in the other eye!
Off to the vets we went, but the vet was pretty certain that it was actually a cataract.
She told us that they don’t typically get treated, and that peanut would adapt to the reduced vision etc. we were told to just keep an eye on him, and take him back if anything worsens etc.

Until yesterday, peanut was his usual chilled self, eating, drinking, pooping etc which was a relief.
Until…..I noticed his whole eye had clouded right over and looked moist and a bit gungy.
My immediate thought again was a hay pole that had just happened (his eye was fine an hour before when I fed them)

As it was Sunday, I got in touch with the out of hours vet. They gave me an appointment at 12pm.

After a good examination, and her discussion with a colleague, she came back with unfortunate news.
She said his eye had ruptured.
Likely from a secondary problem of the cataract, being glycoma. She explained it as a build up of pressure at the back of the eye.

She told me that I had two options. One was surgery to have his eye removed, the other was to let him go.

I had a chat with her about her thoughts on how he would handle the surgery, and the recovery.
She said the risks would be higher due to his age, but did say that his heart and lungs sounded good. Obviously she couldn’t make any guarantees either way, which I fully understood and appreciated.
I did ask about the likelihood of him developing cataracts in the other eye, and she said it would be quite common for the other eye to follow suit, but again could not say for definite.

I made the decision to let him go. I didn’t want him to have the stress of surgery, recovery and to maybe have to face the issue again in the short term future.

My heart broke.

As we were talking, peanut was in his carrier happily munching on hay, and that is all I can picture now. If we didn’t have the eye issue, then I would have no concerns over him.
I feel I’ve failed him over something as small as an eye.

I just don’t know what I am expecting from this. But what I do know is that I desperately miss my Peanut, and wish I had given him the chance to get better.

Thank you for reading x

BIG HUGS

Would it help you to know that my Hafina (age unknown when she was dumped with other sows in a cardboard box in full summer sun on a private person's doorstep but classed as 'mature') died in an eye removal operation due to an infection inside her eyeball which hadn't responded to strong antibiotics but had resulted in glaucoma (bulging and hardening eye) eventually.
She had a nasty long term untreated eye infection when found, which was sorted at the rescue; but it had left her with blocked tear ducts (or the blocked tear ducts resulted in a long term untreated eye infection), which rendered her chances of adoption pretty nil so I offered her a home with my big Tribe group.
Unfortunately, a remnant of the original infection or a non-ulcerating eye injury must have penetrated deep into the eyeball, which as a closed system is very hard to reach with medication. Her heart sadly gave out at the end of her eye removal operation.

Hafina getting an eye clean from Telyn


A burst eye can happen from an strong infection inside the eye (and often complicated with a weakened immune system) or from underneath a strong cataract like yours and likely caused by it when it started leaking proteins down into the eye.
Which was why my 3 years old Meleri had her eye successfully removed as the risk of the infection coming back with a vengeance and potentially bursting the eye was fairly high. Glaucoma is thankfully comparatively rare in piggies; much more commonly a suddenly bulging eye is pushed out by a retrobulbar abscess (an abscess behind the eye).

In order to get the eye out, the vet needs to push on the eye, which is putting pressure on the heart and can lead to it stopping, especially in older and/or frailer piggies. That is the reason why many vets are rather reluctant and prefer to remove any eye only as a last resort; even more so in older piggies where the fatality risk is higher.
I hope that this gives you a bit more background for what was behind your vet's arguments. There is nothing as just 'a little eye' or underestimating eye injuries. They are an important and very sensitive organ.


Your decision has been made with your love to spare Peanut any unnecessary suffering in a very difficult situation where the alternative was on the risky and very expensive side.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. As long as your decision is made with Peanut's welfare and your love coming before your own fears of loss, you do not fail a pet, whichever way you decide.
This link here may help you to clear your mind a bit as you must be feeling like you are drowning in strong emotions from the shock and the loss all at once right now: Operation, Terminal Care or Euthanasia? - Helpful Questions to Ask Ahead or in Hindsight

Since we can never take a sneak peek at the outcome, these kind of between a rock and a hard place choices inevitably give you with major case of guilt and soul-searching afterwards - you would not having them if you were not a loving and caring owner because they are an expression of your commitment and not of any actual mistakes.
It is always so much easier to judge from hindsight where you can follow a clear path back and to question everything when in fact you are treading a maze blindfolded and without a map.

What you are currently experiencing is sadly the nasty mind loop at the start of the grieving process that can whack and sometimes trap all of us. As humans, we are wired to reflect everything back onto ourselves and never more so when we have to make life and death decisions on the hoof under traumatic circumstances we have not had time to brace for (and even then, they can end you all too often in this guilt trap, which you may struggle to get out of.

