Lost our sweet Olivia this morning, trying to process it all

What lovely news after such sadness.
That’s 2 piggies who t have landed on their paws in a new 5⭐️ home.
They will soon occupy their own space in your hearts.
Hope all works out well as they settle in with Ginny.
 
Thanks so much to all of you for still staying close to us, if only you could know how much difference you make with each message.

We took courage and did the trip to Coseley, Ginny is now home with the little boy we had reserved and a baby girl who happens to be the boy's daughter. They stayed in the pen around 30 min at the rescue and it all looks fine so far.

We didn't know this, but the boy was found dumped in a bin behind a Sainsburys in Wolverhampton over Christmas, together with a girl who turned out to be pregnant with 3 babies. They're all fine, boy and little girl are with us, the mom and the other 2 small ones are already reserved.

They were obviously meant to find you. ❤️

I hope that they are all settling in well. If necessary, do another bonding session on neutral ground at your home when you arrive.

Enjoy the baby antics but don't feel like you have to create an instant bond or like you have to push Olivia on the backburner. Let things evolve naturally and on their own. You are neither betraying Olivia because nobody can take away from you the special bond you have shared nor are you betraying Ginny and the new piggies from finding their own new happiness.

You are still free to cry when you need to but you are equally free to laugh at baby antics. You have just gone from skiing on a snowboard to skiing on two skis which move independently, but both are needed for you to move on. You just put more pressure on the one ski to make a turn and at other times you need to lean on the other side to not go off piste. It's going to be an emotional ride but the main thing is that you keep moving and processing and finding your very own balance between the two without feeling bad or guilty about anything. ;)

Ps: Pictures please - of course, only once suitable.
 
They were obviously meant to find you. ❤️

I hope that they are all settling in well. If necessary, do another bonding session on neutral ground at your home when you arrive.

Enjoy the baby antics but don't feel like you have to create an instant bond or like you have to push Olivia on the backburner. Let things evolve naturally and on their own. You are neither betraying Olivia because nobody can take away from you the special bond you have shared nor are you betraying Ginny and the new piggies from finding their own new happiness.

You are still free to cry when you need to but you are equally free to laugh at baby antics. You have just gone from skiing on a snowboard to skiing on two skis which move independently, but both are needed for you to move on. You just put more pressure on the one ski to make a turn and at other times you need to lean on the other side to not go off piste. It's going to be an emotional ride but the main thing is that you keep moving and processing and finding your very own balance between the two without feeling bad or guilty about anything. ;)

Ps: Pictures please - of course, only once suitable.

Ah, thanks for your words about my conflicted feelings, it's like I've seen them written down before I was able to write them myself. I'll keep them in mind.

I am wondering if we rushed them into Ginny's cage too soon now. They're all isolated aside from a kind of brawl moments ago and some teeth chattering between the boy and Ginny.
In the neutral pen Ginny was immediately very gentle with the baby and exposed some protective behavior. Ginny also immediately put the boy in it's place a few times, but without being overly aggressive. But after that we didn't really see Ginny becoming friendly with the boy, they just stayed in different parts of the pen not getting in contact. Now I'm the cage they're separated, the boy tries to get close while talking, and Ginny immediately starts teeth chattering. Also Ginny is yawning a lot. She's also not exploring the cage.
The baby has always been under the same hide that Ginny is the entire time, and she doesn't really move from there.
Based on what I said do you think this part of the process should happen in the cage? And if not, can we re-do the neutral ground or was it a one off?
They stayed in the neutral pen at the rescue around 20 to 30 minutes. They didn't fight at all in the carrier coming home.
Sorry I tried finding all sorts of info on the guide but it was difficult to find exactly what related to our specific scenario ❤️
 
Ok so we found that yawning is a fear-aggression behavior from Ginny, and that a lot depends on how it's received, the boy is not being aggressive as far as we're aware (he's not teeth chattering, keeping a distance). We want Ginny not to be stressed of course
 
Ok so we found that yawning is a fear-aggression behavior from Ginny, and that a lot depends on how it's received, the boy is not being aggressive as far as we're aware (he's not teeth chattering, keeping a distance). We want Ginny not to be stressed of course

I would give them the evening and the night in the bonding pen. Ginny is just insecure; she's not a natural leader. As long as the boy is not hostile, things are OK.

