Gizboo
Junior Guinea Pig
Hi forum, I’m going through a very difficult time at the moment. On Monday, my sweet, wonderful boy Blackjack passed away, he was 6 years old. He’d been on pain relief meds for about a month, I had taken him to the vets a few weeks back because he was making some painful squeaks when going to the toilet. I thought it might be impaction since he was getting old, or maybe gas. The vet prescribed some pain meds to see how he got on. There was also a little blood in his urine, so the vet suspected it might be cystitis. The meds seemed to help a little, although over time his painful squeaks seemed to return and become more regular so I planned to take him back, the vet had said we could do some imaging if the pain meds didn’t help.
I got my two boys, Gizmo and Blackjack in 2020, during the pandemic. They were a massive support during what was a really difficult time for me mental health-wise. They were the first animals I’d kept in over a decade and my first as an adult. Learning about their needs and getting to know them and their behaviours became a huge part of my life and an overwhelmingly positive one. Gizmo was always a fan favourite because of his long, ginger hair and outgoing personality. He was also the dominant of the pair. Blackjack was just as friendly but a bit more reserved and cautious.
When I first brought them home at ~3 months old it didn’t take long for Gizmo to come out of his shell and start exploring the world, he was bubbly from day one. On the other hand it felt like we wouldn’t see Blackjack for days, he would never be out in the open when there were people in the same room, always so shy and quiet. One of my earliest memories with Black is when he climbed up onto my leg, very slowly and cautiously, whilst I was sat on the floor, and then popcorned like mad on my knee. It reminded me of the Tasmanian devil from cartoon network. I think its one of the fondest memories I have with him. Over the next few years I developed a close bond with both of my boys. They both had such distinct personalities and I loved them both very much. There were vet visits and health concerns, which were times of great anxiety for me, but overall they were a massive positive in my life.
They lived in a c&c cage in the living room/kitchen of my flat, so I spent a lot of time with them everyday. I gave them freshy hay every day, which Blackjack loved to burrow into, breakfast pellets in the morning and veggies in the evening, along with floor time every evening when I was back from work and at home. Blackjack especially loved floor time, he would do a perimeter check of the living room every evening, sniffing at the floor in search of food and making soft little tweeting sounds like a bird. Its odd because Gizmo was always clearly the alpha, but Blackjack more proactive and responsive to me (I think of Gizmo as a Little Lion Man, not just because of his mane but because his temperament seems very Lion, lounging around all day, occasionally showing a bit of interest in something but mostly waiting for food to be brought to him while he relaxes with his little foot kicked out).
Within the last month we moved to a new flat, my first move in almost a decade. It was an upgrade but after spending so much time in my last place, I’d come to think of it as home and loved the neighbourhood, so its been a lot more challenging to settle into the new place than I expected. When I first moved I put the guineas into the spare room, my thinking was it would help with floor time and give me some more space in my new living room. But it just felt completely wrong, like I’d moved them off to one side and once I moved them into the living room I felt so much happier, like they were back where they belonged and I could keep them company every evening after work.
Watching them explore the new place during floor time really helped me to start settling in. Blackjack was first out the room and exploring the rest of the flat (I still don’t think Giz has ventured out the living room yet). His favourite place became the kitchen, classic. He’d walk around the floor sniffing and licking at the tiles. Blackjack had still been in some discomfort when going to the toilet. I’d started to suspect he might have bladder stones and knew he would need to go back to the vets.
On Sunday he was clearly in a lot of pain, his crying was louder and more frequent. I gave him his pain meds but they didn’t seem to touch the pain anymore. I made the decision to keep a close eye on him and get him to the vets first thing the next day. I also tried to clean his bottom in case there was any impaction, but there didn’t seem to be. I want to be totally honest and say that one of the reasons I didn’t take him to the out of hours vet was concerns about the cost – I’ve had an out of hours visit with Gizmo a few years ago and the bill was huge, for what ended up being not a lot of treatment (and I think maybe a false alarm) and last year Blackjack had a dental issue that ran well over a thousand pounds for all the treatments and medications needed. I knew this time he was likely to need some kind of intervention that would cost a lot of money and having just moved to a new place, bought new furniture and paid all sorts of legal fees I didn’t want to get hit with an out of hours bill on top of any follow-up treatment or surgery he might need. In hindsight I would’ve done things differently, but I do want to be honest about my thought process.
