Just lost Treacle, I think it will soon be Toffee's turn

[LondonLady]

Apologies, I think this is going to be a long one.

If you have read my previous posts you will know that three weeks ago my beautiful Treacle was pts. This leaves Toffee on his own again. Sadly I think Toffee is also approaching the end of his life.

Until recently he was doing well, his only problem being arthritis. He takes metacam for this, which seems to keep him comfortable. However in the middle of all the worry about Treacle, we noticed that Toffee had a large swelling/lump - not sure what to call it, on his right side. The vet took samples and sent them away but the results were inconclusive. All we know is that he has a 'mass' that could be cancerous. The only way to find out would be surgery but I have made the decision that I don't want to put him through an operation - mainly due to his age - he is now nearly 7. In the last week the mass seems to have got bigger. Toffee is still eating and pooping normally. His weight, though much less than when he was young, has been steady for the last few months. I've spoken to two vets, the first, my usual vet and the practice's exotic specialist seemed to think surgery would be the best option, though she didn't try to pressurise me in any way. I've also spoken to one of the other vets at the practice who is also good with small furries and she put it like this: An operation could possibly 'fix' him, but it would be risky. If I decide against surgery and the mass begins to affect his quality of life it would be too late to do anything and we would have to let him go. Having said this, she said that in my place she would decide against surgery too.

I haven't changed my mind. I still don't want him to have an operation. But I can't help wondering if this is the right decision.

I don't know how significant this is, but the only change in his behaviour is that whereas he has always hated being held, he now lets me pick him up without struggling and hold him (until he decides enough is enough and starts nipping my fingers to tell me to put him down.) This is lovely for me but I can't help wondering what it means. I worry that he's very lonely and missing Treacle, who he was very close to and I'm the next best thing to another guinea pig? Or that he's feeling ill and just can't be bothered to fight me any more?

The thing is, I don't know how long he's got left. The fact that the mass has increased in size suggests to me that i won't be very long, but on the other hand he's eating, getting excited for his veggies, trotting around the cage as normal - maybe he's got months left. And if he has, then it doesn't feel fair to him to keep him on his own without a friend.

I've also sort of decided that when Toffee dies I want to have a break for a few months before adopting more guinea pigs. This is partly due to my own health problems which I want to sort out first.

I feel I'm letting Toffee down and being selfish, putting my own needs first. Just feeling very upset and confused.

 

[Wiebke]

Apologies, I think this is going to be a long one.

If you have read my previous posts you will know that three weeks ago my beautiful Treacle was pts. This leaves Toffee on his own again. Sadly I think Toffee is also approaching the end of his life.

Until recently he was doing well, his only problem being arthritis. He takes metacam for this, which seems to keep him comfortable. However in the middle of all the worry about Treacle, we noticed that Toffee had a large swelling/lump - not sure what to call it, on his right side. The vet took samples and sent them away but the results were inconclusive. All we know is that he has a 'mass' that could be cancerous. The only way to find out would be surgery but I have made the decision that I don't want to put him through an operation - mainly due to his age - he is now nearly 7. In the last week the mass seems to have got bigger. Toffee is still eating and pooping normally. His weight, though much less than when he was young, has been steady for the last few months. I've spoken to two vets, the first, my usual vet and the practice's exotic specialist seemed to think surgery would be the best option, though she didn't try to pressurise me in any way. I've also spoken to one of the other vets at the practice who is also good with small furries and she put it like this: An operation could possibly 'fix' him, but it would be risky. If I decide against surgery and the mass begins to affect his quality of life it would be too late to do anything and we would have to let him go. Having said this, she said that in my place she would decide against surgery too.

I haven't changed my mind. I still don't want him to have an operation. But I can't help wondering if this is the right decision.

I don't know how significant this is, but the only change in his behaviour is that whereas he has always hated being held, he now lets me pick him up without struggling and hold him (until he decides enough is enough and starts nipping my fingers to tell me to put him down.) This is lovely for me but I can't help wondering what it means. I worry that he's very lonely and missing Treacle, who he was very close to and I'm the next best thing to another guinea pig? Or that he's feeling ill and just can't be bothered to fight me any more?