The baby is staying out of what is a hierarchy issue.
 
What lovely news after such sadness.
That’s 2 piggies who t have landed on their paws in a new 5⭐️ home.
They will soon occupy their own space in your hearts.
Hope all works out well as they settle in with Ginny.

Thank you ❤️ really hoping the bonding works out for Ginny, we did this for her, and the sad story of the 2 piggies just reinforced our will
 
I would give them the evening and the night in the bonding pen. Ginny is just insecure; she's not a natural leader. As long as the boy is not hostile, things are OK.

The baby is staying out of what is a hierarchy issue.

Perfect, we're on it. We'll move them in a different room and set up a pen. Just be clear, ideally the baby also needs to be in the pen with a Ginny and the boy?
 
What lovely news after such sadness.
That’s 2 piggies who t have landed on their paws in a new 5⭐️ home.
They will soon occupy their own space in your hearts.
Hope all works out well as they settle in with Ginny.

❤️❤️❤️
 
Perfect, we're on it. We'll move them in a different room and set up a pen. Just be clear, ideally the baby also needs to be in the pen with a Ginny and the boy?

They can stay in the same room if you have the space. 'Neutral space' just means that they are not in one of the parties' normal territory. Ginny is likely feeling invaded. Let's hope that she is accepting the boy when he is not invading her space.

Speed dating only looks for acceptance but that is just the first of many hurdles in a bonding process.
 
@Wiebke thanks for linking the relevant guides, we've been reading them as we were watching the piggies doing their thing in the pen.
Lots of chattering from Ginny and rumble strutting from the boy in the first hour, and an episode of nipping from the boy to Ginny, which was scary but didn't lead to blood, and overall keeping a good distance from one another.

But for the last 20 minutes they have been both under the same hide, laying down very close to the other, with no teeth chattering and just one instance of rumble strutting from the boy which didn't lead to fight or chase. The hide has 2 openings, both of them are free to run out anytime.

Maybe we're getting somewhere? Really really hope so
 
@Wiebke thanks for linking the relevant guides, we've been reading them as we were watching the piggies doing their thing in the pen.
Lots of chattering from Ginny and rumble strutting from the boy in the first hour, and an episode of nipping from the boy to Ginny, which was scary but didn't lead to blood, and overall keeping a good distance from one another.

But for the last 20 minutes they have been both under the same hide, laying down very close to the other, with no teeth chattering and just one instance of rumble strutting from the boy which didn't lead to fight or chase. The hide has 2 openings, both of them are free to run out anytime.

Maybe we're getting somewhere? Really really hope so
Fingers crossed. Just leave them in in the bonding pen to work things out. It should make quite a difference to how they are back in the cage tomorrow.
 
Morning how are they doing today? 💐

❤️ Thank you so much for checking in.
I am not doing very well, I started the day with no energy whatsoever, but every now and then an image or a "what if" thought of Olivia's last days pops into my mind and I burst into tears, which takes away even more energy.
But we have a vet appointment for Ginny at 6. Not sure if Martina will go or if we'll go together. We made sure it was a different vet, but it might be the same consulting room where we were with Olivia on Thursday when we said goodbye. Either way, neither of us feels like going back there but we have to.

We also have the new boy and the baby in the house, so we need to leave some room in our brain to check on them and make sure they're ok.

Me and Martina are working from home, we'll check on each other at lunch but I assume she's not doing any better than me. We need to give us plenty of time.

I have an unusual job, today I have to draw some strange plants, and Olivia is on my mind every stroke that I put down. If those were real plants I could put in front of her, she'd be all over them with her over-the-top curious and gentle attitude, and her neverending trust in me, and we'd have the best time as we did so many times.
 