Overnight he stopped crying, I hoped he’d managed to get to sleep but I was also very worried about him. The next morning, I went to give them breakfast and Blackjack didn’t appear. I was so scared he had passed but he was in the back of his cage, in his hide, being very quiet and still but awake. I made the vet appointment and took him and Giz in their carrier to the vets. At the vets we agreed to do some imaging, including X-ray, ultrasound and bloods. I needed to go to work but before I left they brought Blackjack back out for me to have a few moments with him before leaving. I knew that there was a chance things might not work out. I held my boy and gave him some kisses and told him we were going to try to find out what was wrong so we could make him better.
Later that day I had a call from the vets, they found two stones, one in his urethra and one in his bladder. The vet thought he would struggle to pass the one in his urethra and said that given Blackjack’s age we might need to consider having him PTS or we could use a catheter to try and flush the stone back into the bladder along with surgery to remove them from his bladder. I asked for some time to think about it. I cried so much after the call, I knew Blackjack hadn’t been quite right and that he was getting older but being confronted with the idea of major surgery or having him PTS was so difficult. After an hour I called the vets back. I knew in my heart I couldn’t let Blackjack go without trying everything so I asked if they could book him in for the surgery, despite the chances being slim.
He was booked in for the next day and we agreed Blackjack would stay in overnight and Gizmo would stay with him. He was already on some strong painkillers and they could make sure he got enough fluids before surgery the next day. That evening I cleaned their cage and put a wash on for all their tunnels and pads. I wanted their place to be nice and clean for when they got back. It was strange not having them both around that night, there had been times when I’d stayed away from home obviously but this was the first time they’d stayed away from home overnight. I felt strangely positive about the surgery, despite usually feeling massive anxiety before the boys have to go under anaesthetic, even for imaging or bloods. I felt IF we could get the sones out then he could bounce back like he had done the year before after a nasty tooth infection and abscess followed by a long course of meds.
Late that night I had a call from the vets. They told me they were so sorry but Blackjack had gone to sleep and passed away. I cried so much after the call but it took the next few days for it all to really sink in. I collected him and Gizmo from the vets the next day. When we got home I took Black out of the box and unwrapped the little blanket he was in. He looked peaceful but it broke my heart and I really sobbed over him. I placed his body in the cage for a few minutes so that Gizmo could see him and understand what had happened to him. I was glad they’d at least been together in the vets when Black passed. After that I wrapped him up again, put him back in the box and took a train up to North Wales. I had always planned to take the boys back to my parents house whenever one of them passed, so that I could bury them in the garden. Time outdoors was something I’d never been able to give my boys because I don’t have access to a garden in the flats I’ve lived in. I asked a friend if they could keep an eye on Gizmo and I was back the very next day to be with him, after saying my last goodbyes to Blackjack.
The last week has been very difficult. Waking up and following our daily route, preparing their breakfast, giving them floor time and dinner but without Blackjack has been so painful. I’ve cried a lot and I keep wishing that he could be back. I knew it before but now I really appreciate just how strong our bond was, he was so responsive to me and so comfortable around me. I miss hearing his wheeks in the morning from my room, demanding breakfast, or how every time he heard the front door shut he’d start up a chorus. Such a great sound to come home to. He would give me little kisses on the finger if I went to stroke him and I miss watching him go around the floor on his nightly explorations. Knowing that I won’t see him again and he won’t be there to do those things any more is unbearable at times.
At the same time I’m worried about Gizmo and how he’s coping. Initially he seemed to go about as normal in the first day or so but I think its taken some time for him to appreciate what it means now that Blackjack isn’t there anymore. He doesn’t have company anymore, and I think he really fed off Blackjack’s energy for enrichment. He’s very independent and does his own thing but he also a very social boy and he needs company to thrive. I know he needs a new companion but the thought of getting a new guinea pig is really difficult for me right now, I’m so completely unprepared to move on from Blackjack and it feels like replacing him. At the same time, I feel these extreme waves of guilt for the way my boy went. The thought of him in pain on his last night at home, not taking him to the out of hours vet and that when passed away he wasn’t at home and didn’t have any of his home comforts around him. It makes me feel heartsick.
