Tdz
New Born Pup
My sweet Willa was a rescue. She was fierce, she was smart, she was tough, she was relentless, she was opinionated, she was a survivor, she was beautiful, she was blind (by injury), deaf (I’m not sure why), mute (could only make a barely audible chirp) and was my heart and soul. I would watch her map her cage… memorizing where things were and then finally mastering it and getting so happy pop corning and repeatedly running through the course… I remember when she finally trusted me and relaxed in my arms - how when I held her she would softly hold a pinch of my skin her mouth to communicate with me by nibbling if she was uncomfortable… I remember when she chose to sleep next to me - every night… I remember when she finally relaxed her body when she knew I was there… I remember that she was having a really good day… eating, drinking and pooping… as well as running her course and pop Corning… I let her smell my hand to know I was there and I gave her some Love, brushed her fur and told her bow beautiful she was- and then, I gave her kisses and told her I had to go to work.
My daughter would check on her through the night and sleep in my room with her when I would go to work. I work nights. This night, I didn’t have any concerns or reasons to believe that there was anything wrong. At 2am my daughter switched her from her floor cage to her sleeping cage and she went up the ramp and went into her hidey - ALL WAS WELL. At 4am, I got the call. NOOOOOOOO!
And, now, here I sit wondering why? Did something happen? Did she need me and I failed her? Did she finally get to stop fighting, knowing that I would be there only to be let down and left to die alone? Did my sweet Willa need to be rescued from something? Did she inadvertently get hurt while being cared for by someone else - was she waiting for me? MY GOD… I am devastated and heart broken and just … broken. There isn’t anything that I can do and I am suffering! I’m trying to find some kind of closure that isn’t racked with guilt and this tremendous sadness. Am I wrong in my thinking? We were close, not like an animal and a human, but I could tell that we had become dependent on each other - strangely, everyone else saw it, too.
Anyway… obviously I am an empath to a ridiculous degree and am hoping that my absolute love and devotion to her well being and happiness has just lit a cruel and debilitating fire under my, also cruel as well as accusatory and unforgiving imagination. Yes… seems like DRAMA, but I really loved her deeply and miss her - and am frightened at the thought of having completely failed her in her most important time of need.
omg… I am just so sad.
My daughter would check on her through the night and sleep in my room with her when I would go to work. I work nights. This night, I didn’t have any concerns or reasons to believe that there was anything wrong. At 2am my daughter switched her from her floor cage to her sleeping cage and she went up the ramp and went into her hidey - ALL WAS WELL. At 4am, I got the call. NOOOOOOOO!
And, now, here I sit wondering why? Did something happen? Did she need me and I failed her? Did she finally get to stop fighting, knowing that I would be there only to be let down and left to die alone? Did my sweet Willa need to be rescued from something? Did she inadvertently get hurt while being cared for by someone else - was she waiting for me? MY GOD… I am devastated and heart broken and just … broken. There isn’t anything that I can do and I am suffering! I’m trying to find some kind of closure that isn’t racked with guilt and this tremendous sadness. Am I wrong in my thinking? We were close, not like an animal and a human, but I could tell that we had become dependent on each other - strangely, everyone else saw it, too.
Anyway… obviously I am an empath to a ridiculous degree and am hoping that my absolute love and devotion to her well being and happiness has just lit a cruel and debilitating fire under my, also cruel as well as accusatory and unforgiving imagination. Yes… seems like DRAMA, but I really loved her deeply and miss her - and am frightened at the thought of having completely failed her in her most important time of need.
omg… I am just so sad.
