Leroy lost his battle.

[Lucy1991]

Hi everyone.. I’m really struggling to come
To terms with the loss of my boy, Leroy.

This is a very long post.. but I feel like I need to get all my feelings out and I hope someone can read it.

So I got Leroy around 2 years ago. I was with my friend on pets at home while she was getting hamster food.

I saw this lovely little piggy.. he was alone.. I straight away asked about his situation as I know it’s not good for them to be alone . The staff member (who had guinea pigs) said to me.. he was brought in around 6 months ago by his previous owners due to depression from losing his cage mate. He was previously kept outside with his little buddy in what the staff member described as cat sized carry case aparently after his friend passed, he was outside alone for 6 months. No wonder the poor boy was depressed. She went on to tell me that he was very underweight and had lots of skin issues due to his poor environment and he was in the vet section recovering for 4 months… she then said he’d been on “display” for over 2 months as he was old (3) and not neutered. She said “Noones been interested” My heart absolutely melted..

I have adhd and I’m extremely impulsive.. and I LOVE animals so obviously I adopted him and took him home. I knew absolutely nothing about guinea pigs and the care they needed… but I knew I wasn’t going to let that little angel stay there a second longer!

I asked the lady what I need.. she showed me all the essentials and I got the lot.

When we got home I was riddled with anxiety and emotions…

Like.. can I do this? What can he eat ? Will
I make him happy? Was this a stupid idea? Etc.

I settled him into his cage..( the biggest one in pets at home) which was probably about 4-5 square ft.

Immediately I started my research .. I was unprepared but I had so much love in my heart for this poor abandoned boy I knew nothing was going to stop me from making sure I gave him the best life possible!

I researched about diet, behaviours, likes and dislikes etc.. over the next few months we started building a bond. The lady In Pets at home described him as snappy and grumpy.. (i think we all would be if we had been him) however I didn’t get that from him.. I made sure I slowly introduced myself to him and worked hard to make him feel safe and start to trust me. He was still a bit weary but I don’t blame him.

I contacted a few boar dating places.. as I didn’t want to get him neutered as I was scared it might go wrong. ( I’m a very anxious person). Weeks/ months had passed and I had no luck.

I registered him with my local vet and took him for a health check and a nail trim. I spoke to the wonderful nurse who had a lot of experience with guinea pigs.. I ended up crying in there because I was so scared I couldn’t give him the life he deserved and how I’m struggling to find him a friend etc Of course she completely understood. She had a little cuddle with Leroy and she said he’s one of the most content piggies she’s ever seen and that he would adore the company of a friend.. but all things considered he was quite a happy boy.. I told her everything I was doing to take care of him and she told me I was doing a brilliant job- this definately built my confidence.

Skip to another few months in.. Leroy is in a 2x5 c and c cage,, he has evening roam of the living room.. he popcorns.. gives me kisses.. and has become so brave. I was so proud of how he was doing. We had an evening routine of my putting his favourite veggies on my chest and he would run up to eat them and snuggle under my chin . I would cancel plans with friends to chill with Leroy. He was my whole world. He was the king of the house and he definately knew it.

Then about 6 months ago he seemed unwell.. ( he had a couple of URIs before and I’m always aware of any changes in behaviour and take him straight to the vets… I dread to think how many times I’ve taken him and there’s been nothing wrong.. but better to be safe than sorry) anyways at this appointment the vet suspected heart failure. He had X-rays and oxygen and furosemide. I really thought I was going to lose him and the pain I felt was unreal. Fortunately he managed to do really well on the libeo and he was doing great.

Sadly about 10 days ago he was showing discomfort.. I checked him and noticed he has a large impaction. I cleared him out and after he was doing fine.. a couple of days later he seemed lethargic and was off his favourite snacks. The next day i noticed some wheezing.. mainly when I went near him.. probably as he was feeling vulnerable and thought I was going to pick him up again and clean his bum ..

I took him to the vets and the vet was very concerned. He was given a furosemide injection, oxygen, painkiller, gut stimulant and antibiotics. They kept him in for a few hours and I was an absolute mess as you can all imagine. However they called me and said he’s looking a lot brighter and that I could pick him up. They sent me home with baytril,metacam,emeprid.

The next few days were amazing and I’ll always treasure them. He was waddling around (he also had arthritis in his front leg) chutting,, purring, coming up to me and my partner for fuss and even did a few popcorns.. not as dramatic in his senior condition bless him.. but still a beautiful little jump.

Come bank holiday Monday he had slowed down again. Didn’t want his food.. was even more upset with me for syringing his meds…. He was going back down hill.

We took him to the emergency vets who could hear fluid or crackling on his lungs. He have him a furosemide injection.

We took Leroy home and he was just so sleepy. I knew I was just keeping him comfortable and then end was near. My heart was breaking.. I tried to syringe feed him a bit but he wouldn’t really swallow it.. thankfully I managed to get some metacam in.. he stayed on the sofa with me wrapped in blankets. And then he became a bit fussy. He wanted to go back in his house. He lay gently outside of his hidey.. he looked calm… his bpm was around 60 .. he looked comfortable… but he didn’t look right.. it’s hard to explain.
I went to bed about midnight and said goodnight to him.. straight away after that he ran into his hidey bed. I checked on him at around 3.30.. he was in his bed.. breathing was stable. He wasn’t fully relaxed I could tell.. but he was warm. I let him rest as something was telling me not to disturb him.

I went in to him around 7 am.. he was just outside of his bed in his comfy sprawled position and I thought he was asleep…. I then realised that he had passed away.. I’ve never cried like it. He looked so peaceful and warm but it was just so heart breaking. I kept thinking should I have syringe fed him? Did he suffer? I should have been in there with him etc.

