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official how to train your human guide

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Christofur said:
Hello,

Thanks everyone for all the great ideas and tips. As I travel about a lot and meet lots of different hoomans its great to have different tactics to try out on them :(|)

Christofur, the travelling piggy ;)

xx
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*****
Most welcome christofur. thank you for popping in ...I'm sure your guite busy with all the traveling you do. our human enjoys reading your journey as do we. perhaps you can pick up a few tricks to teach us in your next visit. bon vonage....keep in touch!
 
gpmomma said:
Peanut here. Humans are scary! Big brother Latte is brave to let the humans snuggle him. He enjoys it! I take back what I said about big brother being brave, he is crazy! He just lets the human pet his chin. And he demands food from the humans! I would be terrified after I did that!
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****yes the humans can be right scary at first. We hate when the human stands over us. We much perfer when she keeps her head lower than our cage...and if she snuggles us inside a fleeceey or something. Although gus is right strange ...he dosent like to LIVE with other piggys (though we do play together at times)...but he's not a snugglier...he hops up onto the human shoulders and watches tv. the human seems to enjoy that but she's daft if she thinks we are going to try that. no way jose.
We do demand our food tho....so that part isnt scary for us. I'm sure you'lll get over that fright soon enough..and you'll be joining in with all of us wheeking like mad and putting a poor pitiful me, look I'm starving routine to whip that human into shape!
 
Floss - When I am feeling a little peckish, as soon as my human moves her arm or turns her head, I jump onto my hidey house as she knows this is where I wait when food is coming. She doesn't really give in much...but then if she stands up I throw a couple of wheeks in. This usually does the trick and out comes a piece of lettuce, my favourite! Although, this does not always work because she says she doesnt want us to have too much veggies and get fat. Too much veggies, this confuses me.

Jewel - Floss always thinks she does all the hard work by jumping on top of our hidey house, but really I think I do the best job as I like to stretch up the bars as far as I can while wheeking...louder than Floss by the way... to get our human's attention.

Floss - Personally I think I do the loudest wheeks. Just saying.

Jewel - Come on Floss, we never fight or argue, so lets not start now.

Floss - Occasionally human likes to join in with our wheeking. She thinks she knows what she is talking about, but she just doesn't!
 
Pink Jumper said:
Floss - When I am feeling a little peckish, as soon as my human moves her arm or turns her head, I jump onto my hidey house as she knows this is where I wait when food is coming. She doesn't really give in much...but then if she stands up I throw a couple of wheeks in. This usually does the trick and out comes a piece of lettuce, my favourite! Although, this does not always work because she says she doesnt want us to have too much veggies and get fat. Too much veggies, this confuses me.

Jewel - Floss always thinks she does all the hard work by jumping on top of our hidey house, but really I think I do the best job as I like to stretch up the bars as far as I can while wheeking...louder than Floss by the way... to get our human's attention.

Floss - Personally I think I do the loudest wheeks. Just saying.

Jewel - Come on Floss, we never fight or argue, so lets not start now.

Floss - Occasionally human likes to join in with our wheeking. She thinks she knows what she is talking about, but she just doesn't!
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I dont understand "too many" veggies either. strange concept...but our stupid human listens to the vet for some reason. I mean how can he tell we's not starving . His scale LIES i tell you. Ah jewel it is hard climbing up onto the hidey house, but I agree with you strecthing up the bars and wheeking louder is most charming. I think it works better on the human too. but SHHHH dont tell floss...i dont want to hurt her feelings.
and yes...what is with the human wheeking at us (well they arent wheeking...they are just making funny and daft noises...but we humor them dont we).
thanks for popping in ladies.
 
Hello, Jeff here. I have to say, my slave is quite well trained when it comes to food, but I can't seem to train her to LEAVE MY CAGE ALONE. I spend ages getting it to smell just right, and making sure there are plenty of poos everywhere, and then she comes along and SWEEPS THEM ALL UP and CHANGES THE FLEECE!

I have tried to stop this by standing in the way and refusing to move, standing in the dustpan, eating the brush, and even once I waited until she had just finished and stood on the dustpan handle! (This was quite successful as I got all my poos back, but she just started sweeping all over again, though she was a bit cross.)

If anyone has any ideas about what to do, I would love to hear them.

Yours, frustrated, Jeff.
 
jkwright35 said:
Hello, Jeff here. I have to say, my slave is quite well trained when it comes to food, but I can't seem to train her to LEAVE MY CAGE ALONE. I spend ages getting it to smell just right, and making sure there are plenty of poos everywhere, and then she comes along and SWEEPS THEM ALL UP and CHANGES THE FLEECE!

