If your guinea pig could talk...

Swissgreys

Swissgreys

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Today at lunch time we were having a conversation about what our guinea pigs would say if they could talk.

Ruby
Don't touch me.
I don't like you. Or you. Or anyone actually.
Why did you give me a green bean. You know I don't like green beans.
If you touch my nails I will bite you.

Lucy
Thank you for feeding me.
I like you.
I like it when you cuddle me.
Thank you for cleaning my cage.
Of course you can clip my nails.

Harry
I am great.
Have I mentioned lately how great I am?
Actually I do need to constantly make noises when I do absolutely anything. Including walking.
It's great to be me.
I think I am going to rush around for no reason at all.
 
Love it!
Think my new lad Luigi would be along the lines of-

Ooh a lady
Look it’s a lady
Don’t you love me shaking my bum new lady friend
I’m sure I can chew through this metal and get to the lady
Ooh tasty food
Look it’s a lady! :D
 
Ted

Oh, I’m such a handsome boarly boar
Even slave can’t resist me
Oh, come on where’s the food then
Don’t come picking me up for cuddles unless there’s food!
I know, I’m so handsome, where’s the food then!

Bill

He thinks he’s such a handsome chap
But it’s me slave really adores
She can cuddle me anytime
But don’t forget the food!

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Bella: Ooh what’s this? Can I eat it? I’m going to eat it I don’t care what you say. You’re what? “Poo picking”? I’m going to follow you and occasionally nibble that “brush” while yu harvest our poops. I’ll make more for you!

Drom: Stop touching my tummy when I come to ask for food at the bars human. Just feed me or I’ll chatter my teeth at you. Now I must zoom round in circles no matter how heavy I am. What are a herd of “elephants”?

Tonks: La la la I’m so pretty with my ballerina butt. I’m going to scan the room with my one eye for that scary human who’s feeding me up for dinner. Hello Iggy, come here so I can flirt with you. Hehe oh you’re so funny! *eyelash flutter*

Iggy: I AM HERE. I AM SO HANDSOME. I MUST ALWAYS TALK OR I WILL EXPLODE PRESUMABLY. OH LOOK A HAY BAG I MUST GO INSIDE AND TELL THE ENTIRE WORLD BY SQUEALING IN DELIGHT. THEN I SHALL SNIFF WHERE LADIES BUTTS HAVE BEEN. LOOK UPON ME I AM SO HANDSOME.
 
Jezzy floof always talks like Ermintrude from the magic roundabout in my head: Hello dear! What's this? A poop scoop? How exciting! Can I help? No? I'll just sit here... oh, not there? Righty-ho I'll sit in this hay tray you're about to empty... what? Not there either? Perhaps a little snack then while I wait?

Theo: Its piggy daddy! Piggy daddy is here! (Zoom popcorn zoom zoom popcorn popcorn) what was I doing? It's Puggle! Hi Puggle! And Blod too! (Bum sniff rumble zoom popcorn zoom zoom popcorn popcorn) And Piggle! Hi Piggle! (Bum sniff rumble zoom popcorn zoom...) Hey look its piggy daddy! He's still there! (Zoom popcorn zoom) Bit sleepy now... (yawn chooken zzzzzz)

Blodwen: I am pretty, so pretty, gosh my hair is nice isn't it, think I'll just groom it a bit more.... stop that Clover! You are messing up my hair! I know we are special friends and you are in season but you are ruffling my pretty lilac skirts!

Ollie: Hello there old chap, any chance of a blueberry? Or three? How about some spinach then? What do you mean I had 3 already? Outrageous! The impertinence of it! Well I will stand at the bars in protest until this blueberry deficiency is addressed. Actually I won't as my wife has just reminded me its time to chase her again and take a constitutional rumble strut around the perimiter.

Tallulah: I AM HUNGRY I AM HUNGRY I AM HUNGRY STILL HUNGRY (nom nom nom) I'M EXCITED I'M EXCITED CHASE ME CHASE ME I'M RUNNING I'M RUNNING (zoom zoom zoom)...NO, HUNGRY AGAIN FEED ME FEED ME...BORED NOW WAKE UP WAKE UP CHASE ME OLLIE WAKE UP HOOMANS FEED ME (water bottle rattle)
 
Betsy: Dandelion leaves? Yes please! I'll just come over to the cage door and eat them. I can smell them now where are they? Put them near my mouth Hooman then I can find them Om nom nom.

Dennis: I am so cute. I really am so cute. Look at me everyone adores me!