I just held him close for a while.. I was so heartbroken. Me and Leroy had been through such a journey together. And built and amazing bond. I spent so much time with him and he always cheered me up after a long day. Seeing my happy sassy boy so still was so sad.

Thanks to the forum and my research it seems that he went peacefully.. I did the right thing by not trying to syringe feed him in the night.. and that as he was in his sleeping position it was likely that he gently passed. I just can’t get the image of that morning out of my head.

I just miss him so much.. the living room feels empty.. the house doesn’t feel the same. I keep sniffing his bed blanket because it smells just like him.

We only had 2 years together. But the bond we had was incredible and I’m so glad that I was in the pet shop that day . I just hope that in his last moments he knew he was safe and loved. It was hard because he was very timid around me after having to syringe him medications.

My heart is truely aching. I’ve had pets as a child and it’s always been so sad when they go.. but this is different. Leroy was fully in my care.. he really was my baby. And the way both of our confidences grew together was so special.

I’ll never forget him.. and always be greatful for the time we had together. I just feel so sad and empty.


I’m so sorry that it’s such a long post but i wanted to do my best to paint the picture. I have friends that I can talk to.. but of course in this forum I know I will be understood. I would love to hear everyone’s stories of their lovely piggies and how you all try and cope with the grief.

Leroy will forever be in my heart

 

[Bubble64]

I am so sorry to hear about Leory. He sounds like such a special piggie and it is always absolutely heartbreaking when a piggie goes. Losing piggies never gets easier and every pig has their own unique personality and love to give which is what makes them so special. The bond you built with him and the way you cared for him and how your confidence grew together is something so so special. I lost 2 of my piggies recently, Jamie 3 months ago and Sparky 2 months ago. I miss them all the time. But I know they knew how much they were loved and they had such an incredible life. I remember their favourite veggies and little quirks. Leroy sounds like such an incredible boy that was so well loved and the bond that you shared and the memories that you made is something that can never be taken away from you. He is such a beautiful piggie. As a fellow ADHDer I adopted my little boy George from Pets at Home immediately when I heard about his backstory and knew that I had to give him a second chance at life. I am so sorry that you and Leroy got to spend so little time together but he will forever be in your hearts. Have fun over the rainbow bridge Leroy.

 

[Merab]

What a lovely tribute to Leroy.
Your love for him shines through.
He had a wonderful 2 years with you and he will leave a huge hole in your heart.
Be gentle with yourself as you grieve.
Hugs

 

[munchmonster]

I love your backstory about your beloved Leroy an m so sorry he had to leave you. I've spent this evening in tears reading tributes and the love in them shines through. You gave him an amazing life of love and care and he would have known that. The pain of loss is overwhelming and I speak from much experience, but one day you will be able to smile at pictures and memories of him. His pawprint will always be on your heart and he will be near you.
Take care of yourself as you grieve x
Rest peacefully handsome boy

 

[Lucy1991]

I am so sorry to hear about Leory. He sounds like such a special piggie and it is always absolutely heartbreaking when a piggie goes. Losing piggies never gets easier and every pig has their own unique personality and love to give which is what makes them so special. The bond you built with him and the way you cared for him and how your confidence grew together is something so so special. I lost 2 of my piggies recently, Jamie 3 months ago and Sparky 2 months ago. I miss them all the time. But I know they knew how much they were loved and they had such an incredible life. I remember their favourite veggies and little quirks. Leroy sounds like such an incredible boy that was so well loved and the bond that you shared and the memories that you made is something that can never be taken away from you. He is such a beautiful piggie. As a fellow ADHDer I adopted my little boy George from Pets at Home immediately when I heard about his backstory and knew that I had to give him a second chance at life. I am so sorry that you and Leroy got to spend so little time together but he will forever be in your hearts. Have fun over the rainbow bridge Leroy.

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of Jamie and sparky. it really does leave an empty space in your life. it’s amazing how they all have such individual personalities and quirks. It’s amazing- I never knew how loving, friendly, quirky and sassy guinea pigs were! I’m so glad I was there that day.. and I’m so glad I’m not the only adhder who randomly adopts animals . We have them the best we could and I’m so glad we did.

Thank you so much for your kind words. It really does help.


I hope our boys become friends over the rainbow bridge .

 

[Lucy1991]

What a lovely tribute to Leroy.
Your love for him shines through.
He had a wonderful 2 years with you and he will leave a huge hole in your heart.
Be gentle with yourself as you grieve.
Hugs

Thanks you so much. I’m so glad I had this experience. The cost of love is greif… and even tho the pain is so real.. I’m so glad I got to have Leroy in my life for 2 years.

Thank you for your kind words

 

[Truffolo]

Sleep softly at the bridge little Leroy

 

[Lucy1991]

I love your backstory about your beloved Leroy an m so sorry he had to leave you. I've spent this evening in tears reading tributes and the love in them shines through. You gave him an amazing life of love and care and he would have known that. The pain of loss is overwhelming and I speak from much experience, but one day you will be able to smile at pictures and memories of him. His pawprint will always be on your heart and he will be near you.
Take care of yourself as you grieve x
Rest peacefully handsome boy

I’ve read a few tributes and stories too.. and the tears are taking over…It’s such a mix of emotions. So many beautiful tributes to our lovely piggies. it is so overwhelming… thank you for your support. It means so much at such a hard time x

 

[Wiebke]

BIG HUGS

You have quite obviously given Leroy the happiest of lives and all your love, which has resulted in an extremely close bond.