I have tried to stop this by standing in the way and refusing to move, standing in the dustpan, eating the brush, and even once I waited until she had just finished and stood on the dustpan handle! (This was quite successful as I got all my poos back, but she just started sweeping all over again, though she was a bit cross.)

If anyone has any ideas about what to do, I would love to hear them.

Yours, frustrated, Jeff.
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*****hi jeff. Oh you bring up a good topic. Our human is completely mad on the cleaning up . we work so hard to poo in just the right places and she sweeps them all up, and it is so annoying. We've tried chasing the dustpan, standing in the dustpan, bitting the dustpan, nipping the hand holding the dustpan, jumping on top of the hand brush...grabbing the brush bristles and yank out of the humans hand. Now ..she gone way untrained and figured out how to plop us in the stupid cat carrier while she sweeps. At least your human hasnt figured that out. surely some of you have a solution to this problem..as we'd like to get that straighted out . She also puts things where SHE wants them. We work really hard to rearrange things to how WE like them...but she's a tough one. We've thought about trading her in, but then she did feed us a yummy rasberry the other day..so we may keep her.
Lots of luck jeff...if you hear of any solution or you make headway in the keep my cage messy campaign...do tell us!
 
Hi guys, Velvet here........ what you do is lie on your side snoooooooozing and totally oblivious to what's happening.........Hooman FREAKS and i mean freaks out ....... no idea why.......... so you then get a little nose stroke (which me lurves) and then a treatie drool

Tis me Onyx, well at the moment i just get food stuffed in my face all the time.....i mean even if i don't want it! Mind you it's rather nice, tho i do wish i could have some of Velvet's leafies......SIGH

Oh Onyx you know it makes you have a pooey butt.......yeah yeah i know Velvet but sometimes the hooman let's me have just a teensy bit of leafie drool

Velvet and Onyx x
 
Peanut Butter here. I do all the work while Hazelnut only shows up for the result because he's a very lazy piggy.

When I want my bowl replenished I poop in it and wheek really loud until a human comes. And one always comes because my wheek is so piercing it sounds like I am in great danger, or so they say. Hazelnut just lazes about with his silly legs out. But the minute the human lifts the bowls out (I don't think it's fair Hazelnut's bowl is going to be replenished too!) Hazelnut gets up and sits by the food spot waiting for the new bowl.

When I've had enough of floor time I wheek piercingly again while Hazelnut just lays quietly waiting for the cuddle cup transport. And this after I've already expended energy zooming around the tunnels while his lordship daintily waddles around on towels.

I see many of you have the same problem as me with the incessant poop sweeping our humans are so obsessed with. I've tried all the usual, biting the brush, tipping the dustpan over, head butting the human's hand, etc to no avail, while Hazelnut just lays where he is until the brush is right behind him. At that point he moves to a poop-free area and lays back down. If anyone figures out how to train the humans to stop with the daily (sometimes twice a day - sheesh!) poop pickups let me know.
 
Glynis said:
Hi guys, Velvet here........ what you do is lie on your side snoooooooozing and totally oblivious to what's happening.........Hooman FREAKS and i mean freaks out ....... no idea why.......... so you then get a little nose stroke (which me lurves) and then a treatie drool

Tis me Onyx, well at the moment i just get food stuffed in my face all the time.....i mean even if i don't want it! Mind you it's rather nice, tho i do wish i could have some of Velvet's leafies......SIGH

Oh Onyx you know it makes you have a pooey butt.......yeah yeah i know Velvet but sometimes the hooman let's me have just a teensy bit of leafie drool

Velvet and Onyx x
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Ello lovely ladies. Velvet and onyx: whee was sure you two would speak up. We"be done the play dead and totally freaked out our human...but treats didn't follow.....perhaps we did it wrong! I'd say your human is quite trained and all s Piggys should take note...non stop food in face is our goal...well done you cheeky lady's. As to pooey but we've not had that before ,but we wonder why humans make such a fuss on it. Thanks for the tips!
 
Lilly said:
Peanut Butter here. I do all the work while Hazelnut only shows up for the result because he's a very lazy piggy.

When I want my bowl replenished I poop in it and wheek really loud until a human comes. And one always comes because my wheek is so piercing it sounds like I am in great danger, or so they say. Hazelnut just lazes about with his silly legs out. But the minute the human lifts the bowls out (I don't think it's fair Hazelnut's bowl is going to be replenished too!) Hazelnut gets up and sits by the food spot waiting for the new bowl.