Christian: I am so handsome I just have to tell everybody where I am the whole time so that they can find me and see what a handsome chap I am.

Meg: Oh no don't look at me! I'm so shy I don't want to draw attention to myself. I know I'll go and hide in here *goes off and hides in a hidey*

Velvet: No you're not catching me Hooman!
 
Winny " I am new.
I like it here tho cos my hooman is nice & gives me lots of hay.
Have to hide she is coming
Oh she has found me and wants to touch my crazy bum hair
She waves this house thingy in front of me at dinner time and it transports me to the floor
It's kind of fun when I try to jump out 😂

Pippin " I like to eat
Eat eat eat
I like to sleep
Sleep sleep
I do love my hooman mummy
She bought me pea flakes today
I LOVE THEM 😍😍
 
Honey:
Oh yes there’s a human! Hello human! Yes! It’s either lunch time or cuddle time! I love it when I get food or cuddles! Oh there’s a hand in my cage, I HAVE to go climb on the hand! Oh look food! Food! Food! You humans are just the best!

Judie:
Ok peasant feed me and leave. Oh no, what are you doing? Ahh you’re going to brush me oh no! I hate this! Oh yay it’s over now! Ha! Guess what? I’m going to mess up all my fur again! *shakes her fur into a mess* Ha! Peasant you wasted your time! Oh no, please stop peasant, I don’t like peasants stroking me. Ugh. Just feed me and leave.

Petal:
Ahh! There’s a giant! Ahh! Has it gone yet? Are they gone? Is it safe Judie? Ahh oh no they’re back! They’re back! Oh no, I just heard a dog bark! Oh no I just heard a bird, I’m going to get eaten! Ahh! There’s a car whizzing up the street and it’s really noisy! Phew it’s nice and quiet now, I can relax. No humans, dogs, noisy cars or birds.
 
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Elsa: You know I was the original piggy right? None of you would be here if it weren’t for me, I am your queen and you must treat me that way.
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Tiana: ooh it’s the tiny human again, if I just lay there while she holds me like a stuffed animal, they will give me treats!
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Anna: Pet me! Pet me! Pet me!CE2BC0E1-36C0-4F89-8C3F-4E14DD7B70D8.webp
Jasmine: don’t touch me there....or there....or there...ok, I guess the chin is ok.76AE729A-1549-4DF5-9A56-3EEEF6B4AC41.webp
Kristoff: oooh a lady pig, watch the way I shake my butt, you like that, right? Oooh another lady pig, how you doin’ girl?
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Belle: If I keep biting the bars they will feed me again!
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Rapunzel: Just pet me and tell me I’m beautiful! Oh no, not that brush again! No no, not the butt, don’t brush the butt!
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Olaf: Hey, anyone wanna play tag? Anyone? Gotcha Elsa, you’re it, come on! Can’t catch me!
 
HeatherRose said:
View attachment 115723
Elsa: You know I was the original piggy right? None of you would be here if it weren’t for me, I am your queen and you must treat me that way.
View attachment 115724
Tiana: ooh it’s the tiny human again, if I just lay there while she holds me like a stuffed animal, they will give me treats!
View attachment 115725
Anna: Pet me! Pet me! Pet me!View attachment 115726
Jasmine: don’t touch me there....or there....or there...ok, I guess the chin is ok.View attachment 115727
Kristoff: oooh a lady pig, watch the way I shake my butt, you like that, right? Oooh another lady pig, how you doin’ girl?
View attachment 115728
Belle: If I keep biting the bars they will feed me again!
View attachment 115729
Rapunzel: Just pet me and tell me I’m beautiful! Oh no, not that brush again! No no, not the butt, don’t brush the butt!
View attachment 115730
Olaf: Hey, anyone wanna play tag? Anyone? Gotcha Elsa, you’re it, come on! Can’t catch me!
Click to expand...
God i love Tiana❤
 
My boys are very food orientated, and are not very happy with me since I've put them on a "diet" (less giving into their demands for Harringtons pellets), so this is how I imagine they'd sound given some of the looks I get are very clearly filled with disgust and disappointment.

Arthur: Food! You have food in your hands! I can see it! I'm so excited! Omg! Popcorn time! Yes! Yes! Harrin-! Wait... W-what is this? Celery? No, no, no! This will NOT do! Give me proper food now, minion! Strawberries? How DARE you! GREEN BEANS?! O ho, ho, I see what you did there! Made me think that it was sliced greens and let me take a bite! But I won't be fooled! Why are you trying to poison me? I will NOT eat this rubbish! Look! I'll throw it out the way! Now give me proper food, minion! I demand it! Oh, you won't? Well, I'm going to go sit in the hay cube and I am not coming out even when you try and prise me out! That'll teach you! Ha!