Having to face a loss, especially in such a tight relationship, is always extremely hard. You were Leroy's world but he was yours. Unfortunately, you cannot stem the progress of time for a small pet with a much faster metabolism - at the sharp end of age, the ageing process tends to speed up and it happens all very much in fast forward with guinea pigs. It can look and feel very dramatic and downright catastrophic because you usually don't get the same amount of time to slowly get used to the fact that the end might be coming; it can happen incredibly fast.


Letting a beloved one go and then having to get used to them no longer being in your life all the time is very hard. You grieve to the same amount as you love; the two are the different sides of the same coin. It takes time to accept and to become able to bear the gap in your life; this doesn't happen instantly. Please give yourself time. Make sure that you fill the physical gap, like an empty cage, an empty corner etc. with something so you are not confronted by an optical void. A picture, a plant or ornament can help quite bit to draw your eye and to not jaw as much as the all too visible absence.

If you feel very alone and abandoned, you can try to think of Leroy as this little furry guardian angle who is currently busy learning how to get on with his new wings and looking after you as you have looked after him. He is still very much there for you and you will never lose him unless you cut him out totally. This is just a visualisation of him still being very much present, just not in a visible or tangible form anymore.

I hope that this helps you.
Please also be aware that the grieving process is not straightforward; it is much more like a winding country road with sharp corners, hidden dips, narrow bridges or even flooded fords. Grieving is much more complex and it is rarely what you expect; especially if this is your first direct encounter with the loss of beloved one of whatever species.
Our grieving guide link may help you somewhat with what to expect and being able to recognise it for what it is when you come up against it. It also contains lots practical tips on what you can for yourself during that time. I have tried to include as wide a range of ways on how you can express your grief and process both your bond as well as all your various emotions. Sadness won't even scratch the surface...
Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

If you feel overwhelmed by warring emotions or by strong feelings of failure and guilt, struggle to sleep after the first few days or are unable/find it very hard to function in daily life, please contact the free Blue Cross pet bereavement services (UK only). They are run by trained volunteers Talking is the best thing you can do for yourself. What we offer on here is understanding community support based on our personal experiences and what impact piggies can have on our lives.
Pet Loss Support

Whenever you feel the time is right and that it is the right place and thing for you, you are welcome to post a tribute to Leroy in our Rainbow Bridge section. The section is not for everybody and there is no obligation to go there or to post in there. We all react differently. It is just an option for those to who speaking about their their piggy at any point during or after the grieving process feels helpful.
Rainbow Bridge Pets

If struggle to and are very upset, this link here may help to soothe and comfort you a little. It works for all ages, not just for kids.
Rainbow bridge video I made, I hope it can bring some comfort to others

 

[Edam]

Sending you so much love, Leroy was SO lucky to have you

 

[Lucy1991]

BIG HUGS

You have quite obviously given Leroy the happiest of lives and all your love, which has resulted in an extremely close bond.

Having to face a loss, especially in such a tight relationship, is always extremely hard. You were Leroy's world but he was yours. Unfortunately, you cannot stem the progress of time for a small pet with a much faster metabolism - at the sharp end of age, the ageing process tends to speed up and it happens all very much in fast forward with guinea pigs. It can look and feel very dramatic and downright catastrophic because you usually don't get the same amount of time to slowly get used to the fact that the end might be coming; it can happen incredibly fast.


Letting a beloved one go and then having to get used to them no longer being in your life all the time is very hard. You grieve to the same amount as you love; the two are the different sides of the same coin. It takes time to accept and to become able to bear the gap in your life; this doesn't happen instantly. Please give yourself time. Make sure that you fill the physical gap, like an empty cage, an empty corner etc. with something so you are not confronted by an optical void. A picture, a plant or ornament can help quite bit to draw your eye and to not jaw as much as the all too visible absence.

If you feel very alone and abandoned, you can try to think of Leroy as this little furry guardian angle who is currently busy learning how to get on with his new wings and looking after you as you have looked after him. He is still very much there for you and you will never lose him unless you cut him out totally. This is just a visualisation of him still being very much present, just not in a visible or tangible form anymore.

I hope that this helps you.
Please also be aware that the grieving process is not straightforward; it is much more like a winding country road with sharp corners, hidden dips, narrow bridges or even flooded fords. Grieving is much more complex and it is rarely what you expect; especially if this is your first direct encounter with the loss of beloved one of whatever species.
Our grieving guide link may help you somewhat with what to expect and being able to recognise it for what it is when you come up against it. It also contains lots practical tips on what you can for yourself during that time. I have tried to include as wide a range of ways on how you can express your grief and process both your bond as well as all your various emotions. Sadness won't even scratch the surface...
Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

If you feel overwhelmed by warring emotions or by strong feelings of failure and guilt, struggle to sleep after the first few days or are unable/find it very hard to function in daily life, please contact the free Blue Cross pet bereavement services (UK only). They are run by trained volunteers Talking is the best thing you can do for yourself. What we offer on here is understanding community support based on our personal experiences and what impact piggies can have on our lives.
Pet Loss Support

Whenever you feel the time is right and that it is the right place and thing for you, you are welcome to post a tribute to Leroy in our Rainbow Bridge section. The section is not for everybody and there is no obligation to go there or to post in there. We all react differently. It is just an option for those to who speaking about their their piggy at any point during or after the grieving process feels helpful.
Rainbow Bridge Pets

If struggle to and are very upset, this link here may help to soothe and comfort you a little. It works for all ages, not just for kids.
Rainbow bridge video I made, I hope it can bring some comfort to others

Thank you so much.. I know it will get easier in time.. I still talk to him when I’m walking around the house .. I know it’s silly. But it helps.

One of my friends sadly passed away in October.. he loved Leroy and would always ask about him.. I like to think that he’s looking after Leroy up there.. and I find comfort in that aswell.