I am sorry you are not doing well it is still very early days. I still cry over ones we've lost and still have what if moments or if only moments I don't think they'll ever stop and it may be the same for you both and I think that's ok I accept it's part of my life now but after I've been in the deep sadness I think about the boys I have now and it helps and maybe a long way down the road you may feel the same but for now be kind and patient with yourselves 💐💕
 
HUGS

You and Martina have been running on hardly any sleep and sky-high adrenaline for too long. What you are describing is the classic 'adrenaline blues' stage once it runs out and leaves you exhausted, worn out and feeling very down; you just have it pretty strongly due to you and Martina pretty much driving yourselves into the ground.
The wounds in your soul are all still fresh and haven't had time to scab over yet. You are also dealing with flashbacks from what has been a very traumatic experience for you (PTSD symptoms).

It's not a nice stage at all and very often one of the lowest parts of the grieving process because the loss has sunk in now and you are now starting to deal with it all. The good news is that it is going to get slowly better from here and that your strength will gradually return to the degree your body recovers from running on empty for such a long time.
You just have to brace that you will get these flashbacks and sudden reminders in the coming weeks and months, sometimes totally out of the blue but that over time they gradually happen less often and hopefully less severely overall although the odd one can always catch you out really badly when it brings back a special memory.

But this is the stage when you are confronted with the price your loss has exacted on your own body. Continue to rest as much as you can and keep on with your mental health tasks. You cannot speed on biological and chemical processes; all you can do is hang on in there and trust that this is just a normal stage of grieving and of your healing process as your body is working out all the accumulated poison/stress related chemical compounds in your kidneys, which takes its time.
I know that it reads pretty simple in my Grieving Guide and is often jumped over but it is - because it is physical and not just mental - something that can really catch you out when you cannot understand what is happening with you.

Anyway, I hope that my explanation helps you to put your current experiences into perspective. You are still very much on track, just that grieving is not a nice highway but a very rutty old farm track that you are on. This is the lowest point of the valley, and from now on your grieving journey is bound to mostly go upwards, bar the odd pothole and hidden dip and some rather bumpy bits long the road but you are coming soon to the point where you start climbing the hill on the other side. ;)

My thoughts continue to be with you.
 
So good to see messages @CTWC and @Wiebke, I didn't have a chance to read them yet, I just got home from the vet and had a lot to process since. But I was PTSD mentioned in there and that's been in my mind all day. The flashbacks of the last week just don't stop.

I spared Martina the trip to the vet with Ginny and went alone, after only 4 days it was painful beyond explanation. They were gonna see us in the same room where we said goodbye to Olivia, I asked if we could be seen in a different room, not realizing we had been in the other room the day before Oliva passed away. I was going from catatonic to holding on screaming, until the vet saw Ginny and did an X-ray and then I sort of woke up.

Now, no sugarcoating this: Ginny has sludge. She was seen by a very good and decisive vet who gave her pain relief and recommended increased intake of water BUT if in a week if we see no significant improvement in another X-ray then we have to flush. And even if we see that improvement , we need to see the sludge gone in the following week, otherwise we have to flush. So on top of having to deal with this in this moment, now both me and Martina know that Olivia was not treated properly by the other 2 vets. I don't know what they were thinking with Olivia, and why we trusted them. We know now that this was the way to go when Olivia was still in good shape, we know it from the forum and we know it from today's vet in regards to Ginny. The only solace I can find is that Olivia wasn't aware and didn't care of all this, she enjoyed her life with us immensely, and this pain is only ours.
Now we put the helmet on again and fight for Ginny, while trying to juggle the whole bonding situation.

In other news, the boy is getting some floor time as I write and he's amazing to watch, if only we were in a different mindset!
 
So good to see messages @CTWC and @Wiebke, I didn't have a chance to read them yet, I just got home from the vet and had a lot to process since. But I was PTSD mentioned in there and that's been in my mind all day. The flashbacks of the last week just don't stop.