I know lots of this is covered in the human and guinea pig bereavement guides, which I have had a skim through, I probably need to go back and read them again but I’ve just been finding it hard to focus, including at work. I think compared to a couple of days ago I am starting to feel better but I just miss him so much. Reading the guides and posts from others who have experienced bereavement on this forum has been a huge support. And writing this has really helped me to process it all, hence why its ended up going on so long. I also find that remembering the good times with little Blackjack has been positive, but with that little bit of raw sadness that he isn’t here anymore, I was so used to seeing him every single day and spending lots of time with him. I miss him so much.
I got my two boys, Gizmo and Blackjack in 2020, during the pandemic. They were a massive support during what was a really difficult time for me mental health-wise. They were the first animals I’d kept in over a decade and my first as an adult. Learning about their needs and getting to know them and their behaviours became a huge part of my life and an overwhelmingly positive one. Gizmo was always a fan favourite because of his long, ginger hair and outgoing personality. He was also the dominant of the pair. Blackjack was just as friendly but a bit more reserved and cautious.
When I first brought them home at ~3 months old it didn’t take long for Gizmo to come out of his shell and start exploring the world, he was bubbly from day one. On the other hand it felt like we wouldn’t see Blackjack for days, he would never be out in the open when there were people in the same room, always so shy and quiet. One of my earliest memories with Black is when he climbed up onto my leg, very slowly and cautiously, whilst I was sat on the floor, and then popcorned like mad on my knee. It reminded me of the Tasmanian devil from cartoon network. I think its one of the fondest memories I have with him. Over the next few years I developed a close bond with both of my boys. They both had such distinct personalities and I loved them both very much. There were vet visits and health concerns, which were times of great anxiety for me, but overall they were a massive positive in my life.
They lived in a c&c cage in the living room/kitchen of my flat, so I spent a lot of time with them everyday. I gave them freshy hay every day, which Blackjack loved to burrow into, breakfast pellets in the morning and veggies in the evening, along with floor time every evening when I was back from work and at home. Blackjack especially loved floor time, he would do a perimeter check of the living room every evening, sniffing at the floor in search of food and making soft little tweeting sounds like a bird. Its odd because Gizmo was always clearly the alpha, but Blackjack more proactive and responsive to me (I think of Gizmo as a Little Lion Man, not just because of his mane but because his temperament seems very Lion, lounging around all day, occasionally showing a bit of interest in something but mostly waiting for food to be brought to him while he relaxes with his little foot kicked out).
Within the last month we moved to a new flat, my first move in almost a decade. It was an upgrade but after spending so much time in my last place, I’d come to think of it as home and loved the neighbourhood, so its been a lot more challenging to settle into the new place than I expected. When I first moved I put the guineas into the spare room, my thinking was it would help with floor time and give me some more space in my new living room. But it just felt completely wrong, like I’d moved them off to one side and once I moved them into the living room I felt so much happier, like they were back where they belonged and I could keep them company every evening after work.
Watching them explore the new place during floor time really helped me to start settling in. Blackjack was first out the room and exploring the rest of the flat (I still don’t think Giz has ventured out the living room yet). His favourite place became the kitchen, classic. He’d walk around the floor sniffing and licking at the tiles. Blackjack had still been in some discomfort when going to the toilet. I’d started to suspect he might have bladder stones and knew he would need to go back to the vets.
On Sunday he was clearly in a lot of pain, his crying was louder and more frequent. I gave him his pain meds but they didn’t seem to touch the pain anymore. I made the decision to keep a close eye on him and get him to the vets first thing the next day. I also tried to clean his bottom in case there was any impaction, but there didn’t seem to be. I want to be totally honest and say that one of the reasons I didn’t take him to the out of hours vet was concerns about the cost – I’ve had an out of hours visit with Gizmo a few years ago and the bill was huge, for what ended up being not a lot of treatment (and I think maybe a false alarm) and last year Blackjack had a dental issue that ran well over a thousand pounds for all the treatments and medications needed. I knew this time he was likely to need some kind of intervention that would cost a lot of money and having just moved to a new place, bought new furniture and paid all sorts of legal fees I didn’t want to get hit with an out of hours bill on top of any follow-up treatment or surgery he might need. In hindsight I would’ve done things differently, but I do want to be honest about my thought process.
Overnight he stopped crying, I hoped he’d managed to get to sleep but I was also very worried about him. The next morning, I went to give them breakfast and Blackjack didn’t appear. I was so scared he had passed but he was in the back of his cage, in his hide, being very quiet and still but awake. I made the vet appointment and took him and Giz in their carrier to the vets. At the vets we agreed to do some imaging, including X-ray, ultrasound and bloods. I needed to go to work but before I left they brought Blackjack back out for me to have a few moments with him before leaving. I knew that there was a chance things might not work out. I held my boy and gave him some kisses and told him we were going to try to find out what was wrong so we could make him better.