Thank you for all the help. I will certainly have a look. It helps so much just being able to tell mine and Leroy’s story on here and share it with people who genuinely care and understand.

I’m having Leroy cremated and his ashes will be in a little wooden box with his name on, I plan to make a little area where his cage was with this and photos of us together. And I’m sure that eventually I will be able to look at it with joy and happy memories.

Thank you again for all Of your help.. not just in this time but all the times before when I’ve posted asking for advice.

Thank you to everyone on this forum.

I am so greatful.

 

[Lucy1991]

Sending you so much love, Leroy was SO lucky to have you

Thank you so much Edam

 

[DavRz]

Sorry for your loss, ROP Handsome Leroy.

 

[DavRz]

Sounds like you gave Leroy a good life filled with love , I hope you find comfort in that.

 

[sam1]

I’m so sorry for your loss of Leroy, RIP little one

 

[Wiebke]

Thank you so much.. I know it will get easier in time.. I still talk to him when I’m walking around the house .. I know it’s silly. But it helps.

One of my friends sadly passed away in October.. he loved Leroy and would always ask about him.. I like to think that he’s looking after Leroy up there.. and I find comfort in that aswell.

Thank you for all the help. I will certainly have a look. It helps so much just being able to tell mine and Leroy’s story on here and share it with people who genuinely care and understand.

I’m having Leroy cremated and his ashes will be in a little wooden box with his name on, I plan to make a little area where his cage was with this and photos of us together. And I’m sure that eventually I will be able to look at it with joy and happy memories.

Thank you again for all Of your help.. not just in this time but all the times before when I’ve posted asking for advice.

Thank you to everyone on this forum.

I am so greatful.

Thank YOU.

We continue to be there for you for you as community as long as needed with your ups and downs and all the firsts that are without Leroy, when it can really hit you badly again. That is what this section is about; there is no time limit. We are here to listen and to give you our emphatic understanding, as only another piggy owner can.

It is likely that the recent loss of your friend - which I am ever so sorry about - has come up again and is adding its own weight. This is very normal when you are not yet fully at peace and still working your way through it. Leroy is another link between you.
But it is an excellent idea to picture them both together and to mourn them together as the friends they were. You are doing a lot of constructive things to help make the processing that bit easier on yourself, which is great to hear. Our thoughts are with you.

Grieving is a rather lonely journey and it is not something you can speed up or do by numbers.

 

[weepweeps]

I’m so sorry gorgeous Leroy had his call to the rainbow bridge. You did everything you could and it sounds like a very peaceful passing.

He had a wonderful life with you.

 

[Davide]

Yours and Leroy's story is beautiful and it warmed my heart reading it.
I would go on and say that what you did for him was incredible, from such a rough situation Leroy managed to go on and live 2 years of his life as loved as he could possibly be, cared for, given lots of attention, found a true friend and companion in you after losing his first companion long ago. But I also know your pain is too raw and, tho you know it to be true, what I said might just add to the sadness right now.

But I strongly believe from experience and from the way you talk about Leroy, about your bond and about how much you cared for him, that in time you will look at these 2 years as one of the things that has made your life worth living, and that has shaped who you are in a way that is undoable, for the better.

I don't really have an answer to the silence you're experiencing, as much as I would love to. You know from Olivia's thread that me and my wife are right in that silence right now. Aside from talking about what you're feeling, and not just sadness or the memories but also anything you're experiencing right now, including guilt for what happened, or guilt for things that you are thinking or feeling, just let them out. Here is a good place, full of people with a big heart that can help and understand.

When my first piggie left me the pain was unbereable, and the grief lasted a long time. In time I realised how and why it was as devastating as it turned out, this was a long process of getting to know the deepest parts of myself, that is still ongoing. I'm only saying this because I cherish each new life I gave to the piggies I rescued since, but even if it may sound weird I also now cherish the grief I went through when they left me. Granted, it takes some time and when the loss is raw, it didn't really get any better in time. But in the long run, I learned to look at my piggies not just as pets that I love, but something more, a direct thread straight to the deepest and truest part of myself. Apologies if I'm not making sense, it's more something that is more felt than logically explained.

Anyways, after losing my first piggie Nocciola, I did some things that I'm really happy I did at the time. They helped me, even if just a tiny bit, during the rawest moments of pain and emptiness.
I took a small notebook and started writing addressing Nocciola directly, as if I was writing her letters.
I did this a lot immediately after the loss, then on and off for months. I've written down about episodes with her that were significant, important dates, my feelings on the day, and so on. It was a way to move through the pain, but it's also now a record of things of which the memory might have faded a bit, given it's now been 7 years. I remember one thing that tormented me was the idea that the memory of our time together would fade in time, so I wanted to prevent it, and I'm happy I did.
I also wrote a couple of letters as if it was Nocciola writing to me, thanking me for specific things that I did. That made me cry a lot, but it helped massively. To this day I can see where the tears dropped on the pages.
In that notebook I kept writing every time I felt like doing it, when a beloved piggie left me, always addressing the piggie directly.

As I'm sure others have recommended, the Blue Cross help line is great, they are very kind and easy to reach. I remember I called a couple of times and had comfort from it, if only a little.

What I also did, maybe not immediately but soon enough, I got one of those kitchen smart devices with a screen, I made an album from all the pictures of Nocciola I had, and set the device to show images from that album in rotation. The device is on my kitchen counter, and sadly I had to add 7 more albums for 7 more piggies to the rotation. It's rare that I just stand there deliberately just to look at it, but when I'm at the kitchen counter, maybe I'm cooking something after a long working day, or I'm just passing by the screen and my eyes suddenly end up on a photo of one of these angels, my eyes brighten up and my heart warms up everytime.

