My guilt is persevering even after one year

[ishita]

It's been almost 8 months since my guinea pig passed away. I used to think I had healed from that, but today, my other guinea pig got hurt. And it all came flooding back. The guilt and sadness. In our country, very few vets are experienced in treating guinea pigs, and NO ONE near our area.
So my mother consulted a family friend who's a vet, and we used to follow his medical advice. When my guinea pig died of abdominal distension, my mother and I scoured the net day and night. The day before his death, on the advice of our "family friend" we gave him an injection. He wouldn't eat, drink or move. We still hoped he would recover. But then in the middle of the night, I was woken up by me mother, who was holding his lifeless body. He died without use. We couldn't be with him. After all that research, we realized that all the meds that we were prescribed to use, were actually DETRIMENTAL for my guinea pig. The injection didn't do anything, it was even worse for him. Even now, I feel anxious when going to sleep. If I see my pets lying down, without moving, I panic.

Was it my carelessness that Koko died? Did my mother and I not care enough? Did we drive him to his deathbed? Was he in pain? Did he feel alone? I can't get over it. My mother is much calmer nowadays, but I'm scared everyday.

 

[Merab]

I am so sorry for your loss.
Guilt is a normal part of grief and you clearly did everything possible for your piggy.
It’s natural that something happening with another piggy will bring all the feelings back.
Grief does pass and ease but it really does take time.

Is there someone you can talk to who understands the grief we feel when losing a piggy.

Whenever the guilt surfaces you can try saying ‘ I forgive myself’ for as long as it takes.
It may take weeks or months or longer but at some point you will realise that you have forgiven yourself.

Another way is to write down those feelings of guilt and why you feel guilty, then cut up the paper into small pieces to symbolise that those feelings no longer control you.

Be gentle with yourself and be patient.
Holding you in my heart

 

[munchmonster]

It's clear you love your piggies and when they have to leave us we can blame ourselves for whatever happened. Its heartbraking and this grief is the flip side of the love we give them. As Merab has said, there is no set time when grief ends but take care of yourself as you travel through this and one day the grief will ease.
Sending my best wishes x

 

[ishita]

I am so sorry for your loss.
Guilt is a normal part of grief and you clearly did everything possible for your piggy.
It’s natural that something happening with another piggy will bring all the feelings back.
Grief does pass and ease but it really does take time.

Is there someone you can talk to who understands the grief we feel when losing a piggy.

Whenever the guilt surfaces you can try saying ‘ I forgive myself’ for as long as it takes.
It may take weeks or months or longer but at some point you will realise that you have forgiven yourself.

Another way is to write down those feelings of guilt and why you feel guilty, then cut up the paper into small pieces to symbolise that those feelings no longer control you.

Be gentle with yourself and be patient.
Holding you in my heart

Thank you for your kind words writing down those feelings is something I'm trying nowadays. it'll take time, but i hope one day i can let go of these fears and guilt.

 

[ishita]

It's clear you love your piggies and when they have to leave us we can blame ourselves for whatever happened. Its heartbraking and this grief is the flip side of the love we give them. As Merab has said, there is no set time when grief ends but take care of yourself as you travel through this and one day the grief will ease.
Sending my best wishes x

I really needed to hear this. This grief made me feel like maybe I didn't love him enough. Thank you my grief was making me forget the good times I shared with my piggy

 

[CTWC]

Nobody would question whether you loved Koko it is clear that you do

 

[ishita]

Nobody would question whether you loved Koko it is clear that you do

Thank you I really needed to hear that

 

[CTWC]

Sending you the biggest hug