I spared Martina the trip to the vet with Ginny and went alone, after only 4 days it was painful beyond explanation. They were gonna see us in the same room where we said goodbye to Olivia, I asked if we could be seen in a different room, not realizing we had been in the other room the day before Oliva passed away. I was going from catatonic to holding on screaming, until the vet saw Ginny and did an X-ray and then I sort of woke up.

Now, no sugarcoating this: Ginny has sludge. She was seen by a very good and decisive vet who gave her pain relief and recommended increased intake of water BUT if in a week if we see no significant improvement in another X-ray then we have to flush. And even if we see that improvement , we need to see the sludge gone in the following week, otherwise we have to flush. So on top of having to deal with this in this moment, now both me and Martina know that Olivia was not treated properly by the other 2 vets. I don't know what they were thinking with Olivia, and why we trusted them. We know now that this was the way to go when Olivia was still in good shape, we know it from the forum and we know it from today's vet in regards to Ginny. The only solace I can find is that Olivia wasn't aware and didn't care of all this, she enjoyed her life with us immensely, and this pain is only ours.
Now we put the helmet on again and fight for Ginny, while trying to juggle the whole bonding situation.

In other news, the boy is getting some floor time as I write and he's amazing to watch, if only we were in a different mindset!

HUGE HUGS

I cannot say how sorry I am about the news about Ginny; that she also has got sludge. I've been sitting with crossed fingers that it wouldn't be that.

Depending on how densely packed it is, it can be flushed. Too tightly packed, it will need a bladder operation to get it out but yes, the window for Olivia has been sadly missed, not helped with it being a holiday. Not all vets are experienced with guinea pigs and bladder flushes on cavies is not one of the things many of them are confident with as it can easily go wrong.

I am going to keep my fingers very firmly crossed for Ginny and for and for you.

Please review your diet in detail with experienced members who can advise you whether you may need to make changes and whether you are just out of the sweet spot (too high or - more likely too low) for your location. You may want to open a separate thread in the diet section. The devil is often in the detail.

I am dealing with my own health issues and would prefer being able to leave these things to others whose dietary experience (including personal experience with sludge piggies) in this field actually surpasses mine as I haven't been able to keep up as much in recent years. I try to focus on where I can have the most impact with my own limited energy levels.

Please enjoy your boy, your little baby girl and their antics but refrain from any bonding until Ginny is in a better place; he will keep as a neighbour and if needed can keep in contact with his daughter.

And please make sure that you continue to look after yourself, physically as well as mentally, both Martina and you.
 
Thanks @Wiebke. Sending you a big hug from both of us.We'll gather the strength and are already thinking of where to take her for the flushing.
 
Thanks @Wiebke. Sending you a big hug from both of us.We'll gather the strength and are already thinking of where to take her for the flushing.

Thank you.

The hardest part of being a carer is to understand yourself as a limited resource. In order to function for any length of time you need to look after yourself first before you can help others because if you don't, the other will ultimately suffer worse if there is only you to look after them and you come to the point where you can't.

And yes, I am doing exactly that for myself on this forum... I still have myself, 13 guinea pigs and a husband to look after who is no longer young and has his own health issues. If I have my little internal amber warning lights coming on, I will stop and delegate what can be delegated on here.
 
Thank you.

The hardest part of being a carer is to understand yourself as a limited resource. In order to function for any length of time you need to look after yourself first before you can help others because if you don't, the other will ultimately suffer worse if there is only you to look after them and you come to the point where you can't.

And yes, I am doing exactly that for myself on this forum... I still have myself, 13 guinea pigs and a husband to look after who is no longer young and has his own health issues. If I have my little internal amber warning lights coming on, I will stop and delegate what can be delegated on here.