The thing is, I don't know how long he's got left. The fact that the mass has increased in size suggests to me that i won't be very long, but on the other hand he's eating, getting excited for his veggies, trotting around the cage as normal - maybe he's got months left. And if he has, then it doesn't feel fair to him to keep him on his own without a friend.

I've also sort of decided that when Toffee dies I want to have a break for a few months before adopting more guinea pigs. This is partly due to my own health problems which I want to sort out first.

I feel I'm letting Toffee down and being selfish, putting my own needs first. Just feeling very upset and confused.

HUGS

You are still very much grieving and are not ready for the next goodbye but you are definitely not selfish; your decision is sound and made out of love. You are not a bad owner; rather the opposite because what is happening to you right now only happens to those who care and love deeply.

It is perfectly normal that you question yourself at this stage. I am speaking from ample personal experience.

If you want to know, it's actually the same deeply ingrained human instinct that urges you to reflect everything negatively back onto yourself and to question your motives and major decisions as your new grieving process for Toffee is kicking in with full strength now that you are realising that he won't have much time left.
Your grieving process doesn't actually start with death but with the moment that a loss is inevitable (if it has not already happened rather suddenly) and your realisation that a life you care about is on the countdown.

What you are currently experiencing is basically the same emotional failure/guilt tsunami wave at the onset of the grieving process breaking over you for a second time, just in a different setting (before the actual passing opposed after it, as you have just been through with Treacle) but no less powerful and sadly with no time for you to come up for a breath between the two boys, emotionally speaking.

Please stick by your decisions which you have made while you were emotionally balanced but try and see Toffee as preparing for his own journey to be reunited with Treacle as soon as possible for him. It is highly likely that Treacle's loss has lowered Toffee's immune system and has given the growth the chance to really take off, so the reunification scenario is not far off.

Grieve for your piggy mates as a firmly bonded unit - as 'Toffee and Treacle who do not want to be without each other'. Accept the fact that your grieving process has just gone another gear up but that it has nothing to do with you as a person or owner, just with the extremely sad circumstances you find yourself in.
Try not to grieve for them separately and try to find consolation in that you are allowing Toffee his dearest wish; this will make the processing of your combined losses easier on you; the same as it has helped me in comparable situations. Toffee doesn't know that there is the option of a make or break operation but he may actually prefer to be with his beloved mate instead of living on without Treacle and having to start with a new mate after all this time, if you had the option to ask him?

If you feel really lost and overwhelmed with your double loss in progress, don't hesitate to speak with the free Blue Cross services who can give you additional support and another voice telling you the same in this most difficult and heartbreaking scenario which tests all of us, even the toughest and most experienced.
Pet Loss Support

Anyway, I hope that I have been able to help you make sense of what is going on and why you are suddenly feeling so overwhelmed, conflicted and insecure of your decisions right now?

We remain here to support you as a community on this most difficult ongoing journey.

My thoughts are with you and Toffee.

A Practical and Sensitive Guide to Dying, Terminal Illness and Euthanasia in Guinea Pigs (Our advice for looking after a terminally ill piggy with all the owner dilemmas that you face.)

Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children (Helping you to understand your double grieving process a bit better since this guide also has a chapter on the somewhat different dynamics when grieving with a terminally ill piggy. You are not grieving any less but the different stages are more drawn out and the same processes happen in a somewhat different order.)

 

[Truffolo]

Apologies, I think this is going to be a long one.

If you have read my previous posts you will know that three weeks ago my beautiful Treacle was pts. This leaves Toffee on his own again. Sadly I think Toffee is also approaching the end of his life.