I have often made that same decision with other health issues for piggies of mine where an operation was rather risky and could have led to death or a prolonged and ultimately failed recovery. It's never been something I have made lightly and without going through some major soul-searching afterwards.

Please also take into consideration that piggies don't have a concept of an average life span. They measure a good life in happy todays in loving care. You have clearly given Peanut those in abundance and you haven't failed him in that respect at all. He has been in major pain and you have spared him potential further suffering or a potential death on the operating table.


Please be kind with yourself. It is totally normal to be not OK right now or for the coming days but if you find yourself unable to sleep or function or to let go of your strong feelings of guil and failure, please seek support as you are suffering from PTSD symptoms.
We can provide understanding communit support for as long as needed (please bookmark this thread so you can always pick it up easily) or you can contact the free Blue Cross bereavement platforms (UK only).
Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

Looking After a Bereaved Guinea Pig

I hope that this helps you? My thoughts are with you and Peanut's mate.

@Claire W has had one of her own piggies pts due to a burst eye.

 

[Rivervixen]

Sending you lots of love and hugs

 

[Sarah1515]

BIG HUGS

Would it help you to know that my Hafina (age unknown when she was dumped with other sows in a cardboard box in full summer sun on a private person's doorstep but classed as 'mature') died in an eye removal operation due to an infection inside her eyeball which hadn't responded to strong antibiotics but had resulted in glaucoma (bulging and hardening eye) eventually.
She had a nasty long term eye infection, which was sorted at the rescue but it had left her with a blocked tear duct (or the blocked tear duct resulted in a long term untreated eye infection), which rendered her chances of adoption pretty nil so I offered her a home with my big Tribe group. Unfortunately, a remnant of the original infection or a non-ulcerating eye injury must have penetrated deep into the eyeball, which as a closed system is very hard to reach with medication. Her heart sadly gave out at the end of the eye removal operation.

Hafina getting an eye clean from Telyn
View attachment 280217

A burst eye can happen from an strong infection inside the eye (and often complicated with a weakened immune system) or from underneath a strong cataract like yours and likely caused by it when it started leaking proteins down into the eye. Which was why my 3 years old Meleri had her eye successfully removed as the risk of the infection coming back with a vengeance and potentially bursting the eye was fairly high. Glaucoma is thankfully comparatively rare in piggies.

In order to get the eye out, the vet needs to push on the eye, which is putting pressure on the heart and can lead to stopping it, especially in older and/or frailer piggies. That is the reason why many vets are rather reluctant to do and prefer to remove any eye only as a last resort; even more so in older piggies where the fatality risk is higher.
I hope that this gives you a bit more background for what was behind your vet's arguments. There is nothing as just 'a little eye' or underestimating eye injuries.


Your decision has been made with your love to spare Peanut any unnecessary suffering in a very difficult situation where the alternative was on the risky and very expensive side.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. As long as your decision is made with Peanut's welfare and your love coming before your own fears of loss, you do not fail a pet, whichever way you decide.
This link here may help you to clear your mind a bit as you must be feeling like you are drowning in strong emotions from the shock and the loss all at once right now: Operation, Terminal Care or Euthanasia? - Helpful Questions to Ask Ahead or in Hindsight

Since we can never a sneak peek at the outcome, these kind of between a rock and a hard place choices always end you with major case of guilt and soul-searching afterwards. It is always so much easier to judge from hindsight and to question everything when in fact you are treading a maze blindfolded and without a map. That is the nasty mind-trap at the start of the grieving process that can really whack us. As humans, we are wired to reflect everything back onto ourselves and never more so when we have to make life and death decisions on the hoof under traumatic circumstances we have not had time to brace for (and even then, they can end you all too often in the same guilt trap.

I have often made that same decision with other health issues for piggies of mine where an operation was rather risky and could have led to death or a prolonged and ultimately failed recovery. It's never been something I have made lightly and without going through some major soul-searching afterwards.

Please also take into consideration that piggies don't have a concept of an average life span. They measure a good life in happy todays in loving care. You have clearly given Peanut those in abundance and you haven't failed him in that respect at all. He has been in major pain and you have spared him potential further suffering or a potential death on the operating table.


Please be kind with yourself. It is totally normal to be not OK right now or for the coming days but if you find yourself unable to sleep or function, please seek support as you are suffering from PTSD symptoms.
We can provide understanding communit support for as long as needed (please bookmark this thread so you can always pick it up easily) or you can contact the free Blue Cross bereavement platforms (UK only).
Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

Looking After a Bereaved Guinea Pig

I hope that this helps you? My thoughts are with you and Peanut's mate.

@Claire W has had one of her own piggies pts due to a burst eye.