Merlin: I'll eat what he doesn't want! I'm not as fussy! Look! I'll even do tricks for it! I am a meerkat! See! See? Now I am an agility dog! See how I go through the tunnel! And I can put my feet on it! And spin around in circles! And now I am a meerkat again! How clever am I? Wait... what is this? Green beans? Celery? Strawberries! Oh, you're evil. You made me do tricks for this. Where is the Harringtons?! Now I'm going to chatter my teeth at you and storm off in a mood and hide in the hay! How DARE you! Green beans? Ha!

My girls are much less fussy, but I'm still getting to know them. Minnie has to have the loudest wheeks I've ever heard.

Minnie: I thought I heard footsteps. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuman? Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuman? Is that you? HUMAN?! Are you there? Huuuuuuuuuuuuuman? Oh wait. I'm not supposed to be sitting on top of the haycube. She doesn't like it when I do. Spiderpig, away! Now you see me, now I leap into the hay! Wait, wait... Was that something rustling? Huuuuuuuuman! Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuman! HUMANHUMANHUMANHUMANHUMAN! I'm calling you! What, it's only a crisp packet? No fair! Oh wait, she doesn't like it when I camp out on top of the tunnel either! But I am Spiderpig! I climb everything! Wait, she moved. HUUUUMAN. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuman!

Ava: Is that you? Hi! Hi! Hi! I'm here! Can you see me! Omg, this is so exciting! Hello! Hello! Wait. Guinea pig on Stilts is saying hi to me! Even more exciting! Now I'll say hello to him and we will play! Now the human is here. What are you doing? What are you doing? Can I see? Let me out of this cage now! Wow! This is super exciting! I'm here! Come say hi to me! Ah! The dustpan means old tasty hay that I didn't notice! I must jump in and eat it all! Oh, she's turned away and isn't paying attention. Hmm... to nibble on her hands or the brush... Decisions, decisions, decisions.... HANDS TODAY. Why did she yelp? I'm only investigating!
 
Severus: hey you guys! You better not come out here, there is so much food

Neville: sorry, but you must be crazy, there's a human out there!

Albus: squeeeeeaaaak! No thanks, Severus, be a dear and get me some cucumber?

Severus: no way! Don't be such a greedy bum - get your own.

Neville: says the fattest one of us!
 
Bacon

Don’t touch my bum, chin, sides, stomach or feet or I will kick you, now where’s my food please so I can lie down on my comfy little pillow

Smokey

What’s that? And that? Is it edible? I’m going to try it anyway.
I want hay, no, pellets, nooo, veggies.
Can I just have some food, I’m deprived of the only substance that will keep me going...!

Oh wait there’s hay there
 
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Holly : Metacam, Metacam, Ra Ra Ra. Oh please let me have some Metacam. I can smell it somewhere. What do you mean it isn’t for me? Ok I’ll have a cystitis flair up so then you’ll have to let me have some. What do you mean I’ve got to see the vet first? Is it not enough that I give you a sample of wee on request? How about if I beg at the bars. Blimey. What does a girl have to do around here to get their fix of Metacam?
 
hahahahaha these are great

I open the door ti piggy mansion

Meic: I'm not here.... i am not here.....she can't see me.....
Roi:Hello lovely food lady drop it right there. Brush me cut me bathe me I love it all. I want more snacks though thats the deal

I Close the door
woooooooooooooooo popcorn across the floor eat a bit of hay, eat a nugget, climb the wall eat the food
Guinea pig party

Honestly if I didn't have the camera i wouldn't believe it
 
LOVE these!

Chicco - rumble, rumble rumble, beat it Groucho, rumble rumble.

Groucho - Food. Food, food, AAAAH you picked me up! You won't like it when I nibble your neck! Oh, food...that's ok then. Leave me alone Chicco!

Little Dude - Cool it guys. Just chill dudes. It's fine.

Bailey - soooo....if I push here, the bars will come apart and I can go join those other piggies. Aha...I'm out! Yay!

Bobby - just leave me alone, DON'T brush me! DON'T cut my nails! DON'T touch my butt! Look, I'm not interested, just leave me be....oh a chin rub.......aaaaawwwww now that's goood.... hey, you touched me somewhere other than my chin... take that karate kick! Aaaaawww a chin rub that's goooood!
 
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