Until recently he was doing well, his only problem being arthritis. He takes metacam for this, which seems to keep him comfortable. However in the middle of all the worry about Treacle, we noticed that Toffee had a large swelling/lump - not sure what to call it, on his right side. The vet took samples and sent them away but the results were inconclusive. All we know is that he has a 'mass' that could be cancerous. The only way to find out would be surgery but I have made the decision that I don't want to put him through an operation - mainly due to his age - he is now nearly 7. In the last week the mass seems to have got bigger. Toffee is still eating and pooping normally. His weight, though much less than when he was young, has been steady for the last few months. I've spoken to two vets, the first, my usual vet and the practice's exotic specialist seemed to think surgery would be the best option, though she didn't try to pressurise me in any way. I've also spoken to one of the other vets at the practice who is also good with small furries and she put it like this: An operation could possibly 'fix' him, but it would be risky. If I decide against surgery and the mass begins to affect his quality of life it would be too late to do anything and we would have to let him go. Having said this, she said that in my place she would decide against surgery too.

I haven't changed my mind. I still don't want him to have an operation. But I can't help wondering if this is the right decision.

I don't know how significant this is, but the only change in his behaviour is that whereas he has always hated being held, he now lets me pick him up without struggling and hold him (until he decides enough is enough and starts nipping my fingers to tell me to put him down.) This is lovely for me but I can't help wondering what it means. I worry that he's very lonely and missing Treacle, who he was very close to and I'm the next best thing to another guinea pig? Or that he's feeling ill and just can't be bothered to fight me any more?

The thing is, I don't know how long he's got left. The fact that the mass has increased in size suggests to me that i won't be very long, but on the other hand he's eating, getting excited for his veggies, trotting around the cage as normal - maybe he's got months left. And if he has, then it doesn't feel fair to him to keep him on his own without a friend.

I've also sort of decided that when Toffee dies I want to have a break for a few months before adopting more guinea pigs. This is partly due to my own health problems which I want to sort out first.

I feel I'm letting Toffee down and being selfish, putting my own needs first. Just feeling very upset and confused.

Absolutely understand everything you are saying. At seven he has reached a wonderful age due to your excellent care. I wouldn't have an operation on an elderly piggy. The odds are not in favour of elderly guinea pigs surviving long after big operations. I know that you treasure your time with him and he is extremely well cared for and happy. I can understand you wishing to stop keeping guinea pigs for a while. They are not easy pets. I hope you have sweet Toffee for a while yet. Wishing you peace, strength and comfort

 

[weepweeps]

You are definitely not being selfish.

I personally wouldn’t go for an operation at this stage in his life. I would keep him comfortable and give him as many happy days as you can.

When it is his time you will know and Treacle will be waiting for him over the bridge. Sending you hugs.

I hope your health improves too. X

 

[piggieminder]

Sending you hugs at such a sad time.
I wouldn't have an operation on an elderly piggy. I have been faced with this several times and as much as we want to cure them I believe an operation at this age is too much for their delicate systems to cope with.

 

[Roselina]

We all understand on this forum
You know lovely Toffee best and 7 is an amazing age
I think you will know the right time unless Toffee decides first
I think making Toffee’s days with you the best they can be will comfort you
Sending much love to you and Toffee

 

[Merab]

I chose not to put Jemimah through surgery when she developed a mass
Although not such a great age as Toffee she wasn’t a young piggy and , like you , I discussed options with my vet.
We decided to keep her at home, pain free, comfortable and let her have as many happy days as possible.
She passed away peacefully at home.
I have no regrets at making that decision although it wasn’t easy.

You will make the best decision for Toffee out of your love for him.
Hugs

 

[LucyP]

So sorry you’re going through this.

I went ahead with a piggy operation on a mass and later regretted it, we had a bad outcome which was no-one’s fault and by all accounts, very unlucky given her younger age and the experience of the vet. Still, I regretted putting her through it.

At the age you’re dealing with, I think it’s quite reasonable to focus on quality of life now, sad as it is to accept. Sometimes it’s just kinder to not put them through it. Sorry though, because it’s a horrible thing to have to accept, as many of us know.

I wish you both more happy days.