I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself. What you are going through is an incredibly powerful thing, be aware of it and don't feel like you should do "better", or that you're making too much of it. I look back and I don't know, maybe I had too much of a comfortable life, but to me there's been nothing more difficult, painful and significant than the grief of losing a pet.

 

[munchmonster]

Yours and Leroy's story is beautiful and it warmed my heart reading it.
I would go on and say that what you did for him was incredible, from such a rough situation Leroy managed to go on and live 2 years of his life as loved as he could possibly be, cared for, given lots of attention, found a true friend and companion in you after losing his first companion long ago. But I also know your pain is too raw and, tho you know it to be true, what I said might just add to the sadness right now.

But I strongly believe from experience and from the way you talk about Leroy, about your bond and about how much you cared for him, that in time you will look at these 2 years as one of the things that has made your life worth living, and that has shaped who you are in a way that is undoable, for the better.

I don't really have an answer to the silence you're experiencing, as much as I would love to. You know from Olivia's thread that me and my wife are right in that silence right now. Aside from talking about what you're feeling, and not just sadness or the memories but also anything you're experiencing right now, including guilt for what happened, or guilt for things that you are thinking or feeling, just let them out. Here is a good place, full of people with a big heart that can help and understand.

When my first piggie left me the pain was unbereable, and the grief lasted a long time. In time I realised how and why it was as devastating as it turned out, this was a long process of getting to know the deepest parts of myself, that is still ongoing. I'm only saying this because I cherish each new life I gave to the piggies I rescued since, but even if it may sound weird I also now cherish the grief I went through when they left me. Granted, it takes some time and when the loss is raw, it didn't really get any better in time. But in the long run, I learned to look at my piggies not just as pets that I love, but something more, a direct thread straight to the deepest and truest part of myself. Apologies if I'm not making sense, it's more something that is more felt than logically explained.

Anyways, after losing my first piggie Nocciola, I did some things that I'm really happy I did at the time. They helped me, even if just a tiny bit, during the rawest moments of pain and emptiness.
I took a small notebook and started writing addressing Nocciola directly, as if I was writing her letters.
I did this a lot immediately after the loss, then on and off for months. I've written down about episodes with her that were significant, important dates, my feelings on the day, and so on. It was a way to move through the pain, but it's also now a record of things of which the memory might have faded a bit, given it's now been 7 years. I remember one thing that tormented me was the idea that the memory of our time together would fade in time, so I wanted to prevent it, and I'm happy I did.
I also wrote a couple of letters as if it was Nocciola writing to me, thanking me for specific things that I did. That made me cry a lot, but it helped massively. To this day I can see where the tears dropped on the pages.
In that notebook I kept writing every time I felt like doing it, when a beloved piggie left me, always addressing the piggie directly.

As I'm sure others have recommended, the Blue Cross help line is great, they are very kind and easy to reach. I remember I called a couple of times and had comfort from it, if only a little.

What I also did, maybe not immediately but soon enough, I got one of those kitchen smart devices with a screen, I made an album from all the pictures of Nocciola I had, and set the device to show images from that album in rotation. The device is on my kitchen counter, and sadly I had to add 7 more albums for 7 more piggies to the rotation. It's rare that I just stand there deliberately just to look at it, but when I'm at the kitchen counter, maybe I'm cooking something after a long working day, or I'm just passing by the screen and my eyes suddenly end up on a photo of one of these angels, my eyes brighten up and my heart warms up everytime.

I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself. What you are going through is an incredibly powerful thing, be aware of it and don't feel like you should do "better", or that you're making too much of it. I look back and I don't know, maybe I had too much of a comfortable life, but to me there's been nothing more difficult, painful and significant than the grief of losing a pet.

You've got me crying again! That is beautiful

 

[Wiebke]

Yours and Leroy's story is beautiful and it warmed my heart reading it.
I would go on and say that what you did for him was incredible, from such a rough situation Leroy managed to go on and live 2 years of his life as loved as he could possibly be, cared for, given lots of attention, found a true friend and companion in you after losing his first companion long ago. But I also know your pain is too raw and, tho you know it to be true, what I said might just add to the sadness right now.

But I strongly believe from experience and from the way you talk about Leroy, about your bond and about how much you cared for him, that in time you will look at these 2 years as one of the things that has made your life worth living, and that has shaped who you are in a way that is undoable, for the better.

I don't really have an answer to the silence you're experiencing, as much as I would love to. You know from Olivia's thread that me and my wife are right in that silence right now. Aside from talking about what you're feeling, and not just sadness or the memories but also anything you're experiencing right now, including guilt for what happened, or guilt for things that you are thinking or feeling, just let them out. Here is a good place, full of people with a big heart that can help and understand.

When my first piggie left me the pain was unbereable, and the grief lasted a long time. In time I realised how and why it was as devastating as it turned out, this was a long process of getting to know the deepest parts of myself, that is still ongoing. I'm only saying this because I cherish each new life I gave to the piggies I rescued since, but even if it may sound weird I also now cherish the grief I went through when they left me. Granted, it takes some time and when the loss is raw, it didn't really get any better in time. But in the long run, I learned to look at my piggies not just as pets that I love, but something more, a direct thread straight to the deepest and truest part of myself. Apologies if I'm not making sense, it's more something that is more felt than logically explained.