When I've had enough of floor time I wheek piercingly again while Hazelnut just lays quietly waiting for the cuddle cup transport. And this after I've already expended energy zooming around the tunnels while his lordship daintily waddles around on towels.

I see many of you have the same problem as me with the incessant poop sweeping our humans are so obsessed with. I've tried all the usual, biting the brush, tipping the dustpan over, head butting the human's hand, etc to no avail, while Hazelnut just lays where he is until the brush is right behind him. At that point he moves to a poop-free area and lays back down. If anyone figures out how to train the humans to stop with the daily (sometimes twice a day - sheesh!) poop pickups let me know.
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Pb....I hate to break this to you but it sounds as if you are the one in training...by hazelnut. His highness makes you do all the work and should be ashamed...Dosent he know the human is the slave not his cage mate.
Oh the dreaded poo sweeping, we found a new trick to that while the humans went grocery shopping this evening. We made a giant tunnel under the rug and left poos in there then we hopped right back on top and proceeded to pull the innocent look. She won't know until she does the big clean out but least we get to hoard it a while longer. And just to shake things up a bit we refused to eat our favorite treat just to irritate her! Piggys 2 human 0 :)...ta ta for now
 
Oh yeah, we poo under the fleece and then sit on it too...I forgot that one. It does work quite well, *** the hoomans don't always notice what we've done. Ruth is the best at it because she's so little she can sneak under without getting noticed so much. It seems to rumple the fleece much more when I do it. And then Ro comes and uses it as a pillow and gives the game away.
 
jkwright35 said:
Oh yeah, we poo under the fleece and then sit on it too...I forgot that one. It does work quite well, *** the hoomans don't always notice what we've done. Ruth is the best at it because she's so little she can sneak under without getting noticed so much. It seems to rumple the fleece much more when I do it. And then Ro comes and uses it as a pillow and gives the game away.
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. *****Well we think the human has figured out this strategy too....but least we get to keep it overnight....
 
Gus here...didn't appreciate those two calling me a weenie so thought I'd pop on here. Frankly coming from a pet store I'm right happy with our mum...but I am rather curious as to this training thing to. For instance the trimming of my bum hair...really MUST she do that? And pardon me but she seems rather fascinated with my boy parts...at least once a day she gives them a check, um why? I like to sit on mums shoulder and watch tv but I want to watch something different . I've tried to convey this by lickIng and nibbling on mums ear but she Dosent seem to get the message. I will appreciate any tips in these matters, thanks!
Love,gus
 
Ok s'mores n Choco again....the human has officially lost it. This morning instead of wheeking at us like normal....she SANG to us. Help!! How do we stop that sound from comming out of her ? We do NOT appreciate being woken up by a dying goat sound! Do they make guinea pig sized ear plugs....s'mores is stuffing hay in his ears as we speak.
 
Hello fellow piggies, Coconut hhhhere, don't you hhhate it when the hoomans give you silly names? I'm not all brown and hairy like a coconut - well, I am hairy but I'm white. I found that letting the hoomans rub my chin usually means I get fed first. Also, I've trained the female hooman to put me back in my cage when I put my paws up on her hands (she think's its her that's taught me to do it when she says "back?" haha!)... Silly pet hoomans, eh?

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WHEEEEK WHEEEK WHEEK BABY'S TURN! I THINK SHOUTING AT THE HOOMANS ALL THE TIME BY SQUEAKING AS LOUD AS I CAN IS FUNNY! I SHOUT ALLLLL THE TIME! I ESPECIALLY LIKE SHOUTING AT THE MALE HOOMAN AND WAKING HIM UP AT 4AM WHEN HE MOVES IN HIS SLEEP! MWAHAHAHA! MAKES THEM JUMP!

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wiip wiip wiip wiip wiip... mhy name is Phantom, some of yoou may rhemember my last photo shoot where I sat on my hooman's head. That's the best place to sit cause you can seeee all around AND you get to pee and poop on them - you should see the faces they make when it runs down their backs :P

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Good day to you, fellow cavies. For me, Pancake, the best way to get attention and food has been to let my grand-ma hooman stroke to in my cage and let her pick me up. I get lots and lots of extra treats for doing that... I also steal her eyeliner when she's not looking so I look cute... Look I put some pics of me at the end, she even put my papaya treat on a plate for me as I am a grown up piggy now! I have her well trained!

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Toffee, Cinnamon, Mocha, Wiiiiieek, Marble and Jellybean: nom nom nom whee are too busy eating cause the hooman came in from the shop with lots of veggies - we say, just stare at them and squeak whenever they move, even a little until they feed you and if they try to wash you in that "bath" thing, wriggle as much as you can and run up their arms to get them all wet - give them a taste of their own medicine!