Later that day I had a call from the vets, they found two stones, one in his urethra and one in his bladder. The vet thought he would struggle to pass the one in his urethra and said that given Blackjack’s age we might need to consider having him PTS or we could use a catheter to try and flush the stone back into the bladder along with surgery to remove them from his bladder. I asked for some time to think about it. I cried so much after the call, I knew Blackjack hadn’t been quite right and that he was getting older but being confronted with the idea of major surgery or having him PTS was so difficult. After an hour I called the vets back. I knew in my heart I couldn’t let Blackjack go without trying everything so I asked if they could book him in for the surgery, despite the chances being slim.
He was booked in for the next day and we agreed Blackjack would stay in overnight and Gizmo would stay with him. He was already on some strong painkillers and they could make sure he got enough fluids before surgery the next day. That evening I cleaned their cage and put a wash on for all their tunnels and pads. I wanted their place to be nice and clean for when they got back. It was strange not having them both around that night, there had been times when I’d stayed away from home obviously but this was the first time they’d stayed away from home overnight. I felt strangely positive about the surgery, despite usually feeling massive anxiety before the boys have to go under anaesthetic, even for imaging or bloods. I felt IF we could get the sones out then he could bounce back like he had done the year before after a nasty tooth infection and abscess followed by a long course of meds.
Late that night I had a call from the vets. They told me they were so sorry but Blackjack had gone to sleep and passed away. I cried so much after the call but it took the next few days for it all to really sink in. I collected him and Gizmo from the vets the next day. When we got home I took Black out of the box and unwrapped the little blanket he was in. He looked peaceful but it broke my heart and I really sobbed over him. I placed his body in the cage for a few minutes so that Gizmo could see him and understand what had happened to him. I was glad they’d at least been together in the vets when Black passed. After that I wrapped him up again, put him back in the box and took a train up to North Wales. I had always planned to take the boys back to my parents house whenever one of them passed, so that I could bury them in the garden. Time outdoors was something I’d never been able to give my boys because I don’t have access to a garden in the flats I’ve lived in. I asked a friend if they could keep an eye on Gizmo and I was back the very next day to be with him, after saying my last goodbyes to Blackjack.
The last week has been very difficult. Waking up and following our daily route, preparing their breakfast, giving them floor time and dinner but without Blackjack has been so painful. I’ve cried a lot and I keep wishing that he could be back. I knew it before but now I really appreciate just how strong our bond was, he was so responsive to me and so comfortable around me. I miss hearing his wheeks in the morning from my room, demanding breakfast, or how every time he heard the front door shut he’d start up a chorus. Such a great sound to come home to. He would give me little kisses on the finger if I went to stroke him and I miss watching him go around the floor on his nightly explorations. Knowing that I won’t see him again and he won’t be there to do those things any more is unbearable at times.
At the same time I’m worried about Gizmo and how he’s coping. Initially he seemed to go about as normal in the first day or so but I think its taken some time for him to appreciate what it means now that Blackjack isn’t there anymore. He doesn’t have company anymore, and I think he really fed off Blackjack’s energy for enrichment. He’s very independent and does his own thing but he also a very social boy and he needs company to thrive. I know he needs a new companion but the thought of getting a new guinea pig is really difficult for me right now, I’m so completely unprepared to move on from Blackjack and it feels like replacing him. At the same time, I feel these extreme waves of guilt for the way my boy went. The thought of him in pain on his last night at home, not taking him to the out of hours vet and that when passed away he wasn’t at home and didn’t have any of his home comforts around him. It makes me feel heartsick.
I know lots of this is covered in the human and guinea pig bereavement guides, which I have had a skim through, I probably need to go back and read them again but I’ve just been finding it hard to focus, including at work. I think compared to a couple of days ago I am starting to feel better but I just miss him so much. Reading the guides and posts from others who have experienced bereavement on this forum has been a huge support. And writing this has really helped me to process it all, hence why its ended up going on so long. I also find that remembering the good times with little Blackjack has been positive, but with that little bit of raw sadness that he isn’t here anymore, I was so used to seeing him every single day and spending lots of time with him. I miss him so much.