Anyways, after losing my first piggie Nocciola, I did some things that I'm really happy I did at the time. They helped me, even if just a tiny bit, during the rawest moments of pain and emptiness.
I took a small notebook and started writing addressing Nocciola directly, as if I was writing her letters.
I did this a lot immediately after the loss, then on and off for months. I've written down about episodes with her that were significant, important dates, my feelings on the day, and so on. It was a way to move through the pain, but it's also now a record of things of which the memory might have faded a bit, given it's now been 7 years. I remember one thing that tormented me was the idea that the memory of our time together would fade in time, so I wanted to prevent it, and I'm happy I did.
I also wrote a couple of letters as if it was Nocciola writing to me, thanking me for specific things that I did. That made me cry a lot, but it helped massively. To this day I can see where the tears dropped on the pages.
In that notebook I kept writing every time I felt like doing it, when a beloved piggie left me, always addressing the piggie directly.

As I'm sure others have recommended, the Blue Cross help line is great, they are very kind and easy to reach. I remember I called a couple of times and had comfort from it, if only a little.

What I also did, maybe not immediately but soon enough, I got one of those kitchen smart devices with a screen, I made an album from all the pictures of Nocciola I had, and set the device to show images from that album in rotation. The device is on my kitchen counter, and sadly I had to add 7 more albums for 7 more piggies to the rotation. It's rare that I just stand there deliberately just to look at it, but when I'm at the kitchen counter, maybe I'm cooking something after a long working day, or I'm just passing by the screen and my eyes suddenly end up on a photo of one of these angels, my eyes brighten up and my heart warms up everytime.

I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself. What you are going through is an incredibly powerful thing, be aware of it and don't feel like you should do "better", or that you're making too much of it. I look back and I don't know, maybe I had too much of a comfortable life, but to me there's been nothing more difficult, painful and significant than the grief of losing a pet.

Having been there during your journey with Nocciola and having been there with my own Minx in pre-forum times, I can attest that we learn so much from our piggies but we truly grow as humans in the dark times.
Grieving can cause you to grow your own roots so much deeper but you can then grow up much taller and branch out - and your next love for whoever that is going to be (since love is a well that keeps flowing and not bucket that dries out when it is emptied) will be very different but deeper in some ways because you have become a more mature and richer person. The lost loves are something we carry with us in our hearts but we also carry them on in shape of the people we grow into.

I am currently in a position where I have to grieve for myself but I don't experience that as a devastating negative. I have learned so many positive things about myself and how strong my own struggles in life have made me by coming out of them on the other side much stronger, more empathetic and 'wiser' by thinking about it all. And while I am aware that my time is limited, it also gives me the freedom to be fully and unapologetically myself to my very best without needing to hold back and abide by conventions. I live much more consciously and make my life count as much as I can. Yes, there is a constant sadness but is the shadow on which the light of my jow of life can shine all the brighter.

Leroy will always be with you, @Lucy1991, like my own Minx who I grieved for about 18 months until I found this forum in its then form and a community of people who understood and who enabled me to have the courage to start my Tribe journey. But is is my larger than life Minx who has taught me so much about guinea pigs who is at the root of it all, and whose legacy has carried me along for the last 20 years to places I never imagined.
And who is also ultimately the engine behind what this forum has grown into - something that will hopefully live on because you all can carry the forum community together and keep it a place that is relevant for more reasons than any other guinea pig group.

Whatever you grow into with Leroy and Olivia in your hearts, only time will show but it is going to be somebody to be proud of - once you have grown your roots deeper and wetted them with your tears and your pain.

 

[Lucy1991]

Yours and Leroy's story is beautiful and it warmed my heart reading it.
I would go on and say that what you did for him was incredible, from such a rough situation Leroy managed to go on and live 2 years of his life as loved as he could possibly be, cared for, given lots of attention, found a true friend and companion in you after losing his first companion long ago. But I also know your pain is too raw and, tho you know it to be true, what I said might just add to the sadness right now.

But I strongly believe from experience and from the way you talk about Leroy, about your bond and about how much you cared for him, that in time you will look at these 2 years as one of the things that has made your life worth living, and that has shaped who you are in a way that is undoable, for the better.

I don't really have an answer to the silence you're experiencing, as much as I would love to. You know from Olivia's thread that me and my wife are right in that silence right now. Aside from talking about what you're feeling, and not just sadness or the memories but also anything you're experiencing right now, including guilt for what happened, or guilt for things that you are thinking or feeling, just let them out. Here is a good place, full of people with a big heart that can help and understand.

When my first piggie left me the pain was unbereable, and the grief lasted a long time. In time I realised how and why it was as devastating as it turned out, this was a long process of getting to know the deepest parts of myself, that is still ongoing. I'm only saying this because I cherish each new life I gave to the piggies I rescued since, but even if it may sound weird I also now cherish the grief I went through when they left me. Granted, it takes some time and when the loss is raw, it didn't really get any better in time. But in the long run, I learned to look at my piggies not just as pets that I love, but something more, a direct thread straight to the deepest and truest part of myself. Apologies if I'm not making sense, it's more something that is more felt than logically explained.

Anyways, after losing my first piggie Nocciola, I did some things that I'm really happy I did at the time. They helped me, even if just a tiny bit, during the rawest moments of pain and emptiness.
I took a small notebook and started writing addressing Nocciola directly, as if I was writing her letters.
I did this a lot immediately after the loss, then on and off for months. I've written down about episodes with her that were significant, important dates, my feelings on the day, and so on. It was a way to move through the pain, but it's also now a record of things of which the memory might have faded a bit, given it's now been 7 years. I remember one thing that tormented me was the idea that the memory of our time together would fade in time, so I wanted to prevent it, and I'm happy I did.
I also wrote a couple of letters as if it was Nocciola writing to me, thanking me for specific things that I did. That made me cry a lot, but it helped massively. To this day I can see where the tears dropped on the pages.
In that notebook I kept writing every time I felt like doing it, when a beloved piggie left me, always addressing the piggie directly.