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Whee all hope to speak to you again soon, have to go now, the hooman is coming back! Wheeeeee!
 
Hazelnut here. Do not listen to Peanut Butter. I was here before him and I am the one that trained the humans. He just has never realised that he does not need to expend all that energy.

The humans constantly come to check out my gorgeous leggies and also to give me chin rubs. Then that prompts them to make sure everything else is to my liking. And that is established by polite conversation. Human: carrots Hazelnut? Me: a soft little moan to say yes and voila carrots appear. And who comes running over to nom on them? PB of course. Peanut Butter, if you allowed chin rubs or showed off your legs more you'd get stuff from the humans with less effort.

When I have had enough floor time I just go to the edge of the run and stare at our home. The humans get the message straight away. None of this shrieking at the top of your lungs!

OK, PB has a point about the poop clean-ups. Too many! But all his constant frantic efforts to stop it has not stopped it. So a sensible pig will just lay quietly enjoying the poop pile for as long as possible.
 
Smores_n_choco said:
Ok s'mores n Choco again....the human has officially lost it. This morning instead of wheeking at us like normal....she SANG to us. Help!! How do we stop that sound from comming out of her ? We do NOT appreciate being woken up by a dying goat sound! Do they make guinea pig sized ear plugs....s'mores is stuffing hay in his ears as we speak.
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Well this is something me (Hazelnut) and Peanut Butter can agree on! We have one human who sings to us. Always that Tom Jones song What's New *****cat, only she sings guinea pig where Tom sings *****cat. She thinks we like it because we stare at her when she sings that song. What we are really doing is trying to hypnotise her into not singing. So far no luck. Stuffing hay into our ears sounds like a good idea!
 
Wiiiiieek! said:
Hello fellow piggies, Coconut hhhhere, don't you hhhate it when the hoomans give you silly names? I'm not all brown and hairy like a coconut - well, I am hairy but I'm white. I found that letting the hoomans rub my chin usually means I get fed first. Also, I've trained the female hooman to put me back in my cage when I put my paws up on her hands (she think's its her that's taught me to do it when she says "back?" haha!)... Silly pet hoomans, eh?

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WHEEEEK WHEEEK WHEEK BABY'S TURN! I THINK SHOUTING AT THE HOOMANS ALL THE TIME BY SQUEAKING AS LOUD AS I CAN IS FUNNY! I SHOUT ALLLLL THE TIME! I ESPECIALLY LIKE SHOUTING AT THE MALE HOOMAN AND WAKING HIM UP AT 4AM WHEN HE MOVES IN HIS SLEEP! MWAHAHAHA! MAKES THEM JUMP!

-----

wiip wiip wiip wiip wiip... mhy name is Phantom, some of yoou may rhemember my last photo shoot where I sat on my hooman's head. That's the best place to sit cause you can seeee all around AND you get to pee and poop on them - you should see the faces they make when it runs down their backs :P

-----

Good day to you, fellow cavies. For me, Pancake, the best way to get attention and food has been to let my grand-ma hooman stroke to in my cage and let her pick me up. I get lots and lots of extra treats for doing that... I also steal her eyeliner when she's not looking so I look cute... Look I put some pics of me at the end, she even put my papaya treat on a plate for me as I am a grown up piggy now! I have her well trained!

-----

Toffee, Cinnamon, Mocha, Wiiiiieek, Marble and Jellybean: nom nom nom whee are too busy eating cause the hooman came in from the shop with lots of veggies - we say, just stare at them and squeak whenever they move, even a little until they feed you and if they try to wash you in that "bath" thing, wriggle as much as you can and run up their arms to get them all wet - give them a taste of their own medicine!

-----

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Whee all hope to speak to you again soon, have to go now, the hooman is coming back! Wheeeeee!
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Whee sure did enjoy all those tips and plan on adding those to our schedule! Only one we may not attempt is the head sitting, whee isnt brave enough to try that , but we think to wee on the humans head delightfully clever....maybe we can convince gus to wee on her shoulder as they watch tv together. he already wee's on her leg when he feels like it. he dosent give a nip on the clothes like we smart piggys do. although he probably wont do it..he is such the kissup.
thank you all for popping in...and saying your peice. Oh and pancake you are guite hansome in that eyeliner, maybe we should steal our humans. we already attemped to eat her cereal this morning. it was rice crispy's ..we like those. but she only let us have one little nibble this morning. its funny because she dosent know we found a dropped fruit loop in the kitchen and ate all of it
 
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