Thank you so much for such a detailed reply.
I am sorry that your excellent advice and reassurance comes from a difficult experience in your own fur family.
But reading this really has helped.
The loss of peanut is very raw, and I realise that it is always harder in the first few days following the loss, but I have just been tormenting myself over whether I made the right choice, or whether I should of at least given him the chance to fight.
I forgot to add that when I first noticed the issue with peanuts eye yesterday, and I got him out to have a good look, there was a bright white fluid that came from the eye and ran into his tear duct. It was only the volume of a tear, but it was bright white and I have no idea what that was.
I will be using your reply as something to look back on and digest in a few days again, just to try and get a better understanding of what I have potentially saved him from.
Thank you so much again for your reply, and I am again sorry that your experience has come from a sad circumstance in your own piggy owning life x

 

[Sarah1515]

Sending you lots of love and hugs

Thank you xx

 

[Sarah1515]

It is always a difficult decision to make, to let one of our animal friends go to save future pain and stress. And then the guilt always follows. You did what you thought was best for Peanut after careful discussion with the vet. You are a brilliant piggie owner for what you have done so please don’t beat yourself up. It’s hard I know, I have had to do it a few times but I knew it was the right thing to do - it doesn’t stop the guilt though. Just know that he will not suffer any more and you gave him a lovely last few months with a companion he liked - he lived his best piggie life.
So sorry for the loss of Peanut - it will get easier.

Thank you very much.
I hope he knows that I really did try to put his welfare first, and that if I could have saved him on love alone, he would have lived forever.
I just find it hard to get past how normal he looked and seemed right up to the vet taking him away. My gorgeous boy x

 

[Wiebke]

Thank you so much for such a detailed reply.
I am sorry that your excellent advice and reassurance comes from a difficult experience in your own fur family.
But reading this really has helped.
The loss of peanut is very raw, and I realise that it is always harder in the first few days following the loss, but I have just been tormenting myself over whether I made the right choice, or whether I should of at least given him the chance to fight.
I forgot to add that when I first noticed the issue with peanuts eye yesterday, and I got him out to have a good look, there was a bright white fluid that came from the eye and ran into his tear duct. It was only the volume of a tear, but it was bright white and I have no idea what that was.
I will be using your reply as something to look back on and digest in a few days again, just to try and get a better understanding of what I have potentially saved him from.
Thank you so much again for your reply, and I am again sorry that your experience has come from a sad circumstance in your own piggy owning life x

The bright white fluid could be the milky eye cleaning fluid. But it really sounds nasty, poor boy, and you have made a very sound decision. end of life decisions are the most common area where the privilege of ownership can turn into a burden because you are the only one who can make those decisions.

I still remember my lovely-natured, squishy Hafina with much affection. Nerys (the big teddy in my avatar picture on the right) was very upset about losing her best friend in the large Tribe group. It took me a long time to get over my own feelings of guilt; you can find Hafina's story again in my Grieving guide.
After losing about 70 piggies or so over all the years, of course, it gets somewhat easier to deal with that aspect because you recognise it for what it is and it now takes a whole run of losses to make you really question yourself again but it is not something you can ever shake off fully - not if you are a caring owner because it is the flip side of your commitment and love.
The first few times are usually the worst.

Please be reassured that you have done all the right things and that you have not failed Peanut in any way. I have had a string of cataract piggies (some of them adopted because of them) and I know only too well that they can hide a multitude of sins... They are also making piggies more prone to hay pokes because their sight is impeded.

Focus on being sad but please don't feel bad and try not to beat yourself up for what is not in your control or what you didn't know. You have followed your heart and that is the main thing.

Peanut has made his journey to the Bridge carried by the wings of your love.

 

[Wiebke]

Thank you very much.
I hope he knows that I really did try to put his welfare first, and that if I could have saved him on love alone, he would have lived forever.
I just find it hard to get past how normal he looked and seemed right up to the vet taking him away. My gorgeous boy x

Sometimes you have to make decisions when there is nothing much wrong on the surface because of what you spare your piggy are some really nasty consequences down the line.

But he would have already been in considerable discomfort with his eye even though as a prey animal he was not showing it.

 

[CTWC]

I am so sorry you had to experience this.
Popcorn happily over The Rainbow Bridge sweet Peanut

 

[Truffolo]

Graze sweetly over the bridge little Peanut

 

[weepweeps]

I’m so sorry Peanut has crossed over the rainbow bridge. You’ve made this difficult decision based on advice from a vet. And your love for him shines through.

I had a piggy have bladder stone surgery. He really struggled afterwards and after four days of lots of injections, medication and trips to the vets he passed away. My guilt was the opposite of yours. I felt I’d put him through too much and should have let him go sooner.

So either way you could still feel the guilt. We can’t see into the future so just make our decisions based on facts we know at the time. Sending you massive hugs.