I just want to say again, me and Marti are close, and as you rightly say energies are limited, but good that you know when you need to stop, I think that is a discipline that takes a long training to master. Any support or practical help with things from us is just a message away, and please I don't mean just now that I/we are more present here
 
Oh @Davide it must feel never ending, try to channel ALL the love you ALL have for eachother it will give you the strength you need to face whatever lies ahead.
Sending you all our genuine love 💕
 
I just want to say again, me and Marti are close, and as you rightly say energies are limited, but good that you know when you need to stop, I think that is a discipline that takes a long training to master. Any support or practical help with things from us is just a message away, and please I don't mean just now that I/we are more present here

Thank you.

I've learned my lesson as a teacher (when for a while everything that could go wrong in my life went wrong and I ended up with a full-on burnout as a result of fire-fighting on about 4 different fronts, so I can spot the signs when I see them in others) but it has certainly come in handy with the forum. I have seen so many great people really get stuck in, contribute, burn brightly and then burn up, never to be seen again because they couldn't pace themselves. If you want to stay the distance it's all about pacing... :(

You need to learn to spot and then heed what your own stress signals are and what your red warning lights are where you cross the line where you do real damage to yourself yourself. You and Martina are currently deep in the red light zone.
Sometimes in a major emergency you have to do it but then you have to make time and space for yourself to have a proper R&R in which you prioritise your own wellbeing. You neglect that at an even greater long term cost.

I have developed a kind of traffic light system of warnings for myself with amber light symptoms for when I am starting to feel stressed and then red light symptoms for when I need to take a step back. Before I come on here, I have a listen into myself whether I am OK with it.

But this works for all situations in life. Some you cannot avoid but then you need to try find ways and time to decompress after a crisis or as a counterbalance in parallel during longer term taxing situations.
You have to be very honest with yourself and see your own energy/mental state as a purse of cash: you have only so much spending power. Get into debt, borrow to heavily and you pay extra because you operate on a loan in order to get back to normal. ;)

It is getting so much harder in today's busy life but it is also ever more important that you do find that out-time for yourself.
 
Sorry to hear the news about Ginny.
It must feel never ending for you at the moment.
Glad the new piggies are settling.
They will sneak into your hearts no matter how you feel.
Your grief is still raw but will, in time, settle.
Holding you both in my heart ♥️
 
I just want to say again, me and Marti are close, and as you rightly say energies are limited, but good that you know when you need to stop, I think that is a discipline that takes a long training to master. Any support or practical help with things from us is just a message away, and please I don't mean just now that I/we are more present here
I am caring for Socks, my incredibly sweet little Syrian hamster, who is very old and has become very frail. I think he is approaching death now, which is very sad. He can no longer use his hamster wheel or climb about, not even into his ceramic dinner bowl. Every time I look at the things he used to use my memories of Socks as an energetic baby and later adult ham come back and I feel a sharp twinge of sorrow and loss. But I know that caring for a pet means looking at their debility in illness and old age and accepting it. He is still my friend, even though he is old and unwell. I have to accept that he is frail and mortal. Rodents reach old age sooner than we do, but they are so beautiful and such good friends that it is easy to forget their Achilles' heel. Old, wrinkly Socks with his kind eyes is a good boy, just as good as the wild young Socks he once was ❤️
 
I am caring for Socks, my incredibly sweet little Syrian hamster, who is very old and has become very frail. I think he is approaching death now, which is very sad. He can no longer use his hamster wheel or climb about, not even into his ceramic dinner bowl. Every time I look at the things he used to use my memories of Socks as an energetic baby and later adult ham come back and I feel a sharp twinge of sorrow and loss. But I know that caring for a pet means looking at their debility in illness and old age and accepting it. He is still my friend, even though he is old and unwell. I have to accept that he is frail and mortal. Rodents reach old age sooner than we do, but they are so beautiful and such good friends that it is easy to forget their Achilles' heel. Old, wrinkly Socks with his kind eyes is a good boy, just as good as the wild young Socks he once was ❤️

Good boy Socks, such a sweet name ❤️ it must be the other side of the coin, how many times I wished a pet of mine would have lived up to that point, but then what is asked of you is to treasure each moment and smile while you face a different reality compared to when they were young. I feel for you ❤️ and I can only be sure that Socks knows how much he's loved.
 
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