As I'm sure others have recommended, the Blue Cross help line is great, they are very kind and easy to reach. I remember I called a couple of times and had comfort from it, if only a little.

What I also did, maybe not immediately but soon enough, I got one of those kitchen smart devices with a screen, I made an album from all the pictures of Nocciola I had, and set the device to show images from that album in rotation. The device is on my kitchen counter, and sadly I had to add 7 more albums for 7 more piggies to the rotation. It's rare that I just stand there deliberately just to look at it, but when I'm at the kitchen counter, maybe I'm cooking something after a long working day, or I'm just passing by the screen and my eyes suddenly end up on a photo of one of these angels, my eyes brighten up and my heart warms up everytime.

I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself. What you are going through is an incredibly powerful thing, be aware of it and don't feel like you should do "better", or that you're making too much of it. I look back and I don't know, maybe I had too much of a comfortable life, but to me there's been nothing more difficult, painful and significant than the grief of losing a pet.

Thank you so much.. those are some lovely things that you did to help with painful losses of your little angels. I especially like the little messages in the note book.. what a lovely idea. I do have a little sniff of his blankets every day.. and even though it makes me sad.. it’s also keeping him close..

I’ve been able to have some positive moments thinking about his little noises and how he would go in a mood with me for a few days after a nail trim.. and I’ve been able to smile.

I know I gave him the best I could and gave him a lovely happy ending.. I’m reassured that he went peacefully.. so fortunately that feeling of “what if” is getting more quiet… and now I can just focus on the happy memories and remember how much he loves me and how much I loved him.. and I’m sure that in time it will get easier.

I hope that you and your partner are doing okay all things considered. And I sometimes think the most comfort we can all get in these sad times is from each other. It’s nice to know that everyone really understands.. and reading everyone’s kind messages and being able to send kind messages to others is really helpful. It’s a lovely community here where we can all be truely seen.

Thank you again.. sending you both so much love

 

[Lucy1991]

You've got me crying again! That is beautiful

Yep I’m crying again too . What lovely words.

 

[Lucy1991]

Having been there during your journey with Nocciola and having been there with my own Mix in pre-forum times, I can attest that we learn so much from our piggies but we truly grow as humans in the dark times.
Grieving can cause you to grow your own roots so much deeper but you can then grow up much taller and branch out - and your next love for whoever that is going to be (since love is a well that keeps flowing and not bucket that dries out when it is emptied) will be very different but deeper in some ways because you have become a more mature and richer person. The lost loves are something we carry with us in our hearts but we also carry them on in shape of the people we grow into.

I am currently in a position where I have to grieve for myself but I don't experience that as a devastating negative. I have learned so many positive things about myself and how strong my own struggles in life have made me by coming out of them on the other side much stronger, more empathetic and 'wiser' by thinking about it all. And while I am aware that my time is limited, it also gives me the freedom to be fully and unapologetically myself to my very best without needing to hold back and abide by conventions. I live much more consciously and make my life count as much as I can. Yes, there is a constant sadness but is the shadow on which the light of my jow of life can shine all the brighter.

Leroy will always be with you, @Lucy1991, like my own Minx who I grieved for about 18 months until I found this forum in its then form and a community of people who understood and who enabled me to have the courage to start my Tribe journey. But is is my larger than life Minx who has taught me so much about guinea pigs who is at the root of it all, and whose legacy has carried me along for the last 20 years to places I never imagined.
And who is also ultimately the engine behind what this forum has grown into - something that will hopefully live on because you all can carry the forum community together and keep it a place that is relevant for more reasons than any other guinea pig group.

Whatever you grow into with Leroy and Olivia in your hearts, only time will show but it is going to be somebody to be proud of - once you have grown your roots deeper and wetted them with your tears and your pain.

Thank you.. I’m sorry that you’ve had this pain.. but you’re right that it does change who we are when we have a loss of a beloved pet. The fact that from the sadness you managed to turn into something so kind and lovely (this forum) being able to help others from you’re own experience is truely a beautiful thing. And I know I can say that we are all so greatful and lucky.

Life is very short and I think having something so sad happen really does change perspective. It’s not worth stressing about the little things.. it’s about making the most of everyday. Enjoying our loved ones as much as we can.

Without you guys.. I don’t know how I would have made it through… the support, understanding and kindness that I’ve received from you all is overwhelming. And I'm So greatful.

 

[Lucy1991]

I’m so sorry gorgeous Leroy had his call to the rainbow bridge. You did everything you could and it sounds like a very peaceful passing.

He had a wonderful life with you.

Thank you so much . .

 

[Davide]

Thank you so much.. those are some lovely things that you did to help with painful losses of your little angels. I especially like the little messages in the note book.. what a lovely idea. I do have a little sniff of his blankets every day.. and even though it makes me sad.. it’s also keeping him close..

I’ve been able to have some positive moments thinking about his little noises and how he would go in a mood with me for a few days after a nail trim.. and I’ve been able to smile.

I know I gave him the best I could and gave him a lovely happy ending.. I’m reassured that he went peacefully.. so fortunately that feeling of “what if” is getting more quiet… and now I can just focus on the happy memories and remember how much he loves me and how much I loved him.. and I’m sure that in time it will get easier.

I hope that you and your partner are doing okay all things considered. And I sometimes think the most comfort we can all get in these sad times is from each other. It’s nice to know that everyone really understands.. and reading everyone’s kind messages and being able to send kind messages to others is really helpful. It’s a lovely community here where we can all be truely seen.

Thank you again.. sending you both so much love

Sending you a big hug and much love. It takes time, but eventually it will be mostly smiles. I know when I catch myself smiling at the memory of one of my rainbow piggies from years ago, it's one of the most profound things that happen to me in my daily life. Hope the day can be a bit more easy on you

 

[Lucy1991]

 

[Tiamolly123]

So sorry for your loss. I sat with my Tia nearly all night, then when I went to bed for just a little while she died.
I,ll never forgot that she died alone. I cried every time l passed the cage, or if someone mentioned her name, when you are ready adopt another piggy & put your love into them. There is another one waiting for your ever lasting love. You didn’t do anything wrong. When you’re ready look into adopting another. There is another piggy waiting for you. rescue is best there are so many waiting for a loving home.
My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

 

[Wiebke]

So sorry for your loss. I sat with my Tia nearly all night, then when I went to bed for just a little while she died.
I,ll never forgot that she died alone. I cried every time l passed the cage, or if someone mentioned her name, when you are ready adopt another piggy & put your love into them. There is another one waiting for your ever lasting love. You didn’t do anything wrong. When you’re ready look into adopting another. There is another piggy waiting for you. rescue is best there are so many waiting for a loving home.
My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

I have lost several piggies of mine who were fitting or sliding over in their last hours the moment I needed to go to the toilet. Once can be an accident; after 3 or 4 times, it no longer is. Piggies can obviously feel freer to make the jump onto the Bridge when they are no longer held down by the fetters of love.

Please never try to beat yourself up about not being around when your piggy dies. They are wired to remove themselves from their group when they are starting to feel very unwell and to die alone.

If a piggy of mine is showing comparable domestic behaviour by seeking out a cosy/hidey and turning their back to the world, then I have learned to respect that and just keep a casual eye on them from afar. It's not because I love them any less or they have stopped loving me; it's just that it is easier for them to make their lonely journey into a new state without being held back by their old lives. It's not been an easy lesson but one which I have come to respect as being a part of their natural species behaviour. I only interfere if there is a hiccup in the dying process when control over the body goes (by which time the mind is usually thankfully either gone or no longer functional).

The companions will have by that time already have taken their leave and said their own goodbyes. You can usually take your cues from whether the companion is with a dying piggy or quietly keeping their distance.

Naturally, how we react is from our human species wiring where we would generally like to have those we love around you - and that is also where our feeling of guilt stem from.

I hope that this helps you with that particular issue? @Tiamolly123 @Lucy1991

 

[Lucy1991]

So sorry for your loss. I sat with my Tia nearly all night, then when I went to bed for just a little while she died.
I,ll never forgot that she died alone. I cried every time l passed the cage, or if someone mentioned her name, when you are ready adopt another piggy & put your love into them. There is another one waiting for your ever lasting love. You didn’t do anything wrong. When you’re ready look into adopting another. There is another piggy waiting for you. rescue is best there are so many waiting for a loving home.
My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

So sorry for your loss too. It’s so heartbreaking.. it’s the little every day things that get me the most.. finding a piece of hay.. or the odd little hair.. it just reminds me that he’s not here any more . We must remember that we did our very best for them and that they were so loved. I’ll always remember him

 

[Lucy1991]

I have lost several piggies of mine who were fitting or sliding over in their last hours the moment I needed to go to the toilet. Once can be an accident; after 3 or 4 times, it no longer is. Piggies can obviously feel freer to make the jump onto the Bridge when they are no longer held down by the fetters of love.

Please never try to beat yourself up about not being around when your piggy dies. They are wired to remove themselves from their group when they are starting to feel very unwell and to die alone.

If a piggy of mine is showing comparable domestic behaviour by seeking out a cosy/hidey and turning their back to the world, then I have learned to respect that and just keep a casual eye on them from afar. It's not because I love them any less or they have stopped loving me; it's just that it is easier for them to make their lonely journey into a new state without being held back by their old lives. It's not been an easy lesson but one which I have come to respect as being a part of their natural species behaviour. I only interfere if there is a hiccup in the dying process when control over the body goes (by which time the mind is usually thankfully either gone or no longer functional).

The companions will have by that time already have taken their leave and said their own goodbyes. You can usually take your cues from whether the companion is with a dying piggy or quietly keeping their distance.

Naturally, how we react is from our human species wiring where we would generally like to have those we love around you - and that is also where our feeling of guilt stem from.

I hope that this helps you with that particular issue? @Tiamolly123 @Lucy1991

Thanks so much. It does definately help. I'm
Sorry you’ve had to experience so much hurt...but you’ve learned so much about how to support them on their terms. All of your piggies were so lucky to have you

I sometimes forgot that Leroy was a prey animal because he was so confident and loving. But I know that they do like to be alone when they go to the next place . Of course we feel like we’ve abandoned them or we feel guilty for now being there .. It’s just human nature like you say.. what we would want and what our piggies want is very different. And it really is like they wait for us to go before they can move on.

I have some comfort in knowing that he went on his own terms in his own home.

I’ve been doing okay until this evening.. I’m on holiday and I’ve just had a wave of sadness out of nowhere. That’s how grief can be though isn’t it. I had a call from the vets the day we left to say Leroy’s ashes were back.. and I felt awful that I was unable to get him and bring him home. Luckily the vet nurse, who always supported me with Leroy.. and who has become a friend .. kindly took him to her home.. it sounds silly, but it made me feel better that he’s with someone who understands . I think the realisation has just hit that I’ve got to go back home.. and I’m not picking him up from the “small animal hotel” and hearing about what a nice time he’s had from the lovely woman who would look after him when I went away. She would always send me photos of him having cuddles or eating his veggies . It’s just so sad.

I know that grieving is a process and eventually it won’t hurt as much.. I just miss my boy so much .

All of the comments really help. And I’m so greatful to all of you.